Hi, I have been looking on the boards for a few months now, and it has had a profound effect on me. Thanks to all who I have spoken to, who have really helped me.
I was been bought up a JW.When I was 23 I left home and started 'living', got involved with a worldling, who I tried to convert so that we could be accepted. Well to cut a long story short I got disfellowshipped and was shunned by everyone I had ever known, family included! The loneliness was so intense, I moved back home to my parents so that I could have some form of contact and get my life in order. I married the chap I met, because I felt that was the right thing to do, seeing as we had had relations and didnt think a clean living brother would want a 'non virgin' wife!!! Well 9 years later and a helluva lot of arguments and confusion about what I really want, I have separated from my husband (he never did come along - he didnt believe in it, just said he went along with it to help get me back in!!!). I am in the process of fading. I have 2 lovely kids, who I want a better life for. I also have a new partner who has, although having no religious upbringing caused me to question my upbringing and beliefs for the first time in my life.
What has amazed me more than anything is that the people in the world are not all evil like I had been taught. They have been more caring and considerate of what I have been through than my so called JW family. I met my partners parents for the first time a couple of weeks ago and they welcomed me with open arms, made me feel like a normal person. Whereas my parents didnt even invite my boyfriend to take a seat or offer him a drink when they met him. Made we wonder who was the christian.
I cant beleive that for 31 years of my life I have done what everyone else has wanted me to do, made decisions to keep folk happy, and put aside doing what I wanted. Never had a birthday, never celebrated xmas, always felt like a freak or an outsider. Judged people just for not having the same opinion on life as me. How wrong is that? I just need to find the strength to do things differently for my children so that they can lead a normal balanced life.
Well thats me. And thanks again for all your replies of support, dont know if I could have coped so far without this site.
Never thought of myself as an apostate, you know how it is. Drilled into ya head that if you so much as question or disagree you are an apostate and the devils child! Well actually I dont feel that evil...I feel pretty damn good!
Chok