Where are they now?

Puternut

It's hard to believe, it's been over a year since I was df'd. I was in the borg for 25 years and made a lot of friends. We were so close with several families, that we were inseperable. Most of them I have spent hours and hours on the phone with, or visiting, helping out, counseling, what have you. Toward the end of my 'career' as a witness, they undestood my position as well as my circumstances, and returned the favor by supporting me. They saw me going throug seperation, even stepping down as an elder.

But you know, until now I have never had a phone call from anyone. Makes you wonder if they even care, or are scared of the WT. How can you just forget someone? How can you not think about someone (me), who who stood by your side trough thick and thin. Hospital visits, death, abuse, marriage problems.... Seems now, like it was all for not..... I would have given my right arm for them.

Why this post? I just had a phone call from someone (not a witness) who reminded me of them. We were so close.....

Do I miss them, yes, but not now, under these 'conditions'.... as in "conditional" love
My door remains open.

Puternut

(life goes on)

Sassy

I totally relate. So many people we thought loved us and I guess they might still but their obedience to the blindness comes first.

I have had a friend calling me lately that is still a JW, but she needs my help too. I am wondering if the minute she doesn't need me any more, if her conscience will bother her and I won't hear any more.

The funny thing is she even mentioned to me that she appreciates that I have not bothered to try and have contact with my old JW friends. Ironic how it would be wrong for me to call or email her, but it was ok for her to 'reach out and say hello' oh.. and ask for help

Corvin

It seems it is fear, not love, that motivates one in the organization to abandon friendships that once seemed so strong and loving.

They will explain that it was the common bond of love for Jehovah that made the friendship so strong and now that you no longer love Jehovah and the truth we can no longer love you. Puter, I am sure you were there for them when it was their weaknesses that caused them to be in need of your love and friendship, and that you most likely went beyond the superficial bond of JW love to be there for them. They obviously forget that.

My best friend from my teenage years is no longer active in the organization, although baptized. We went through a lot together. His neice and one of my daughters are now best friends and I love watching the two of them together, for it reminds me of my teen years. Recently we had the occasion to talk on the phone since he was taking my daughter and his neice along with a few others camping in the desert. It was good for both of us to connect after all these years. He told me he was inactive and rarely hit up a meeting, but because I was df'd he could not so much as have a drink with me. He was afraid of what would happen if someone were to find out. LOL.

It is is funny because we did alot of crazy stuff as kids that we would have gotten in trouble for but being baptized and in good standing made it OK for some reason. It is sad that, although fading, he is still controlled by the org and is missing out on a wonderful friendship with someone who still loves him very much.

Sharing your sadness,

Corvin

peacefulpete

I also can relate Putternut. Most revealing tp me is that even the students I indoctrinated and persuaded never made any attempt to inquire about what happened. I know there were rumours that I lost my mind. (not kidding, some actually spoke to my then JW wife offering condolences and sent sympathy cards.) I was there when they had doubts and I confidently taught them how to suppress them. IMO it is not fear of reprisal or fear of being thought bad of, it's fear of BEING WRONG that keeps us at arms length. Ironically it amounts to pride to ignore the facts to preserve personal dignity. Add to that the huge emotional and financial investment and the cost of being wrong is just too great for most. Both my wife and I can now be honest with ourselves and confess that for years we subconsciously knew something was terribly wrong with the doctrinal and scientific ends of things. It was fear of being wrong that kept me pushing away anything that hinted that my understanding was wrong. It took an emotional jolt equal to my fear to give me the courage to keep learning (damned the torpedos). Because the program was no longer working for me anyway (relocated and was being maligned by certain influential Elders) I felt more free to reason for myself without the fear of loss. As a little time has passed I see now how this type of selective vision dominates many people's lives in other areas of life. Personal relationships, politics/war,and of course religion.

jst2laws

Puternut,

I think Corvin is right, it's FEAR. You know from you conversation that it is not his conscience limiting him.

My own Dad, who died about 7 months ago, was supposed to go to Italy with us where he served in WWII. He called about 3 months before the trip to say he couldn't go. His grandchildren had learned of the trip and warned he could be disfellowshipped for a needless trip with his Apostate son. He said he could not stand the thought of getting cut off from the rest of his children and grandchildren. It was just fear of being caught and DF'd.

If it were not for the harsh Disfellowshipping policy I suspect about 30% of the present JW's would live a different life.

Hope you are doing well, Puternut.

Jst2law

Special K

Where have they gone and what are they doing.

My husband and I wonder that from time to time.

There was on couple in particular that we so got along with.. We had so much fun together. We still miss them and still think dearly of them even though we have d'fd for 11 years.

We miss them.

Special K

Stefanie

I miss my girlfreind Eyvonne. And her daughter.

Double Edge

I would have given my right arm for them.

And therein lies the difference. Life has a way of bringing things full-circle.... just wait, you're still in the beginning of your journey.

cyber-sista

I think they are hiding their heads in the sand. If they only knew the truth about the truth they would be ashamed of themselves as to how they are treating you. This thought gives me a bit of comfort, but yeh, it still hurts...20 plus years and I'm dropped like a hot potato and I am not even Dfd or DAd. But as you know JWs are constantly fed with fear and that fear prevents them from being true to themselves and others. Hang in there Puternut.

Love,

Cybs

Carmel

Obviously Puter, your love for them was of a different quality than theirs for you. Wonder why..could it be that Love as defined by the FDS is different as in ABNORMAL!? Hope you can find a new reference group and get on with life. I like that you remain approachable with the door always open.,. I suspect some of them may just walk through just when you least expect it. Me thinks those who have normal human instincts are the first ones to leave the control of the octogenerians.

good on ya

carmel

Where are they now?

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