Different Roads

simplesally

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)

How do we react when people don't listen to our advice?

How about when they don't listen and they keep making the same mistake over and over and they keep complaining?

I know, for me, I have been guilty of making the same mistake over and over. Or complaining about the situation over and over and then thinking the other person needs to change .............. instead of me getting out of the situation.

I also know that I give advice to others who are doing the same thing over and over.........

What to do?????? If you were my friend and didn't want to listen anymore cuz I was being stupid, what would you do???

But, I like that statement thata HJ Brown said. I am going to try more and more to realize that others happiness is at a different level or based on different values than mine.

Gretchen956

Steven Covey talks about the circle of influence and the circle of control. Picture a small circle with the word "control" in it, surrounded by a huge circle containing the word "influence". The small circle represents all of the things you actually have control over. You should worry about those things you actually have some control over you and not be controlled by those things that you can only influence. Wise man in that regard, although I don't agree with everything he espouses.

So, giving advise doesn't mean anyone has to take it, if you try to control others even in the best of intentions, its really pretty codependent.

Better to let them make their own mistakes and find their own peace. Just be there to support them whatever their decisions.

Gretchen ---who learned this all the hard way

notperfectyet

I had to think about this post for a while Sally. Knowing you, and knowing what a strong person you are, I know it is difficult when people ask for advice, and then do the opposite.

I have that in my work, and my kids..I have really tried to let go and the " Live and let live " analogy stance. But it is still cool when I get to say ' I told you so ' he he..

Dan-O

I would ask you one question: "Do you know the definition of insanity?"

And then I would define insanity for you as "doing the same thing again and again but expecting different results".

simplesally

So, as a friend, what would you say to them when they keep on and keep on doing that same thing................and they keep on complaining?

Satanus

I sometimes make suggestions. But, people seem to need to make the mistakes. I know that i do. I never say 'i told you so'. I imagine the letting go is much harder to w your own kids.

SS

notperfectyet

Sally,

I would tell them, I gave you my advice, now let's not talk about it again. And then the next time they bring it up, I would tell them I I gave you my advice, now lets not talk about it again,And then the....well you get my drift. It just depends on how much you value the friendship, and what you can take.

Anyone I know? I can kick their butt for you if you want...;)

Dan-O

Depends on how long this sort of thing drags out, Sally. I have told some friends in the past that I was tired of listening to their complaints about the same old stuff ... that if they weren't willing to take steps to change their situation, I would no longer be willing to listen to whining about that particular issue or set of issues. I'm all for being a good listener & supporting my friends, but I have my limits.

SixofNine

So, as a friend, what would you say to them when they keep on and keep on doing that same thing................and they keep on complaining?

S.T.F.U. ? Honestly, it's a dilema. But have you tried saying just that (not stfu, but what you're saying above)? At least after you've talked about it openly, then you can, in all good humour, say, "dear, remember what we talked about? yes? Good. Now stfu." Beyond that though, and this may be cold-blooded of me, but I just don't have time or energy to revisit another person's problems that they have refused to honestly assess.

Markfromcali

Sometimes people just want someone to listen to them, even if they ask you what you think they may not really mean that. I sometimes go against better judgement and make a comment anyways just to put the info out there, and usually it doesn't go anywhere. So I would say to look at whether they really want the advice in the first place, and even if they want your thoughts at a certain point you might just flat out ask them do you really want this to change? That would be a different focus than just an idea. You could just as easily lay out all the possible options, it doesn't have to be limited to what you think is best. If I don't have anything else to say, I just say so.

Different Roads

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