What first gave you doubts ?

by rick1199 63 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Mum

  My serious doubts began when I married an elder. I was the only member of my family who was a JW at the time. I was not aware of what went on with elders -- the petty rivalries, the abuse of power, the downright arrogance!

  After having a nervous breakdown and serious depression (untreated and ignored because I was among the "happiest people on earth"), I knew I had to make some changes. But I was not allowed to do things that would contribute to my sense of well-being, namely furthering my education and enjoying theater and music that was to my taste.

  What really did me in was the realization that being a JW had not made me a better person. Au contraire! I realized that I had turned into a petty, judgmental, gossiping, stagnating poor excuse for a human being. However, these negative traits made me fit in with the elders' wives and other JW elite.

  Free at last,

  SandraC
• 

  Agent 1 of 1

  There are many things that led up to my awakening. Alot of them were little things. And a few big things. I could go on and on about them, but what kept me in the Org still was the saying, "Don't let imperfect men sway you." ARGGHHH!!!
  
  I read several posts about being a born-again and it reminded me of a time I was in the field ministry. The publisher with me was preaching to this born-again lady. She had her Bible and the two were going back and forth proving each other the better.
  I was just rolling my eyes in the back of the head, because I knew there was nothing we could do to change her mind. But, what got to me was what she said.
  She explained that she was abused when she was young and when she was 13 she was able to find the Lord and be born-again. And then she had this look in her eyes that said that there was no way anybody was going to take that away from her.
  I just couldn't understand how she could be a wicked person that God would condemn. There was no way I was going to try to destroy the woman's world.
  
  There are other instances that made me realize something was wrong, but all of them finally just added up, made me crack, and I had to give myself a break from the meetings. Which in effect, allowed the indoctrination (the constant voice of guilt in my head) to depart.
  
  And I am a much happier person now.
• 

  onacruse

  Bethel.

  Before that, I was a 100% born-and-bred stars-in-his-eyes die-hard-with-a-rifleWatchtower-in-his-hand true believer.

  After that, I was "damaged goods." If only I'd seen my way clear then to get out of that damned cult; but those rose-colored glasses were like Super-glued onto my face, and it took another 30 years to finally face the increasingly daunting mountain of accumulated doubts...the "generation change" was the killer, but even then it wasn't until several years later, when I joined JWD, that it all truly started to come crashing down.

  Now, usually , when I do an emotional walk-about, I find myself just disinterestedly kicking that part of my life, like an old tin can that just happens to be on the street in front of me...though sometimes I do kick that can with a little more aggression. Craig
• 

  gespro

  Wow! Intense thread!!

  I was born in the 'troof' to a narcissistic theocratic mother. Conditional Love R Us!

  Dad got driven out of the house before I
  was born, Baptised at 8 or 9, left home at 17 for the last time and married an alcholic college girl, brought my pregnant bride back into the troof. Was told my first baptism was invalid -study for a new one. My mother wasn't pleased with that decision. She wanted me to hang!

  While going D-to-D withthe elder who took over my life and family, we ran into some Christians. The elder and I sat and talked to these real gentle men who seemed to imitate the Christ better than we were with their calmness of spirit. After the elder pounded his fist on their table, the Christians asked if we could all pray together to find the truth of our debate. The elder grabbed me and said," We'll not pray with you!" And out the door we went. "We showed them, eh brother!" I was confused. A shouting match and us dubs were the ones with our mouths open. I wasn't impressed by this display. The other guys , to me, really showed a beautiful, patient spirit that impressed more than Brother Tablepounder had.

  After my 2nd daughter made it through without a blood transfusion because of the RH factor and going to court to have child neglect charges thrown out of court and striken from my record , we're sitting in a meeting and [to this day, I still can't believe what I heard] from the podium I hear, "It's not a real test of faith when we have to defend the blood issue." All I could think was 'What the hell is he saying to us?' My demise was swift and my family fell apart soon after that. I don't know about anyone else, but it was not easy to see my little baby sick in the hospital...I have to stop now

  I'm still glad she didn't have a transfusion because the blood supply was not as 'clean' then as it is now. I didn't have doubts until almost 25 years later I went back to the Hall and talked to these Bozo's about coming back. I saw how they treated me. That's when I had doubts. I had grown up and could see something really wrong with these people. Then I read the Ray Franz C o C book and lost my mind for about 2 years. I found it and now I'm back better than ever and finally I can start having a relationship with my Lord and Saviour.
• 

  woodland

  I vividly remember laughing internally from the age of 5yrs. Nothing against the Americans? put the religion is completely American! As a British person, I was never going to be able to relate to a character in a biblical play called Randy, or listen to the My Book of Bible Stories tape narrated with an American drawl. Also, the language used in the literature was so simple, obviously intended for the uneducated (that was my opinion as a 7 year old learning to read!!!). I don?t feel that I every truly believed it. Rather, it was the environment that I found myself, so knew no different. I wouldn?t say I had doubts, more a feeling that this isn?t real. It?s make-believe. I never truly got down with the beliefs, but as at that time, I didn?t have any better ideas, so stuck with it until I was 18yrs. In the end I decided rather than waiting for something to come along that I could accept as Truth, it would be best for me to reject what I saw as pure fabrication, so I disassociated myself. I?ve been doing the same every since; deciding what I can?t put my faith in, rather than searching for something I can believe. My life has gone from strength to strength, and now I can say that I KNOW WHO I AM? something that totally eluded me during my experience of BEING a JW.
• 

  Lady_Kaye

  My best freind was not a JW. She is the best person. She is kind, condsiderate, a wonderful friend always there when you need her. She was there when I was going through hard times. A year previous I had been told that If I don't move toward baptism there was no need to continue my study, so I stopped. I felt I was being punished cause things did get really bad. After meeting her and realising good people do exist I began to study again. Of course she was deemed bad association. At first I was like "yeah, we dont have anything in commom any more." That didn't last long because she had proven to be a real friend and there is no way I could turn my back on that. I knew that if I became a witness she could not be my friend.
• 

  drwtsn32

  The first time I thought "there are problems with the org" was when I saw the Dateline child abuse thing.

  But what broke my implicit trust in the Society was when I found they lied profusely in the 1985 Creation book. After that I started questioning other things they said and my wall of faith crumbled faster than the "DF'd for apostasy" rumors started to spread. (At this point we are still not DF'd or DA'd.)
• 

  boa

  being born in a borg family....the doubts came slowly but thankfully eventually....

  The earliest doubts I remember are about the rules against 'apostate' literature. This prohibition didn't seem to line up with the power of the truth to conquer all - I still avoided it (until the last few months - muhahahaha )

  Also, I remember reading an article in Reader's Digest about the healing effect of prayer and how it seemed to help so many people who were not witnesses (duh)

  and one other early doubt was that essentially ALL strange, weird, alien events in the world are basically all done by da Debbil to mislead us just got too stretched to believe

  All this BEFORE going to Bethel, but that place is another story

  boa
• 

  bull01lay

  Although I hadn't particularly been strong for a while, my exit form the borg was swift, and came as a shock to me.

  I still felt it was the truth, although hated many of the mind controlling facets of it. But then being brought up a JW, I was already conditioned to accept this because we were imperfect, therefore needed our minds cleansing. I was always of the impression that someday, when I was ready, I'd go back - Jehovah could read my heart couldn't he - therefore surely wouldn't bring Armageddon before I was back in - and I wasn't going back till I was ready to serve God as the JW's taught me I should serve him!

  Slowly, I started to question more and more the treatment I received, and some of the things I saw these whiter than white witnesses doing. Then, LT contacted me. We had a laugh about old times, a moan about the org etc. This was it - it was time to start making efforts to go back in. An elder whom I respected and loved as my own brother had contacted me - God want's me back in!! I asked him if he could study with me over the net - to which he replied Yes, but questioned my reasonings for doing so. After a discussion and some heartfelt emails, he signed one off as "Please don't do it for me, as I won't be there"

  He then sent me the link re the WBTS and UN affiliation.

  That's when I questioned things more deeply, and took the time for some inner reflection too.

  Which is why I'm here now, already warming to the apostates I judged with my JW scales, and enjoying fellowship with the future raven fodder!! God bless us all!!!
• 

  DaCheech

  I am an active J.W. (Minist. Serv)
  
  I can attestify to any high court (or heaven)
  
  That when Hurrican Floyd hit my family with disaster in the late 90's, the brothers knew the next day... Did they help?
  
  No!!!!!!!
  
  My mother had to go live with my sister that is not a witness, and thank Jesus.... I had to live for 2 months with other relatives....
  
  1 month after I could not go to meetings due to this shattering disaster, the brothers called me to know why??? " you are not coming to meetings ? "
  
  Lucky for them, I went after that...
  
  Their articles on their helping is just propaganda to "encourage" with extreme exaggerations
  
  Just so you know "active J.W.'s" I am still a ministerial servant, and in good standing. But Jehovah or God knows the truth, and he will judge all these liars!!!
  
  I do not want to become an elder, because I would be sharing in this big sin of theirs. The bible says that these people will be accountable