by pratt1 23 Replies latest jw friends
Now that I am no longer a JW, I can associate, and celebrate holidays and other family traditions with my non-JW relatives. However I am sometimes bitter because I missed so many experiences as a child with my relatives that they seem almost like strangers rather than relatives.
Does anyone else feel this way, and how have you bridged the gap?
i know exactly how you feel...
sadly no one of us can get the time back that we have lost by being jws, therefore it is best to try to focus on the presence and how you can build new relationships with your relatives.
you should not let your grieving keep you from getting closer to your relatives, thus letting this twisted cult betray you of your chance to be close with your family once again.
It bothers me that I missed out on so many family gatherings like Christmas.. when we were very young, my mother let us attend any way, so I remember that Christmas was the one time everyone in my dad's family got together. My mom would sit there justifying it was ok to be there if everyone knew we didnt' celebrate but my dad knew she hated being there so one year he made us make a choice, did we believe in Christmas or not. I was 12 and answered for all three of us kids. No we didn't. so he said we would never again attend..
I never forgot how enjoyable it was to see all the cousins..
my bother stopped attending JW stuff the minute he was out of highschool and out of the house, so he started attending again back in 1980.. my sister was dfd at 14 and so she pretty much started attending them around then too with my dad..
Grandma dyed about 10 yrs ago and the whole family stopped getting together when she did. it was like they all held it together because it meant so much to her but now only meet with immediate families..
I'll try to fly home this Dec to share with my dad and my sister and brother, but I missed out on all those years which will never be repeated or even come very close..
It bothers me a great deal to have missed out
Wish I had some, then I could tell ya. Stupid 4th generation dub family.
We were lucky (can I say lucky, or is that a bad word?) All our relatives are non-dubs so, like we were in a time warp, we just went back to the old ways, nothing said, just 18 years later. We were always fairly liberal so the kids adapted quickly and we are happy happy happy.
My three brothers and myself (who aren't witnesses) didn't celebrate Christmas either after our parents became witnesses in the early 70's. At least my oldest brother and I have some fond memories of Christmas, mostly with relatives when we still lived in the Netherlands. My two younger brothers weren't so lucky. It was discontinued when my youngest brother was about 5. All the decorations were thrown out. We can't change the past. But I feel that one can learn from it, to really cherish what one does have, and to be sure that one's own children have wonderful memories growing up whatever that may be. I don't have too many fond memories growing up but have so many wonderful ones of when my own kids were growing up.
Almost forgot: I was talking to my brother last night. He's just now starting to learn about this org. He sometimes comes here and is blown away about what he reads. When I mentioned "wordly people". he thought it a compliment, which it actually is. But I had to tell him that to the witnesses it means evil, belonging to satan's world not to God's world.
I have cousins that are my age that I barely know thanks to the JW's. They all grew up in Seattle, and were the only part of the family that weren't witnesses. My aunt (their mother) passed away 4 years ago and I had reconnected by then, and had seen her many times at my home, and really got to know what a special person she was, and I have gotten together with my cousins when they are in town. She was always my father's favorite sister, and he never cut her off, and often drove her to Oregon for Thanksgiving with her kids. He didn't care what anyone said either. She was so funny and always had us in stitches with her sharp wit.
Now, when one of my girl cousins comes to town, we talk on the phone for hours, and when there has been a family situation (like an emergency, or illness) they all rally around me. When my father had his stroke a year ago, I was on the phone with one cousin. She practically beat me to the hospital and her sister wasn't far behind. One of their brothers came after work and stayed with me until the doctor told us it was okay to leave.
They all understand what happened with the religion, and hold no grudges. We all wish we could get back those years we missed, but we can't, so we just go forward.
I'm sad, but I'm not really bitter about the lost time. When I reconnected with my worldly relatives, they welcomed me with open arms...no grudges held. In fact, they are usually pretty amused with my gung-ho attitude around the holidays. Which in turn, renews their holiday spirit too! They realize I have many lost years to catch up on!
My worldly Dad was very happy when I told him about my exiting the Org. We are now trying to patch together our relationship that was seriously strained by my JW involvement--I have confessed that I was wrong in my thinking and he has forgiven me. It is getting better that and I am starting to ease back in with old friends and families, holidays and events.
Just be you.
cybs
I am finally getting back to the relationship I used to have with my mom, and we are still trying to improve that.
