You are here to ask question's, but in you heart you must know what you are facing. I am married to a jw and if you intend to stay with her you are headed for heartache. She loves and cares for only one ,it is the watchtower,she will walk right through you to get to it. It is her salvation ,her life and it is what will keep her from dieing,( these are watchtower teachings ).
Go to past posts here and ( freeminds.com ) see the hurt and death this cult has caused.
situation,Hello everyone
by vampmonk 27 Replies latest social relationships
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kls
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4JWY
I was that girl once (or more). The guys finally realized the differences were just too dramatic to build their life around and moved on. They were very wise to do so and 25 & 30 years later, we now talk about it together and I assure them they made the right decision.
All the best to you,
4 JWY
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run dont walk
RUN!
ditto
Run very fast, very fast,
be afraid, very afraid
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zugzwang
Religion comes first, human relations second, and if you're not a JW, the importance of you drops even more.- nosferatu
That pretty much sums it up. Now you're only 16 so I'm assuming she's only 16ish so it may well be that she isn't fully indoctrinated into the cult yet. You've got about a 50-50 shot. So youths really take to the religion others don't. If she's even talking to you that means she's not 100% all the way into the religion, because if she were she would not give you the time of day. (Frankly, she wouldn't even give other JW boys the time of day) So my advice to you would be to first of all, remember that you are 16. That may not mean anything to you now, but take it from all of us old people, at 16 you're still a baby. So don't take it all too seriously. And whatever you do, don't get involved in a religion just to "get the girl." If the girl is a practicing JW you won't get her anyway until you marry her, and by that time if you aren't a fully committed JW she will make your life hell. You're better off finding another nice atheist. Birds of a feather stick together.
zugz
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vampmonk
wow... i never thought it was this bad? can it really be as bad as you all say? and thank u everyone helping me out, greatly appreciated.
First off i'd like to quote a gentleman that i believe had most of the answers "The course of true love never did run smooth" and such too often is the case is it not? I'd also like to state that under no circumstances will i be abiding to any such religion EVEN if it is to "get the girl". thats not me.
now i know everyone has told me to keep my distance, but she is really special to me, aside from what anyone else thinks, she really is. she is not really as bad as you all might think. i know she does attend her meetings and what not, but her parents dont restrain her as i understand a lot of parents do... she has dated outside of the faith b4, but she says they did not last very long (obviously). but I'd really like to be in a relationship with her... i can accept her and whatever beliefs she has, really i can (although i must point out that the thought of being second to "God" does somewaht annoy me) but religion aside, she is a really fantastic person, and i really enjoy her company, ive met her parents on many occasions and have even been invited to dinner with them several times. i think that her family has taken quite a liking to me, esp her mother. Maybe this can work out? faith or no faith? and the whole marriage story... good grief thats hardly giong to put me off, even at the age of 16 (baby me *nosferatu*) i am not like most other teenagers who try and fit in as many relationships in their youths as possible... in FACT, i have never had a GF b4, and i can honestly say, that this is the first girl i've really ever felt this way for......
thanks again to all who replied
sincerely VampMonk
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prgirl79
wow... i never thought it was this bad? can it really be as bad as you all say? YES!!!!!
now i know everyone has told me to keep my distance, but she is really special to me, aside from what anyone else thinks, she really is. she is not really as bad as you all might think-- I
don't think any of us thinks she is bad. My ex was special to me I was with him for 5 years i loved him. You say now no matter what you won't abide to their religion. Well be ready for a battle. I/we are not saying they are bad people. My ex's family were nice to me they had me over for dinners etc, but no matter what the watchtower is the most important thing. YOU ARE NOT! You can accept her but they dont accept anyone else. They don't associate with others they shun you if you disobey any of their rules. You sounded like me it should be able to work out faith or no faith. He is a good person. Well it gets to be draining it takes a lot of energy and you will be heartbroken. It is very hard see People in other religions have religiously mixed relationships and manage just fine. The problem with the Watchtower org. is that mixing with worldly people (especially apostates) is discouraged so strongly that those who do are considered spiritually weak
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joannadandy
First off i'd like to quote a gentleman that i believe had most of the answers "The course of true love never did run smooth"
I too have a quote: "Love is a grave mental disease." - Plato
Perhaps a bit cynical, but love makes people do crazy things. And you--despite the overwhelming advice given here, are about to embark on a crazy journey that will bring nothing but heartache. I promise you that!
I'd also like to state that under no circumstances will i be abiding to any such religion EVEN if it is to "get the girl". thats not me.
Ok, if for no other reason, because of this one statement, I am telling you to call it off! Say everything "works out". You two end up together. They are going to harass her morning noon and night that her husband is not a "true believer". Do you know what kind of anguish that is going to cause her on your behalf? It ain't pretty.
Let's try another scenario. Say she leaves her faith. To be with you. (She probably will have to, because while her parents are allowing her to date now, they won't allow her to marry an unbeliever...especially an athiest.) Her family is going to shun her. That means no more contact with her friends, family, anyone she has ever known will NEVER speak to her again. You really want her to go through that hell, just for you? That's not fair at all.
And when I say, "NEVER speak to her again". I am not saying this to be dramatic. This is Witness policy. You can read plenty of stories here of people who have children, grandparents, parents, best friends, who totally turned their backs on them because they disapprove of the decisions they made as reasoning adults.
now i know everyone has told me to keep my distance, but she is really special to me, aside from what anyone else thinks, she really is. she is not really as bad as you all might think.
First of all, no one thinks she is bad. I think the point most of us are trying to make is you're 16. At 16, your first love is always "The greatest love I have ever known, I have never felt this way before". Of course you haven't--you're 16. You probably haven't experienced a lot of intense emotions yet. But you will. Why rush in to anything?
i am not like most other teenagers who try and fit in as many relationships in their youths as possible... in FACT, i have never had a GF b4, and i can honestly say, that this is the first girl i've really ever felt this way for......
I'm sure you're not one of those teenagers. And that's awesome you want something serious. But, again--you said you've never had a girlfriend before. Dating is tricky business. Way tougher than riding a bike. It will take a lot longer to get it right. And sometimes only after a little bit of experience at dating do we realize how inexperienced we are at the whole love thing.
I'm only doling out this advice because I have been there. I have been in the shoes of your girlfriend. Deep down thinking, "I can change him--it will all work out." It wasn't until I got older that I realized what a horrible attitude that was. My parents knew about my first boyfriend. And as soon as we got even slightly serious, it was pure hell. "Why not invite Mike to the meetings? If he loved you, he'd take a home bible study. He's a worldly man, all he wants is one thing. If you marry him, you'll have to live with the consequences of an unbelieving mate."
It was hell for the both of us.
You've gotten a lot of advice here. I know it all seems slanted to the negative, but in this case...it is honest and fair-handed advice. No one likes to see people hurt. And if that means a little sting now of, "But I really like her." as opposed to the gut tearing life upheaveal that will take place if you continue a relationship, I think you'll see people here only have your best interest at heart.
I'll leave with one last quote: "I'm not young enough to know everything" - Oscar Wilde
I know it is so tempting to say, "But we're different, she is different, I am different, the situation is different." (I know it's tempting because I used to say it). Only the details are slightly different. Trust us. You are not the first person posting a story like this here. And you won't be the last. But I implore you to really think about all the advice you were given, and not some hallmark quote about the struggle of love. Because this is not a struggle you are walking into...this is an all out battle with you against a lunatic army, and your one ally (this girl you are interested in) might turn on you tomorrow.
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Cicatrix
Vampmonk-Welcome to the board. I'm glad to see that you are taking time to research this.
As someone who was married by the time I was your age, I ask you to please be very, very careful regarding nurturing your relationship with this young lady even further. I am not going to tell you that you are too young to fall in love (that would be pretty hypocritical of me, lol). I AM going to tell you that people change as they grow older, and sometimes these changes can be so significant, the relationship ultimately comes to an end.Also, a relationship always requires some sort of compromise by one or the other of you, if it is to last, and compromise can result in sacrifices-many of which you may look back on with sincere regret when you are older and time is no longer on your side.
Add to that, the fact that your friend is involved in a very high control religious group that legislates nearly every activity of its adherents, including family relationships (this is not in any way meant to be a criticism of her-I was a Jehovah's Witness for nearly twenty years myself).
Please, do more research on Jehovah's Witnesses, and on the characteristics of high control religious groups. Please read the experiences of those of us who have been intimately involved with this organisation. Research the history of this organisation. Look up its policy for divulging information ("theocratic warfare") to nonmembers (known as "worldly people" in their vernacular).Read up on what happens to Jehovah's Witnesses who question the policies of their leaders, or who simply wish to study the Bible on their own, without the organisation's various books and periodicals to guide them. Find out what the organisation's views on independent thinking are. Learn all you can about shunning.
Read 1984,Animal Farm, and The Scarlet Letter. Learn what double speak and black and white thinking are. Watch the movies "Pleasantville," "The Matrix," and "Truman Show".
You could also ask your friend to show you from the Watchtower publications what the society thinks about Witnesses marrying unbelievers, and associating with unbelievers who have no interest in becoming Jehovah's Witnesses. Ask her to show you what they say will happen to unbelievers at Armageddon.Ask her what she will do if a problem arises in your relationship-how will she arrive at a decision on what needs to be done?
If you decide to deepen your relationship with your friend, the knowledge gained by taking the time to to this will be invaluable to you.
Regards,
Cicatrix
(which means a scar which has formed at the site of a healing wound) -
Nosferatu
now i know everyone has told me to keep my distance, but she is really special to me,
Does she think you're really special, or does she think Jehovah is really special?
but I'd really like to be in a relationship with her
I'm going to tell you the biggest mistake most men make about women: You cannot meet a woman, and immediately start a long term relationship. You won't get anywhere if you keep that in your mind. The whole purpose of dating is to find a woman to have some fun with, and see where it goes. You may have lots of short-term relationships before you find one woman who is ideal to spend an excessive amount of time with. Some women will flake out, some will turn you off, some will use you for your money. That's why it's a good idea to shop around. Now you're going to tell me "she's not like that". I don't buy it.
and the whole marriage story... good grief thats hardly giong to put me off, even at the age of 16
You have yet to experience the joys of living with a woman. I lived with one who I thought was a goddess. She was a pig. I've never seen anyone be so disgusting with their living quarters. Then, you got the mood swings, the whole financial deal, jealousy, religion, and it keeps on going. I doubt that at age 16 you're ready for all that. Even if you plan to wait a bit, the relationship will slowly crumble.
i am not like most other teenagers who try and fit in as many relationships in their youths as possible
I ENCOURAGE YOU to date like crazy! Act like a horny wild pig, dating 2 or 3 women at a time (4 is a little much). In my opinion, dating experience is EXTREMELY important if you want to end up with a good wife. You'll learn what you do and don't like in a woman, what you like in bed, and what you hate, and how your personality will clash or compliment hers. There's a lot to learn in the dating world.
i can honestly say, that this is the first girl i've really ever felt this way for......
Okay, you know what? I know you're not gonna listen to me, so GO FOR IT! Jump right in there and don't forget to bring her some flowers, a teddy bear, and maybe some hershey's kisses. Write her love poetry, cook her candlelit dinners, take her out to fancy resteraunts, buy her a nice ring, and do what YOU think will make her melt.
See ya in a few days.
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Obviously Secret
Yo vamp. Hey it's hard. I'm one of those JWs everybody talkin so bad about. It sure has alot of ups and downs. Mostly downs. If you love this girl talk to her about it. Will do wonders. Everybody got a little dark-sided JW apostate in em. Just gotta know how to bring it out.
Everybody told me the same thing about the girl I like that's in the organization. They all told me to leave cause she loves Jehover more than me, that maybe for some girls but You never know if it's for the girl you like so just try to talk and such. If you decide to stick it out with her your gonna go through some stuff that's all I gotta say lol.
Teenage love is a crappy thing. Everybody told me it was infactuation also and it wasn't real. Ya right... it's real enough for me. And I bet it is for you too. Talk to her that's all I gotta say.