how much Nepotism in the congregations?

by badboy 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cyber-sista

  Strange stories, but all so true from my experience too. Both the congos I attended over the years had lots of family relations going on. In the former one I attended about half the congo was related. Fine Christian examples of happy families? These people treated each other horribly. There was some major family feuding going on with many relatives not speaking with each other or giving each other the evil eye at meetings. It was very stressful to be at the KH because of all of this. It was beginning to make me gag whenever any one of them would give a meeting comment about JWs having "love among themselves." In the end when one of the elders was chewing me out for having a "normal" relationship with my "worldly" functional family and he said to me "I love my worldly family too, but I consider my real family to be those in Jehovah's Organization. Was he really expecting me to trade my precious family in for this bunch of morons at the KH?

  Yes, there was an elder's son appointed as an elder too. He was young (maybe late 20s) and was a big goof who teased everyone--cruely teasing teenage girls about their acne, etc. I was floored when he was appointed an elder. I couldn't imagine receiving council from this punky kid.
• 

  willyloman

  Here's another story for you:

  In a nearby congo, according to an elder I used to be tight with: An elder with no visible skills whatsoever, but whose brother in law is PO, is asked by the CO to resign because of massive problems in his family (randy teenagers). Other elders were relieved because in addition to family problems, he clearly wasn't "qualified" to be an elder. That is, he was a dud on the platform, had almost no grasp of the English language, was clearly no student, read verbatim from the text whenever he answered a question during the WT or meeting part, etc. You know the type. Anyway, couple years go by, the two errant teens leave home and move far away. His name is brought up at the elder's meeting by.... you guessed, it his B-I-L, the PO. Enough elders are opposed so that the recommendation isn't made, but his name comes up again six months later, and six months after that. By then, there is just one holdout and he is recommended. Holy spirit does its job at Bethyl and, of course, he is appointed.

  A year later some of these elders, citing a long list of grievances, raise the question at a quarterly meeting about whether it is time to appoint a new PO. There are nine elders, all present. After some heated discussion, one of the brothers moves that it be put to a vote. The vote is 5-4 in favor of not making a change. However, the brother who made the original motion points out that the newly appointed brother-in-law shouldn't have voted because of the family tie. Another elder points out that the PO should have abstained as well since he's personally involved. Neither backs down.

  This whole mess is taken to the new CO, whose visit is a couple of weeks later. Two of the elders insist that the "real vote" was 4-3 in favor of a change in position, because the two elders who are related should have abstained.

  The CO's decision? "You brothers work it out."

  Not only is there nepotism; the organization won't touch it with a ten foot pole unless it involves something they consider serious. Elder appointments, apparently, are not considered serious business.
• 

  Cicatrix

  "Do we attend the same cong, or is this that goes on in almost every cong? "
  
  It goes on in pretty much every congregation, and in all parts of the world, lol. Kids have to deal with raging hormones everywhere. What's hard to deal with is the rank hypocrisy amongst the JWs over who gets disciplined for it and who doesn't.It reminds me so much of Nathaniel Hawthorne's "Scarlet Letter."
  
  My daughter was targetted for one of these little "make an example out of them" lessons. A long time member of the congregation reported that he had seen her "running around" our little town late at night with another girl from the hall. In actuality, he had probably seen her cousin, who resembles my daughter from a distance, and who is not in any way, shape or form, a Witness.My daughter and her friend were home with me all night, watching music awards on tv. Unfortunately, the rumor stuck, and my daughter and her friend got an undeserved reputation of being "wild," 'cause brother so-and-so said so, and he'd been one of the founding members of the congregation.
  
  In the meantime, the grandson of the PO at the time was sexually involved with an unbaptised girl from another congregation. It was well known amongst the kids that this relationship was going on, and I expect some adults knew as well (I suspected as much, after an open condom wrapper blew out of his car at the Kingdom Hall, but by that time, I'd already dealt with so much crap, I no longer felt the need to get involved in anyone's business anymore). The boy was baptised, the girl was not. She was baptised after she "improved" her field service time for a month, so they could "date," even though she was still in high school, and "fornicating" with the "brother".
  
  Later on, another unbaptised JW girl was having sex with my nephew's friend (not a Witness). Well, he found out that she was cheating on him. My nephew, who was familiar with JW policy because of us, told his friend to tell her parents what was going on, lol. Well, I guess it hit the fan for her at home, but there was nothing done in the congregation, as she wasn't baptised (and was in a prominent family).Sadly, the girl's mom later learned that her husband was cheating on HER.
  
  Another elder stepped down when his daughter began having problems. She was disfellowshipped, and even after she was reinstated, she was treated badly by many congregation members. I asked about her a little while before I left.Her mom told me that even when she goes back to that area to visit them, she refuses to step foot in that hall.I told her mom to send her my love, and that I don't blame her for feeling that way. Her mom just nodded and hugged me.
  
  So the inconsistencies are pretty glaring. If you have the right last name, you can party till the cows come home, but if you don't, your disfellowshipping never really ends, and anything anyone says can and will be used against you. It's sad, really sad.
• 

  Crooked Lumpy Vessel

  I guess this is a problem that is in every congregation. Its a regular Peyton Place. You would almost guess we were from the same congregation.
• 

  orangefatcat

  Holy Toledo, Batman what a mess. Ah yes that loveable word favourtism. Yes big time in one cong. that I was in for many years.

  The Presiding O was an okay fellow, but then one day he betrayed my trust when I was a teenager and I felt that I could no longer trust him. Any way he has a son of his own, he's a real moma's boy. It way disgusting to see how they all lolley gaged over one another. Anyway as the son grew into his twenties he was made an elder, gee whiz, I wonder why. Did daddy PO have something to do with this? Yes sir he sure did. So now this young whipper snapper thinks he's the cock of the walk and everyone should look up to him. He was a real jerk. When he and my sister were teenagers he was always trying to get into my sisters pant. Any way my sister couldn't take the hypocrisy and left the org. for 14yr.

  She eventually came back in (what a mistake that was). Anyway brother little elder could bearly look my sister in the face at the meeting because of what they did when they were teens. This Brother went around with one smug smirking face. He made me nauseous, because I was privy to what he and my little sister did. She always told me what she did with him. Such a sorrid tale that is .

  So the years have skipped by and Daddy Elder's wife and he decide to become full time pioneers. Their elder son and his wifey were now pioneering. His two other sisters also were pioneers. One daughter the older one, wasn't like the rest of her family.

  She was married to this wonderful guy whom I knew from many years earlier. They were haviing a tough go of things she had an affair with another brother and her husband committed suicide. What a tradgey it was as he was one great guy and she was something else. Anyway after her husband committed suicide (By the way it was so hush hush and the funeral was in the funeral home) she decided to live common law with the bro she had an affair with. A few years done the road she is reinstated and her husband was now reinstated. They were sorry for all the transgressions they had committed.

  She was the bold and a different kind of person in the family, you know kind of like the black sheep. But she was trying to make it right in her own way. Now this family was thick as theives. They did everything to gether. They were the family who seemed to rule the kingdom hall. I mean Daddy elder was the pillar of the congregation. Aside from the fact the elder son was a creepy little hypocrite. You see sister matriarch of the house hold was elderly in her late 70ies and a widow for many many years. She took turns living with her daughter & (daddy elder')is son in law. She stayed with them until they recieved an assignment to pioneer in the Toronto area. So dear elderly grandma moves in with the son and his family. Now as we all know families have little skeltons in the family and they are all hush hush. However daughter (blacksheep of her family) decides she has something to tell the other elders in the hall. Apparently her brother (elder smart ass) was beating up grandma in secret. Abusing her terribly. So his big sister tells all and now her brother (elder ) was called up to the committee and guess what ? That crummy now go weasel and abuser was removed as an elder. Quickly mommy and daddy elder return to their orginal home and the next thing daddy elder is removed too.

  How did I come to know all this? Well as sister in the KH. is very unhappy, I see her one day when I am shopping for Christmas decorations. She comes over to me and talks to me. Now she knows I am disfellowshipped, (the whole world around here and from Toronto to Quebec know this). But she still wants to talk. She told me she was very unhappy, couldn't stand the gossip and hypocrisy. She stopped trusing people. And then she let all the news out about father and son elder. She said she wanted out of the organization but was reluctant as her son and his wife are special pioneers in Halifax. I tell her she has to be true to herself and I told her I would be delighted to be her friend. She was happy with that to some extent. I have ran into her several times since she told me this story. She is afraid to leave. But I told her she could do it because if I could do it anyone could leave.

  It seems to me that in every cong. I have been in and there are several in the 38 years I was in the org. I have seen so many examples of nepotism.

  Anyway, I know that this was kind of long, but I hope you enjoyed my tale .

  All my love
  Orangefatcat.....
• 

  kilroy2

  The old cong that I went to in vanderbuilt mi. was full of it.

  We used to say date things by this dynasty or that dynasty, in the early seventys the guardners and pattons came in, and they had a form of nepotism going on.

  The would have friends move up north from the southern part of mich. and kicked out all the old local elders.

  Then several years ago. my old partner kunde married a hook, Yep that it right we called him cap. hook.

  Hook came in like a steam roller, and took the cong. like the beaches at normandy.

  The old guradner clan was old and weak. He appointed his two son's inlaws and all that did not have a nose very close to a hole surounded by a sphincter mussle was put in the back ground.

  We used to liken it to the sorority house in the begining of animal house, where they keep all the undesirables in the back, the hall to this day is very polorized,

  I left 9 years ago when it all just started but I had a brother that stayed in the for a few more years and was trying to become a MS but never could get the hang of sniffing hooks ass.

  he has since left. but kept me informed of how bad it was in the cong.

  It is still a cap. hook hall to this day. Although I heard an unconfirmed report that a new CO came in and shook down the hook dynasty for being to clickish.

  and did put the stupid son in law in charge [repp] so I look at it as fighting to be prez of your local book club. much ado about nuttin, why go and fight to be part of something so stupid it does not register on the stupid scale. IMHO
• 

  booker-t

  I remember years ago at the kingdom hall I attended an elder's son was a known homosexual but this elder son was not disfellowshipped or reproved but continued to come to the meetings and go out in field service. Everybody was talking about it and the son got caught in a gay bar after being arrested it was becoming to well known and people were beginning to rebell in protest at this kingdom hall because this guy was not df'd or reproved. To make a long story short the son died of Aids and the elder was eventually disfellowshipped his wife was disfellowshipped and the whole family left JW's I heard through the grapevine that the elder was reinstated and remarried. The other son is still an ex-jw and doesn't plan on ever coming back to the JW's
• 

  willyloman

  Here's another example:

  I served with an elder who had gone to some backwater rural place to pioneer "where the need was great" along with his biological brother and some others. Over time, he went and his wife wound up in Bethyl, his younger brother came back to his home state and married a pio sister and settled down. Some years pass, the younger brother has stopped being an elder for some unexplained reason. He comes to all the meetings but never talks about his situation. Mostly he works, building his janitorial business. He and his wife have kids, she stops pioneering. One day the older brother arrives from Bethyl. Turns out due to some health problems, he and his wife have left and decided to settle in our congo. He's going to work in his brother's "business." His wife is going to pioneer. The WTS has sent a letter appointing him an elder in our congo.

  The two brothers begin to work together. This consists, primarily, of the two of them driving around in a van all day, talking. They have half the pioneers and young adults in the congo working for them while they "supervise" and chat up clients. They have an actual office downtown, where they display and sometimes even sell janitorial supplies. They are together 10 or 12 hours a day. The younger brother never does become an elder. But what do you think they talk about? One time I am in a car group with these two guys and the older brother spends 30 minutes driving around while discussing a judicial matter we are handling. I am uncomfortable talking about it in front of his brother, who has no "official" standing in the congo. But the other elder doesn't give it a thought. It's quicky apparent to me that they must talk about this kind of stuff all the time when they are alone together. Because of their close bond, no elder EVER approaches this publisher and asks when he is going to "reach out" for oversight again. He is "protected" by the assumption that, if he needs talking to, his brother will handle it.

  Yes, nepotism lives in dubland.
• 

  ARoarer

  In the congregation there was a pedophile with many victims who was protected by his nephew and brother in law and other interrelated elders. Incest was being covered up by them even though many of the victims were little girls in the family. It was a matter of hiding the secret to protect the family name not Jehovah's name. Even one of the Son's of the pervert covered for his father the pedophile and turned on other family members who tried to expose what he had done. This was all because of spiritual incest from nepotism that led to the cover up of true incest in the congregation.
• 

  Deleted

  Reverse nepotism?

  As I recall if you had the last name Phipps in our part of the world you'd never "make" ministerial servant from about '84 onwards.