The other day on the way to my appointment to meet my surgeon............
I told my Mom I will probably never be a witness again.
Here is the conversation.
My Mom: "Have you prayed?"
Me: No
Mom: "Don't feel guilty about praying. I know we're not going to meetings so we feel guilty about it but you can pray."
Me: "I don't feel guilty. ....PAUSE......... "Mom I do not think I'll ever be a witness again."
Mom: "Why?" she asked this in a worried and kind of scared tone.
Me: "I do not believe the Organization is the absolute truth. There is too much hypocrisy in Religion including the JWs."
I went on to explain to her about the Child abuse scandals and I included my own case. I told her how I thought it was wrong the way the Elders handled my case. In short they DF'd my father for over-drinking not molesting me. They made that clear to my father too. He hid the sin for at least 18 years. He confessed only after I told on him.
My mother started to babble on how he was about to be DF'd anyways for drinking too much so when the "secret" came out they Df'd him. She said this like she was defending the Elders.
Me: "Mom, I always wondered why they DF'd my dad for drinking and not abusing me. I could never figure it out, why they had to make that clear that it wasn't for child molestation. Now I believe they handled it that way in order to hide the fact that he abused me.
They used his drinking as an excuse. The elders are more concerned about not sullying God's name and that is why they hide these types of cases. They betrayed me and many others by not taking the appropriate action. Many others this has happened to, in their cases, they do not report it or even believe the children because they do not have two eye-witnesses.
This scandal and cover-up reminds me of the account in the bible that talks about people burning their children in the fire in sacrafice to God. And Jehovah said something like: 'a command that never even came up into my heart.' (Can somebody tell me where that account is in the bible. I couldn?t find it and I want to read it again)
She said to me the "elders are human" you cannot follow them.
I said: "I know that but they are following rules that are made up by the FDS who are only human too. If I question any of them I will be labeled as apostate." (Now I am skipping some parts of the conversation)
She went on to say that Satan is planting these doubts in my head he doesn?t want me to be close to Jehovah. Blah, blah blah......
Then she said: "I used to have doubts too. But it is only Satan."
I told her about the UN scandal and at first she thought I was talking about something a long time ago and she started using the "Light gets brighter" speech, using examples like, we used to celebrate Christmas, Birthdays and so on.
I said no Mom, this is recent from 1991 (or 92') to 2001. This finally got her attention.
She said "I never heard about that I want to see the website." (Some where in the conversation I told her I have been thinking about talking to the elders about certain things.) So she said "I want to be there if you talk to the elders, I?d like to here what they have to say."
I know I must have got through to her about the child abuse (that is a very touchy subject for her but deep down she knows right from wrong) and the UN thing she is definitely curious about.
Gotta go I?ll finish later. (There isn?t much more)
