Has this happened to anyone?

by Purza 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  Purza

  So my mother opens the door for a discussion (via email) and I totally freeze up. I find it almost impossible to tell her how I feel about the JW religion. When I finally figure out what I want to say, she completely dismisses my thoughts. Here is an example:

  I say: I feel like I was pushed beyond what I could bear and I snapped. I could no longer maintain the farce that the truth was in my heart. Because it wasnt. I am coming to terms with that now. I have endured (and still am) a lot of pain an agony over this decision. I am used to being part of a community with a lot of friends around. It is difficult to walk away from that. It is difficult being disfellowshipped and treated like you are dead

  She says in return: just maybe if you had read and applied the Youth Book like I was trying to get you to do when you were still home with us, you once told me, "none of the kids want to read that book." It would have protected you from making ill wise decisions so young in life if you had just kept

  She just doesn't get it. I feel like I could "discuss" things with her and we will go in circles. Anyone else just give up in trying to make another family member understand? Sorry -- I can't figure out how to turn this highlighting thing off.
• 

  Fleur

  honey, i've given up trying to make any of them understand.

  they're still brainwashed, they filter out the facts that they are hearing and they cling to the delusions that they've been fed.

  only when someone is ready can they see the 'truth about the Truth'.

  i wish you hope, happiness and peace. believe me, all my family is still 'in' (though one sister is 'inactive' and one brother, never baptized but has the beliefs). i know something of what you're going through, it's hell, and i hope things get easier to deal with in time.

  hugs

  fleur
• 

  Corvin

  Indeed! It seems so futile sometimes. I can't stand the glazed look that comes over a JW eyes when they totally miss the point of anything that strays outside the cut and dried, black and white world of the organization.

  Even my brother, the former pioneer, while he is out and will never return, his issues are so far from what most of us here know, that I cannot really talk to him about it. He left for some very different reasons and never learned what we all know about the org.

  Hang in there.

  Corvin
• 

  Nosferatu

  Yup. I've tried, and I always end up getting pissed off. The subject usually goes into how my mother only hit me once, and how I was so good at school because of bible principles. I've never told her that I got the shit beaten out of me at school for being a JW. She doesn't know how afraid I was to come to her with my problems. I developed that fear when I was young because I would always get one hell of a good beating. There's no point in arguing with someone who's just going to deny everything. She's convinced that it was Satan's influence that led me away from the troof.
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  Ciara

  I think that lots of us have had that happen, Purza. But please keep trying. My husband didn't give up on me and I'm forever grateful. If no one had cared enough to keep trying to get through to me I would still be trapped. If you ever get through to your mom, she won't be able to thank you enough.

  You have my prayers.
• 

  findingme

  I can relate. I heard the "Satan has gotten a hold of you" remark more than once. At first, I believed it.

  I've tried to explain my own reasons, too. Unless they see the situation through your eyes, they will not understand. It's best to just drop it sometimes and just go on with what you need to do.
• 

  paulE

  I had tried to explain my concern about some JW doctrines to my wife of twenty plus years. She is a very intelligent woman, a real Bible student. She wouldn't listen to a word. She seperated, I was endangering her spirituality. Before I was df'd, we met for lunch to make an effort to work things out. I again tried to explain my beliefs about 1914, and F&DS. She sat there, her eyes glazed over. When I gave up, she gave me her "terms", that I drop the foolishness and get back to active JWism. She said that I just needed to study more. The real problem was that I had studied too much, enough to see thru it.

  What's worse is that I remember talking to some with doubts during my elder days. I tried to answer questions, but always ended by telling them that they just needed to study more, trust in Jehovah, draw close to Jehovah, get to the meetings regularly, spend more time in service. Yeah, that will solve everything. I may have even spouted those stupid phrases to some of you here on this board. If I did please forgive me. Believe me, I begged the true God to forgive me, many times.

  A lot of JW's see through the "Truth", but can't bear to leave family and friends. It's hard when your whole life is tied up in it. Just be patient. Things are in turmoil in the congregations. There is still hope that someday, when the time is right for her, she will listen to you.
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  Purza

  Fleur -- you are right -- she is still brainwashed. It is so easy to understand now why she just doesn't get it.

  Corvin -- ah yes, the black and white world. We used to have a joke that a Sunday talk should be entitled "Taking Advantage of the Grey Areas"

  Nos -- selective memory. My mother has that too.
• 

  Purza

  Ciara, Findingme & PaulE -- thanks for your support. I probably will keep trying for awhile even though I believe it is futile. I guess I am kind of used to banging my head into the wall (its normal when dealing with my mother).
• 

  Carmel

  My mother never gave up on trying to get me "back into the truth" even after I accepted another faith, she was doggedly determined. Of course ath that time there was no UN scandel, pedophile info or other easy issues to lay at her feet. I could only point out inconsistancies in the JW doctrins, something they go into mental masturbation over. So I went about my business succeeding in life and this had more effect on nephews and neices and sister-in-laws, but didn't seem to dent the immediated family.

  Keep hanging in there and go on with life. Be happy! That will screw with their minds more than anything!

  carmel