The New, Never Ending, Best Jokes In The World Thread.

Englishman

I'll start.

2 men are driving through Wales, intent on enjoying a weekends fishing.

Eventually, they come into the tiny town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, which, as everyone knows, is the longest town-name anywhere in the world.

One of the men says to other: "Hey, I can pronounce that name!" and proceeds to do so.

However, his friend disagrees and says: "No! That's wrong. This is how to pronounce it", and then gives his version of the correct way to say it.

Well they can't agree and are now very hungry, so they get out of the car, still arguing, and go into the nearest restaurant to get a bite to eat.

The lady behind the counter seems to be quite pleasant, so one of the men, wondering if she might know the correct pronounciation, says to her: "'Scuse me, Love (true Brits always call strange women "Love".), but me and my pal are having an argument about how to pronounce the name of this place, do you know how it's pronounced?"

She says that she does indeed know how to pronounce it. At this, they say to her: "Go ahead! Pronounce it but say it as slowly as possible please!"

She leans across the counter, smiles, opens her mouth and says, very, very slowly............

BUR

>

GER

>

KING!

Englishman.

ozziepost

xjw_b12

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"

The father replied "From the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"

Dan-O

After having their 11th child, an Arkansas couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Arkansas), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Arkansas man said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, and West Virginia.

blacksheep

Speaking of

.

After the divorce, will they still be brother and sister?

blacksheep

I never could tell a joke: so I copy it over from word and only the punchline shows up!

Here's the rest:

Speaking of Arkansas, a couple from there gets married in that state. They move to California. There they split up and seek a divorce. One of them moves back to Ohio, and the other remains in California. The question is:

After the divorce, will they still be brother and sister?

gespro

Pirate walks into a bar, sporting some unusual earrings.

bartender: Nice earrings! How much did you pay for them?

Pirate: Aahrrg! They cost me two dollars.

bartender: Hmmm, not bad for a buck an ear.

jst2laws

Since we got on Arkansaw jokes:

Do you know the difference in an Arkansaw ozark woman and the allusive beast known as "Big Foot"?

One weighs about 600 pounds, is covered with hair and smells awful,

The other has big feet

Jst2laws

Surreptitious

Ges, that one had my secretary wondering what was wrong with me....LOL

These jokes remind me of an old one, but it's tasteless so you'll have to PM me if you want to hear it.

maybesbabies

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

>

About three beers!!!

The New, Never Ending, Best Jokes In The World Thread.

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