"Missed you at the Meeting"

by Crooked Lumpy Vessel 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  Odrade

  yeah Walter, I agree. When I was more active than my husband, I'd get the same thing all the time: "Where is your husband, we miss him, tell him hi...." ad nauseum. Eventually I started telling all of them to call him and tell him themselves. You know, in over a year, only one brother ever followed through on it, and it turned out he had a computer question he wanted to get help with.

  CLV: I LOVED this:

  I said, "no you didnt--you never talk to me when I am there so how could you miss me?."

  Good for you and you shouldn't feel guilty, that's exactly the kind of kick in the pants all those "warm and loving" sisters need. They give themselves pats on the back for "encouraging" you when you show at the hall, but all the previous months you were there regularly and struggling, they couldn't even be bothered to look at you if you said Hi to them.

  blah.

  O
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  blondie

  "Why are you asking me? If you were REALLY interested you would phone him." Of course, no one ever did. They had no interest in me or anyone else other than to find something to gossip about.

  I have some real health issues so my husband would go more than I would, Walter, and get the same hassle. I told him to say what you said above. No one called. He would say, "Why don't you call and ask her how she is and encourage her. Your constantly asking me is discouraging to me."

  I can remember one elder's wife with severe health problems had the same problem. The other elder's wives were angry because they had to go and she didn't. What total jackasses they were. When she died a year later one sister goes, "I didn't know she was THAT sick." What dopes!!!

  Blondie
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  cyber-sista

  I am married to a non-witness and was during my whole 20 year JW duration. I have always suffered from migraines and got a lot of the "missed you at the meeting" comments over the years along with inquistions about my health (some well meaning I'm sure, but not all sympathetic either: suggested medical treatments, examples of others in much worst shape who attend all the meetings no matter what).

  The comments that were really aggravating were about my husband. For years I heard things such as: Can't get him to come to the meeting, huh? Well, he is certainly a hard nut to crack. Do you ever ask him about this or that or mention this scripture or that scripture to him? Do you think he is ever going to study? Say hi to your hubby for me tell him we missed him at the meeting! (he never came to the meetings--thank God for that!) They never gave up on these lines of questioning it just went on and on for years and years until I left...
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  Crooked Lumpy Vessel

  Wow....so I wasn't the only one.

  My younger sister got baptized about 2 years ago. She told me that she was going to start being more proactive and make a list of all those she did not see at the meeting and call them to encourage them.

  I advised her against it. I told her that if it was common knowledge that someone was going through a difficult time, dont ask them what they need. Just figure out what they need and give it to them. If someone missed a meeting because they were just plain tired or wanted to go on a picnic, it is none of our business. We dont need to be calling up someone everytime they are not there. There is this thing called LIFE. Unless you have a very close, personal relationship with a sister or brother, you might be inclined to call them.

  Eyedrevil makes and excellent point...

  Especially when you consider that IF they had an honest interest in you as a person, maybe they could frame their interest in you in a different context than "meeting attendance" or "field service."

  I never felt like anyone was interested in me as a person. I was never invited to lunch or to go shopping, picnics, bowling, movies, cards, etc. It was always that we were to make friends in service and the content of our friendship was soley based on service related things. Then we all went our lonely separate ways. Year after year as I lost most of my friends and family to gain my 100 fold I found myself more and more alone.
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  exjdub

  I told her that if it was common knowledge that someone was going through a difficult time, dont ask them what they need. Just figure out what they need and give it to them. If someone missed a meeting because they were just plain tired or wanted to go on a picnic, it is none of our business.

  Crooked Lumpy Vessel,

  You are a wise older sister indeed. What great advice!

  I have another angle on the "I missed you" line. Remember, it generally is said in a condescending tone, designed so they can let you know how they are "spiritually strong" while you are "spiritually weak." I call it spiritual bullying, and it is no different than any other bully. They have to tear you down to make themselves feel better. Just another example of true Christian love at work!

  When my wife and I were young and first married, we tended to miss meetings now and then. One week we missed the MS/Service Meeting, but we did go to the Sunday meeting. When we walked through the door of the Kingdom Hall, the "Queen Bee" Regular Pioneer (who grew up with my wife and knew me for 5 years) rushes up to us, sticks out her hand to shake, introduces herself and says: "I don't recognize you...what is your name??" Ahh the love we felt. We felt so good that we missed many more meetings after that and became irregular. Boy do I wish we had walked away then. We just had to go back for more punishment *sigh*

  exjdub
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  carefully faded

  Great thread. Here's another angle . . . the bluffing "I've missed you" comment.

  When I was drifting, I would miss one or maybe two meetings a week, but would go, on average, at least once per week. There was another sister at the hall who would disappear for months at a time and then re-appear as Sister MegaSpiritual - trying to encourage all the lowly and down-trodden.

  So, every once in a while, she would be the one to give me the "I've missed you" remark. Finally, I realized, that she probably missed me, because she wasn't there either . . . so I called her bluff and, with my most genuine, concerned expression on my face, said, "Oh, that's right, you've been away for a little while now. Are you doing ok?". She was taken aback and didn't quite know how to respond. She said, "oh, yes. . . I'm ok". I responded with, "that's good. I hope to see you next week." and walked away with my head held quite high.

  CF
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  exjdub

  so I called her bluff and, with my most genuine, concerned expression on my face, said, "Oh, that's right, you've been away for a little while now. Are you doing ok?".

  Now that is a masterpiece of the highest degree carefully faded. I used to get so taken aback by the rude comments that I could never think that quick. I would always wish I had said something like that, but just couldn't get it out of my mouth. Of course now is a different story...

  exjdub (who is verbally loaded but has no place to shoot)
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  buffalosrfree

  i had been injured and for quite awhile couldn't do much of anything. I would hear that nonsense about missing you, so to shut them up I would tell them I didnt realize they had been throwing things at me and i'm glad you missed me. They would get this deer in the headlights look about them and mostly never responded back. I really got tired of it and after one meeting this old geeser comes up and says he missed me and that i should be at the meeting even though i didn't feel good, i could not feel good right here at the meeting and not miss them. I responded with I didn't miss you, and no at home i can put my feet up, not wear a tie, have a cup of coffee and if i heard something on the radio or tv that bored me i could turn it off and also that i didn't have to talk with any fake people. He wondered away mumbling to himself and has never spoken to me when he sees me somewhere ever again. Thank God for that.

  My wife gets pi**ed about my tactics but oh well! I personally am tired of seeing these people and am so happy that i have faded, they no longer even mention me to my wife.
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  exjdub

  I responded with I didn't miss you, and no at home i can put my feet up, not wear a tie, have a cup of coffee and if i heard something on the radio or tv that bored me i could turn it off and also that i didn't have to talk with any fake people. He wondered away mumbling to himself and has never spoken to me when he sees me somewhere ever again. Thank God for that.

  Wow! Buffalos are really free aren't they? You really "bulled him over" buffalosrfree! I bet he still has the hoof marks on his forehead...good job.

  exjdub
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  iiz2cool

  this old geeser comes up and says he missed me and that i should be at the meeting even though i didn't feel good,

  This attitude always pissed me off so much. I can't count the number of times I got sick and missed time from work because some of these people would come to the meetings when they were sick and infect everyone else. It was worse for my mom, who was on chemotherapy. She had a book study in her house. The BS conductor and his family were always sick and they never went to a REAL doctor for antibiotics. They only took herbal remedies. Of course they always went to the meetings when they were sick, and they were the type of people who couldn't keep their hands off other people when talking, shaking hands after they had just coughed into their own. Or they'd pat you on the back. I wonder how many pounds of phlegm were embedded in my suits every year.

  Walter