The fall out of shunning (page 2)

wednesday

your sister has been terribly hurt and i'm glad someone finally realized it. Your mom is causing a rift in the family. I'm glad someone is finally standing up for your poor sister. JWS do not rule the world and she sould not be allowed to exclude your sister and if she does, i for one would not have anything to do with the event. If she can do this to your sister, she can do it to u. who is next?

itsallgoodnow

I like runningman's idea.

It's no fun to be stuck in the middle of something like this, both sides should know what this is doing to you. Sure, your sister is upset and your mother is also upset (although more self righteous), but now they have dragged you into it and they have upset you. Even though your sister hasn't done this intentionally, she should probably know what's going on. You don't have to allow these two to use you as a weapon. I know too well what that's like.

The JWs specialize in creating unnecessarily uncomfortable situations, and what they deserve most is everyone being upfront about everything. If you stay quiet, you are just playing easily into their hands. Believe me, if you think you can stand it now, it only gets worse, and continually grows harder for you to say no.

Now if I could just take my own advice...

unbeliever

If she can do this to your sister, she can do it to u. who is next?

I assume my brother and I which is fine. We don't have much of a relationship anyway. I was not joking when I posted we have only gotten together a few times in the last several years.

Fleur

. It's the 'Invasion of the body snatchers'. The watchtower has 'cocooned' my 'alienated' family in the cult mind-control, psychopath ,"pods".

you said it danny...it's invasion of the body snatchers meets the Stepford Wives!!!!!

hugs,

fleur

unbeliever

Even though your sister hasn't done this intentionally, she should probably know what's going on. You don't have to allow these two to use you as a weapon.

My sister would have no problem showing up at a family event if my mom was there. It's solely my moms issue. The thing is these very rare family functions usually take place at moms house and of course she is not invited there. It sucks.

Country Girl

You are a good, strong brother. I have three brothers left, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. One died, but I know that if he hadn't, he'd be right by my side. You see, my Mother was always out preaching and she left me to raise these young boys. NOW, they are the lights of my life. Never would they CONSIDER leaving me out of anything. They are like my children. I love my brothers, and love them being strong and protective, just as I am sure your sister does you. Please protect your sister and know that she loves you very much for taking the stand that you do for her.

CG

nb-dfed

I know this must be very difficult for you. I am df'ed and shunned by my parents and brother. My little sister (who still lives at home) and I have a "secret" relationship. Any communication we have is sneaky. This whole shunning thing is ridiculously painful. I know you are in a difficult position, but I feel that to choosing your sister is the right choice. Your mother has a choice to associate with all of her children or not. Hopefully she will make the right one... Hang in there.

Steve Lowry

If I were in your shoes, I would invite both sister and mother for dinner, and see who shows up. I would refuse to attend any dinner that did not invite all members of the family equally. What happens then, is that the shunner becomes the shunnee - left out of events by their own will.

This is good advice here for you, unbeliever. It?s all about disarming and modifying negative behavior. By following this example, you disarm your mother's arrogance and give her the option to modify her own negative behavior by electing (or not) to come to YOUR house for the family get-together. Also, I think you must stay consistent with your approach. There should no family activities that you should be involved with (cruise, etc.) where the daughter who is being shunned is excluded. Of course your mom is most prolly gonna feel like she is just being persecuted for her faith, and in a strange way will prolly feel some "spiritual" satisfaction which may only feed her resolve, but what can you do? If someone is hell bent on doing something wrong, wild horses can?t keep him or her from their fate.

Good Luck,

Steve

A Paduan

Tell your mother plain out that it only goes against her and her 'friends' understanding of the bible - but that you plainly believe it to be a strong unkindness - and in saying that, your yes is yes and your no is no.

blondie

My brothers and I are not baptised

unbeliever, this was the key phrase to me. You are not bound by the WTS rules of DFing. My first impression is that your mother is using you as a tool in this, perhaps as some said to control. It is your mother's choice to exclude your sister not yours. I can see where you might have dinner with your mother on a separate occasion, without it being a large family gathering. Then she can have time to visit with you without it hurting your sister.

Some of my family have been excluding me for years even when I was an active JW used in parts, regular pioneering, etc. It's a control thing.

Just show love to your sister. It should be possible to get together with her without your mother being there. (It would probably spoil the mood). Weddings, graduations, funerals are a little more difficult to negotiate but your mother is the baptized JW, she has signed on to snub her family not you.

Blondie (shunned one although not DF'd or DA'd)

The fall out of shunning

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