Going to the hospital alone...right or wrong?

by Maverick 32 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Corvin

  While going through my darkest days around 10 years ago, an older man, Jerry, befriended me and put his trust and faith in me; he gave me a hand out of the abyss when everyone else [JW's], had turned their back on me. Over the years we have become very close, and wherever we might be together, he always introduces me to folks as his "son", or I will proudly introduce him to those who would never know the difference as "my dad". We have adopted eachother and our bond could be not be stronger if we were blood related.

  Well, Jerry is diabetic and has heart disease. He has had at least two heart attacks in the last five years and has had to try and gracefully face the fact that he must take it easier nowadays. He is so proud and stubborn, tho. With the two heart attacks, he did not tell anyone, but actually drove himself to the hospital. When the doctors tell him he needs to remain in the hospital a day or two longer, he says, "bull" and checks himself out.

  Yesterday, Jerry had an angioplasty procedure done where three stints were inserted in one of his arteries. He goes back in a few weeks to have more inserted.

  I talked him into letting me drive him to the hospital so I could be with him; he also agreed I would take him home when they released him. What do you think the old sob did? Yep, at the last minute he sends me an email saying that he loved me from the bottom of his heart for wanting to be there, but he was driving himself to and from the hospital. He pulled a fast one on me and it was too late to even try to intervene.

  Whatever the man is going through, part of it must include the fight to keep his dignity. I think he also does not want to bother anyone either. I am torn and it hurts because while I want to be there as a son for this man who has loved me and has been so good to me, to show my love and appreciation, he simply will not accept it from me, at least not in that way. To him, it means he is finished if he could not care for himself, I suppose.

  He could not, however, stop me from coming to the damn hospital tho. I did and I took one of daughters with me. His face lit up and he was like a child, giddy and delighted. That was the sort of love and appreciation he could gladly accept. Sometimes, it is just a mattter of respecting the rights and preferences of others no matter how absurd their decisions might seem . . . as hard as it is.

  Corvin
• 

  talesin

  Yeah, I'll tell my ex to stop clucking like a hen the next time I am sick and he finds out I went to the hospital by myself.

  hehehe, I'm sure HE will appreciate it. I'll tell him you said so. heheh

  Like many men, I tend to 'disappear' when I am really sick, preferring to 'suffer' alone. I am being taught, very s-l-o-w-l-y, by those who care about me, that this is not a good idea. When we are unwell, a little bit of kindness and special treatment can make the healing go a lot quicker. It's also a kindness to others to allow them to care for you (says she who is the worst at accepting help, but I'm trying, I really am trying, to learn how to say "I'm weak right now, and need your assistance" without feeling guilty and unworthy).

  We're all just folks, and some of us need to learn to ask for help when we need it. Women just as much as the men. Let's not go all sexist on this issue, LT, kay?

  {{{{{Jim_TX}}}}}

  ,,, yes, I know how you feel, hon. If it weren't for my ex, I too, would be all alone. Still, it is hard to call and ask an ex for help, ya know what I mean? It is scary to be sick, incapable of looking after yourself, and have no one to call on. I hope this changes for you in the near future.

  What I have discovered, is that being alone is MY choice, since I have a hard time trusting anyone. It is a real struggle to open up and show some vulnerability. Therefore, it is much easier to be alone - usually. As Simon and Garfunkel put it,

  "I am a rock, I am an island... cause a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries."

  This has been my life's mantra ,,, I think it's time to throw it out and get a new one. I am not a rock, nor an island. If I am not willing to risk the pain, I will never experience the true joys of friendship and love.

  So take a leap of faith, Jim, Maverick, and anyone else out there who is afraid to trust. And I'll jump in with ya. My experiences over the last weeks on this board, and what with being sick myself lately, have taught me that people DO care, they WILL be there for you, and it's worth the risk! Ah, now I'm getting all misty-eyed. heheh We do not have to live out our lives in solitude for fear of being hurt.

  My take on the thread, doesn't mean I'm right (... NOT) heheh j/k

  talesin

  (of the non-clucking-could-be-a-lot-less-macho-herself-when-she-is-sick class)
• 

  Sassy

  I think it is best to have a family member or friend take you to the hospital if you are able. What if your attack double or trippled while you were driving??

  Now after saying all that, I had to go to the hosital myself last September. I had driven into the dr (had been sick for over a month and out of the clinic for three weeks) that day and then by the time I got back to my desk at work, the dr called me and said to report right away to the emergency room. But I have no family nearby and SimpleSally is an hour drive away.. so it seemed silly to have her come here to bring me in. So I drove myself. Which was ok.. except when it came time for me to get out of the hospital, which turned out to be a week later (I had pnumonia and was anemic), I was so weak and there was my car in the lot and I had to drive myself home. It was rough to do actually..

  Then I was alone and home on bedrest for two weeks after that..
• 

  truthseeker1

  This goes along with drunk driving. Sure you can probably make it, but you are impaired. Just get someone else to drive or take a cab.
• 

  frankiespeakin

  LT,

  I'm just like you,,I don't like people fussing over me,,I have a high tollerance for pain,,but I think my problem is I hate to see other people suffer,,and feel worse if some one I love or care about sees me suffer,,so I go hide until it passes which it always does.
• 

  bebu

  If my husband were in such poor shape, and kept this information from me because he didn't want to upset me, I would really struggle with feeling betrayed, even though I know that is not what he would have intended to do. I would truly be astounded.

  People who really love you won't belittle you when you are really uncertain and in pain, even after it's all cleared up. I guess humor can work against us without our being aware of it...

  My bro-in-law had kidney stones, and he says it was the worst pain he's ever experienced.

  bebu

  PS: Mav, has the problem been dealt with? Or are you just on pain meds?
• 

  iiz2cool

  I had kidney stones last year and had to drive myself to the hospital because my wife was too busy watching TV to be of any use to me. Same thing happened a few years ago when my doc told me to get myself to the ER because she was concerned about my heart rate. Luckily I didn't go off the road or anything, but next time I'll take a cab.

  You're lucky to have people around who care and will help if they're able. Don't shut them out.

  Walter
• 

  Xena

  You have a tough exterior, but I know you have a large, soft heart! You have said you don't need another person to be complete, and while I'll not argue that point, I know for myself it is a lot more interesting to share life. There is no shame in wanting to share yourself. There is no flaw or weakness in admitting ones needs. There are people out there who will love you if you let them. Take the chance. Maverick

  hhhmmmm sounds like someone else needs to take this advise huh mav??? Let the people who love you share everything, including your pain.

  Glad to hear you are feeling better though, my ex had kidney stones and I know they can be a bitch!
• 

  LittleToe

  Ok, I feel appropriately "clucked" over (and I'm not even the guy with the stone...)!!!

  LT of the "chastised, and less sexist" class
• 

  Maverick

  Wow! I worked all day and came home to all these responses!

  I know it was wrong of me to just go and deal with the situation. But at the time I felt not upsetting my 19 year old daughter was the right thing to do. As for the drive to the hospital, it took all the powers of concentration I had, which was a good thing pain wise, to drive to the hospital. And I hit every red light along the way! Once I got there and the staff started working on me I was busy dealing with all of their stuff. Then the Doctor saw me and had me get and MRI and X-rays and once that came back they shot me full of Demirol (sp). At this point I'm worthless! When I came to I was having another attack and they shot me up again! Once that passed it was 3 AM. So now I'm in deep s**t! If I call a girl friend I have to explain why I didn't call her before, and the same with my daughter. It was LESS painful to bypass the female equation all together.

  Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Maverick