VERY BAD
How has your marriage been affected by leaving the WTS?
by Leander 44 Replies latest jw friends
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justhuman
WE ALMOST BRAKE APART WHEN I BECAME AN APOSTATE
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iiz2cool
Wife and I separated in December. While I was moving my things out she wouldn't talk to me unless elders were present. Lost the house I inheirited from my dad and we're currently fighting over the money that's left over from the sale.
Walter
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gumby
Well....I guess I'm one of the success stories of one who can make while the other is "still in".
It could have went sour for me real easy. When I first learned I had been decieved and was in a cult......I went bonkers with my emotions at first. I told my wife what I thought of our religion in about 3 different battles we had. I told her everything I could think of and why I felt as I did.
Since those battles......we both keep our mouths shut about religion and our own choices. She never said anything to me when I went the Christianity route......no inuendo's or any snide remarks........and I did the same for her.
We get along good for the situation we are in......it could be much better if I could be included in the family with my daughter, son-in-law and my two grandkids. I'm on the outside.......and deal with it. Many CANNOT deal with this. They feel in this situation their mate has sided against them in this manner. They have in a way..........but I remember I thought as my wife did for most of my life and I understand why she acts as she does in this regard. I have lots more to say.....but I'm prolly saying too much already.
My buddy shotgun is having a rough time and cases like his hurts.......real bad.
Here's a big manly hug and squeeze for my pal shotgun. Hang in there bud.......3 weeks and we can talk a bunch.
Gumby
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Quietly Patient
My experience has been completely different, I was raised 3rd gen. jw, I married a non believer, who thankfully was wonderful and "respected my beliefs"-poor guy! I kept thinking he'd convert to jwism but, thank God, he had more sense than that! He was always making subtle comments about how "it's ok to celebrate anniversaries but not birthdays", or "I don't believe God cares who's wearing the most expensive clothes to the meetings, so why is everyone showing off while claiming to be modest" etc., etc....I brushed all this off a million times really, in after thought I have a lot of guilt for what I put him through, his family was less than pleased that he was going along w/ my no holidays, and no transfusions and that has caused so much grief for 3.5 years, especially once we had a child. I still severely dislike his parents for stuff they did/said, I was-still am a GREAT person, they just couldn't move past the religion issue...I digress. It took me a little over 3.5 years of being married to find this site after hearing about the UN affiliation and I'm completely done w/ it! I guess this is my long way of saying that I had nearly 26 years of brainwashing in me, a bit over 3.5 of that wasted my husband's life, and sadly, nearly 2 years of my son's life...what counts here is that I eventually DID listen to all those small comments, and now things are wonderful-it is possible!
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Jade
Those that can make it work are very fortunate. My leaving the borg went hand in hand with a divorce and a nasty custody battle. I know several couples on this board that did come out together and I really applaud them both for having the strength to get through it all.
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Odrade
My husband and I came out together, but he didn't think I would. When he finally showed me what he was reading/learning, on some level I think he was prepared for me to say "That's apostate! I'm leaving!" Although he was pretty sure I wouldn't react that way, it was still a big risk for him.
Since leaving, our marriage is in pretty good shape, in spite of dealing individually with the aftermath of realizing you've been lied to your entire life by the people you trust most. Alot of what we quarrelled about before was meeting attendance and the WTS rules--mainly that I didn't think he was following them. Now, we have a lot more freedom to pursue separate interests, and still spend good time together instead of sitting in the hall getting indoctrinated to be submissive/spiritual head(louse).
I feel for those of you with spouses who could not see the truth about the "troof." I have more than a sneaking suspicion that had I not seen it, and insisted on staying JW, our marriage would not have survived. And sad to say, I likely would have been the one to end it for "spiritual endangerment." What a terrible religion.
O
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95stormfront
Wow Leander
Sorry to hear things not going well for you.
I remember and was following your exit with great interest when you'd found that you'd had enough. Back then, I was posting as Out4good3.
A couple of months ago I had a long talk with my wife. We're reaching midlife now, kids are all moving out the house and big changes ahead. I told her that I'm not in the market for a relationship with anyone else and that as far as I'm concerned, I intend to spend the rest of my life with her. I told her that I recognize that our interests are taking divergent paths somewhat, but, I'm looking forward to us doing more traveling, spending more time with each other, taking care of each other, getting to know each other all over again, but that I do not feel compelled to add a religious component to it, especially going back to JW meetings. I let her know straight up that if she felt that if me going back to meetings would be her only reason for holding this relationship together, that we had no relationship per se and that we probably should consider other options.
I think she understood and felt where I was coming from, as she doesn't even bother me with WT related garbage anymnore save the occasional magazine she leaves in conspicous places for me to see. We'lll see where it goes from here.
I'd really hate to lose her....I love her so much, but I just can't fathom having the rest of my life dictated by a WT schedule.
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Leander
Glad to hear you found a common ground 95. I think I could possibly do the same if was'nt for the fact that I want to raise a family.
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Country Girl
Although my marriage has not been affected by me leaving, per se, it's affected by me *still* leaving, and he's not even a JW, nor ever even knew any. We were together through the whole trauma of me "finding out" and the different emotions one goes through because of that. While I haven't been IN for 20 years, my absolutely finding out that it was all a lie was about seven years ago. One who was never, can't understand, but I think he tries as much as he is able to. He's like a normal guy.. and our marriage is affected by my phobias, hangups, etc, which can try his nerves, but he's good about trying to understand it all. I appreciate that. Alot.
CG