So I'm new to this forum but I just thought that someone out there might be able to relate to the situation I'm in---Here it goes...! I'm stuck in the middle of my spouse who is no longer a witness and his family who are very involved in the religion I myself was raised Jewish and don't really have any commitments to any religion but don't see anything wrong with those that do however my husband is very anti anti-any type of organized religion.... at times I think he's against me because I had a normal upbringing with a big loving family and a normal childhood during which I could play sports and mingle with all types of friends regardless of their background... but my husband has a lot of anger about his childhood that he missed out on and the sports he didn't get to play and "excel" at so now he has no appreciation for things that I find important holidays or pushing yourself beyond your own physical limits just to see how far you can... Life can be really difficult at times and I feel like we were raised on two different planets!!!!!!!!!! Eventhough my husband is no longer in the religion sometimes I feel like it is a 3rd partner in our marriage that I have to constantly compete with and work hard to overshadow.... I'm trying so hard not to let this break me but at times I'm at my wits end... can you relate???? or do you have any suggestions???
stuck between a rock and a hard place!
by Luscious Vixen 14 Replies latest social family
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avishai
I can relate, I am in your husbands shoes. And I know it's wrong. But holidays etc. are alien when you've been told they are wrong your whole life. As for his resentments about the past, he should get counseling.
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happehanna
Hi
Welcome to the board!
It must be very frustrating for you being in that almost no win situation.
I suggest if you can, is for him to look at this board too, and for him to gain the support he needs to get to come to terms with his childhood etc.
I think you are right that he probably is jealous of your upbringing.
Others here on this forum will be able to give you support and guidance, there are some really sound people here
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avishai
bttt
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Emma
As for his resentments about the past, he should get counseling.
He probably has resentment and guilt all rolled up in one lumpy, uncomfortable ball. That org gets in your mind, your being. A good therapist can help unravel things. You should have a good support system, too.
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PurpleV
He is stuck in a place many exiting JWs are or were.... they don't want to practice it anymore but they still deep down (because of mind control) believe it is The Truth and that they will die because they've left God's Only True Organization( TM ). I should know, it happened to me.
He needs to find out the "truth about the truth." Order "Crisis of Conscience" by ex-Governing Body Ray Franz. You can get it on Amazon or directly from Commentary Press. It's an irrefutable expose about the organization. There aren't many JWs that can read it and still believe. The trick is getting them to read it because they're
brainwashedtaught that reading anything against the organization is high treason and apostate. Only when they realize deep down that it's all lies can they truly be free.Good luck.
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undercover
Welcome LV, (like the name)
How long has your husband been out of JWs? There are different levels of recovery from that particular belief system. He may still be in the anger mode and unfortunately you are the receipient of some of that. The anger mode lasts longer for some than others and sometimes it never really goes away. I'm not an expert or anything, but I somehow seemed to be able to relate to how you described him. I went through an anger phase and it still pops up from time to time. Mine has passed for the most part and I have learned to appreciate things that I missed out on before. It's not other peoples fault (that weren't connected to the religion) that I missed out, why should I blame them? I have learned to get out and enjoy what life has left to offer. To sulk or pout about what you can't change does not help. If the anger lasts too long or is harming your marriage it may be time for professional help.
Just my .02
Good luck and again welcome.
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No Apologies
Happehanna is right, your husband should be here on the board, he would find out he's not alone. There's a lot of us in the same boat.
No Apologies
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Sassy
Luscious Vixen, we feel for you.. The scars many of us have from being JWs are deep. We all have reacted in different ways to overcome our dysfuntional background. I agree, that it would be beneficial for your husband to join here as well as get into therapy. It took years for the damage to be done to us, and it isn't an overnight fix, but fortunately learning about the falseness of that religion and being able to talk to others who understand, can truly help begin some healing.
Welcome to the board!
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Billygoat
Great moniker LV!
Maybe you could find a common ground with your husband with your Jewish beliefs. Jesus was Jewish. Share your background and childhood with him in the context of sharing Jesus' history. Even if you don't believe in Jesus, he does - it may be the start to building a bridge between the two faiths.
Just a thought...
Andi