Sorry, for those about to read. I don't post often here. To be honest, I relate to almost everything I read here. Yet, at the same time it is comforting to know my experiences are common, it is also sad and frustrating to hear how it has hurt other people as well. There are times I read the posts and I laugh and grin and I so enjoy the humor many of the members share, there are also times the "JW speak" gets to me and I have to leave the website and try to get it off my mind.
Growing up, I was the younger of two girls. My older sis became a pioneer, forsake art school or college and moved away so she could pioneer with an older pioneer woman who was a mother figure to her. Our own mother had become baptized, but was DF due to smoking and getting caught. All my preteen years were spent explaining to the "friends" why I myself had not been baptized yet. My Dad was baptized, my sister, my mother. Many times my folks set up "sleepovers" with more "strong sisters" who were my age and already baptized and each time, it was only a matter of time before the young sister would bring up the importance of dedication to Jehovah and so forth. In any case, as the years progressed, I did not become baptized, but went to college to earn a college degree. Many of you understand how the JW frowned about "placing such faith in this system". Even though most of the elders drove really nice cars, had nice homes and even vacation homes. That ius besides my point here so I shall move on.
So all my life, my sister and I have not been close due to this belief difference. She is a dedicated follower of JW and I was never baptized. I went on and was married, had children. My sister and her elder husband always said they did not want children. About a month or so ago, my sis calls me and tells me that my children are going ot have a new cousin. NOT that I am going to become an Aunt, but that my children will have a new cousin. I was so shocked. All these years I never expected her to have a child. I had always thought that they would be wonderful parents, but they made it a point up until recently, to NOT have children. They travel around the world, visit conventions and make "new friends". This is the rant part of my post. More like, me feeling sorry for myself, sorry for the relationship I never had with my sister and never WILL have. A couple days after she told me she was pregnant, I called her, offering some of my pregnancy books that I have held on to for sentimental reasons. Of any person in the world I would be willing to give them to, it would be my sister. She told me she "already had" so many books from her "sisters", so many in fact, she will hardly even be able to read them all! Although I am happy she has a support system, it was like a bolt of pain right to my heart when she emailed me that fact. So I then knew, I was about the LAST person in her life to be told she is having a child. I have three children who hold my heart in every way possible. I had wished I could share with my sister, something so special as becoming a mother.
But I can't. She is a JW. I am not. That fact will forever prevent us from the love and sharing of motherhood. I am hurt. Angry. Frustrated. Sad.