by Luscious Vixen 14 Replies latest social family
Welcome LV
Please encourage your husband to join this board because one of the steps of dealing with leaving the JW's is identifying with others that have learned how to cope with the same experience. Counseling is a great idea...because we are learning to "heal"...and hopefully move on with a positive life.
Shower him with love and do things together that are fun....he really needs to know what "unconditional love" is....
Codeblue
I was born and raised in the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses, but left 14 years ago.
I remarried 8 years ago to a non-JW, Mary. All these years, although gone from the org, I was very firm about not celebrating holidays, and my wife never objected. And I did not object to her celebrating the holidays either. Over time, and only after I educated myself about my own upbringing and the religion did I begin to feel comfortable with it. I am now celebrating birthdays, but I am not sure how I will do around Christmas time. The brainwashing effect of the organization goes very deep and can't be overcome over night. Please be patient with him and don't let the holidays be a thing.
Your husband is now out of the org, but the org and all it brings with it still remains in him. It is a hard road to hoe and it takes time to undo a lifetime of living in a religious cult. He is going through the anger stage and he will find lots more to feel angry about as he goes along on his journey towards recovery and what I call "rebirth".
What he really needs to feel angry about is the lies that have been told to him his entire life. He needs to do some reading and do something to free his mind. A good book to start with is Crisis Of Conscience by Raymond Franz. Franz is formerly a member of the governing body of Jehovah's Witnesses and does a fine job of gently exposing the history, lies and hypocrisy of the religion. If he reads this book, he may find some legitimate reasons to feel angry and start to heal. You can find good used copies of the book on E-bay. Get the book, read it yourself so that you can understand more about the dynamics of this destructive cult and begin to assist the man in getting healthier. Give it a try.
Best Regards,
Corvin
ThanK you Everyone for making me feel so Loved and welcome.... I finally feel like I'm not alone and others can relate to my situation... it really sucks because although I never went through what most of you did.... i feel I have a good understanding of this crazy JW world! To Corvin about the Crisis of Conscience book I think my husband has read it already... thanks though
Hi Luscious!
I just came to this board the other day myself and your situation sounds a lot like mine. My husband's an ex witness who came complete with all the baggage from his JW family--who are highly active and ELDERS in the religion, and yeah, sounds like your husband has the same anger as mine--as well as the lack of appreciation for holidays, sports competitions, NORMAL dating, etc...
You know, sports competition is actually important as it TRAINS you on how to function, work as a team, and compete--not just in sports, but in business! My husband wasn't encouraged to go on to college either--what??? Doesn't the governing counsel of the JWs realize that by not encouraging and enabling their members to acquire the skills necessary to excel in business, that 10% they are required to "tithe" will probably never amount to much? How much DUMBER could these money grubbing #$#$#$s get?
OK...back on the subject... I read all the others advice, and I've got to tell you. I'm sure they all mean well, but...none of it would do my husband any good, and probably not yours either. Here's why...
1. Seek counseling? Ummm...you're here, not him, and if he's anything like MY husband, he doesn't think HE'S the one with the problem. Counseling only works on people who accept the fact that they have a problem, and are OPEN to counseling. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and money.
2. Hey! That book sounds great and I just ordered it! But my husband would consider it "propaganda" and you couldn't PAY him to read it! Might help ME though--so THANKS!
3. Build a "bridge" between the two faiths? Oh PLEASE!!! It's not even POSSIBLE to "build a bridge" between the JW and Protestant religions! And you want to try it with the Jewish relgion???? No #$#$#$#ing way!!!
4. Encourage him to come to these boards? My husband is PISSED that I'M here! Hey Luscious? Don't hold your breath!
Live long enough Luscious and the one thing you will learn is that in life, the only person you can control is YOURSELF! My husband and I? We've simply agreed to disagree--or in otherwords, we both understand that neither one of us is ever going to be able to convince the other of certain things, and we've learned to accept, and live with our differences. Concentrate on YOURSELF, and making YOU happy. Happiness can be infectious, and he might just "catch" it from you and make up his mind to follow along!
Oh, and...
He is stuck in a place many exiting JWs are or were.... they don't want to practice it anymore but they still deep down (because of mind control) believe it is The Truth and that they will die because they've left God's Only True Organization( TM ).When it comes to my husband, you are SOOOO right, and I'm working on it.....
aloha and welcome LV,
If you can get your husband to take a look at this site that may help him a lot. Many here have gone through much of what he has I am sure. Even those have been out for a long time don't seem to be able to completely purge that lifestyle until they can really open up and talk about it. This place is a good place to purge and a good support. I think professional counceling has also been very helpful to many--a good therapist who is into treating those who have exited cults.
The best to you,
Love cybs
