by new light 25 Replies latest jw friends
I know I'm way behind on the personal development thing, here, but do you stick up for certain people no matter what? I had always thought that standing up for "righteousness" was all that mattered. Now I think its more important to back up loved ones even if they are in the wrong. Any thoughts?
Edited to add: please do not mention "Drops of Jupiter" Thank you.
Hi, Sweets! How's things going?
As to your question, I love my friends unconditionally, but, I do tell them if they are in the wrong. Just as others have done for me in the past. How else will we grow, if our own friends won't help us to see other, better choices? Of course, there is a time and a place for this, and usually, it is when in private, and with as much love as possible.
Hope that helps?
Terri
I agree, Terri. I never ever correct adults in public. But I used to be such a stickler about everything, and I never knew the extreme pleasure that comes from backing someone up purely based on friendship. It feels really good. I mean really good. Obviously, there is a limit, but most events in life are small enough to let slide.
I absolutely do...............
and if it happens over an issue that I just cannot let slide, I tell them........privately of course.
I think that if you can't depend on your friends to back you up, then who CAN you depend on to do it?
(especially when your entire family is in the Borg)...........
If someone is complaining to me about a friend, I send them off to talk to that person. I hate being a go-between better to go to the source. If I know the facts and what I am being told is in error, I might say something to clear that up, that is what I call defending. If it seems that my friend has erred, then I go to my friend and get the whole story first. Then if I might share my opinion about it if it is serious.
Wrong--right are very subjective concepts in too many situations.
Blondie
Reminds me of a good story called "Julius Caeser".
Spoilers!!!!!!!
A good friend to Caeser had the name of Brutus. He loved his friend like a brother, however, he felt that Julius wouldn't be good for rome. So he had to choose. His friend, or the good of Rome? Brutus killed Julius blah blah blah and then Brutus ended up dieing and different stuff but he depended on the country over his friend. And maybe his conscience over his reality??? dun dun DUNNNN!!!!!!!
Concerning friendships, I highly value loyalty above all other qualities. You can certainly dissagree with someone and even point out when they are wrong as long as you approach that friend out of love and sincerity. I think defending someone when they are wrong is not really an expression of love, but a lack of sincerity and honesty. I can stand by a friend when they are wrong, but still point out the error in their thinking or actions . . . perhaps drawing attention the results . . . letting them see for themselves.
There's a big difference between backing up someone who's wrong and standing by them when they're wrong. The former is just plain stupid and a possible means to get youself in trouble; the latter is what friendship is all about. The former means you approve of his wrong conduct; the latter means that your friendship remains even though he did something stupid.
Backing up someone when they're wrong can be take to an extreme. Suppose your friend began to molest children. Would you back him up? Not if you're not a scumbag. But you can stand by him in the sense that when he gets caught, you can support him in any way that doesn't suggest that you approve of his molestations.
A true friend is someone who isn't afraid of telling you when you're wrong. A false friend will lie to you, or allow you to lie to yourself, or engage in self-destructive behavior without comment. Just suppose you yourself unwittingly start doing something stupid. Wouldn't you be grateful to your friends if they told you that what you were doing was stupid, you realized what you were doing and you quit?
AlanF
I say no absolutes.
Each individual circumstanse has its own set of variables,,that should help guide us to what is,, not "correct" but,, perhaps "better",, to try to define what is correct is not alway known or perhaps never known. I say observe,, decide,,and observe results,,we all find our way some of us need more friends,,some of us need less,,sometimes we should speak with anger sometime with boldness,,sometime we ignore,,sometimes we can't get our mind off of someone,,,and the list goes on and on......
If we have to speak "truth" with everyword we will have no friends,,if everybody would only speak "truth" life would be "truley" hellish.
The most vibrant experience I now (gawd, finally) have, is to have honest, open, and vigorous debate, and disagreement, with even my closest friends; the closer, the more vigorous--and, golly by golly, they are still friends! None of that exclusionary "you don't fit in, I can't hear you" bullpuckie.
Even as a JW, I was a bit of a misfit, in that respect. My one and only "annual Bethel review" letter made a point of me being too 'independently minded.' LOL The only thing they ever said that really made any sense.
"Give me honesty, or give me death."
Craig
