Different Roads

by simplesally 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  imallgrowedup

  Sally,

  That is a hard situation to be in, especially when you really love the person who is not taking your advice. I think it comes down to this: Did the person ASK your advice to begin with, or did you simply offer it? If they asked, and told you they would do exactly what you suggested, did the two of you agree on a timeframe? Sometimes we get frustrated with people because we think they should take our advice immediately, and often times, they are simply not ready to do so. Often times, people (especially women) come to their friends for support only - not to have their problem solved. Many times, they just want someone to validate them and/or their feelings. They really do not want to make any changes - or - they are simply not ready to, so when we offer advice, it is naturally going to be ignored. At first, it isn't too hard to be the supportive friend, but I agree with you that it does get frustrating after a while when you keep hearing the same thing over and over again. Perhaps you might want to ask your friend the next time she starts in if she is "just venting" or if she is asking your advice. If she is "just venting", and you just can't bring yourself to listen to another session of the same-old-same-old, perhaps you can find a way to let her know that you love her and want her to be happy, and that you want to help her make whatever changes she needs in order to be happy. Then lovingly tell her that you do not feel like you are contributing to her feeling any better by simply "listening" - because so far, it hasn't done her any good, and that it is frustrating for you as well. Let her know that you want to be a part of the solution, and offer to be there when she is ready to make positive changes, but that right now, you just can't stand being a part of the problem by encouraging her in the status quo. And then, politely change the subject. Hopefully, she will get the message that you do love her and you are her friend, but that your own "supports" are beginning to sag under the burdens of her "always the same" problem.

  growedup
• 

  simplesally

  Growed up..........

  Actually, the real situation is a man who keeps telling me that he wants a promotion at work. He gets upset he gets passed over and I have told him over and over what to do but I won't do it for him. I have told him what he needs to do but he just doesn't do it and then complains......

  But I thought it was also a good topic for discussion whether it was a man or a woman.
• 

  imallgrowedup

  Sally,

  I can understand why you get frustrated! It is difficult to hear the same complaint but not see anything change! Perhaps you can try the same tactic - just tell him that you don't feel like you are being a part of the solution and it is frustrating for you, but you will be his his number one cheerleader when he has made steps towards actually making changes that will bring about the results he desires! Then change the subject....!

  Just a thought.... good luck to you!

  :-)

  growedup
• 

  avishai

  So, as a friend, what would you say to them when they keep on and keep on doing that same thing................and they keep on complaining?

  i usually tell them that I'm sick of hearing it. Do something or stop whining.