People feel alone, I know that but cheaters are just despicable. I mean I hate when they try to justify it by saying stuff like "I can love more than one person" and different things like that. I think the reason im so afraid of it because I get totally depressed if I lose something cause ive been losing stuff for forever. oh well... just so terrible.
Cheaters! -_-
by Obviously Secret 29 Replies latest jw friends
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tarzan
Most people act before they consider the consequences of their actions. As a happerly married man, I can't help noticing other women, the way the young girls dress its impossible not to notice them, and it hard to control your thoughts, but when I think if I was caught, not so much how I would feel but how much it will hurt her, then makes me stop going any futher. So I suppose if some does have real love then it must make them stop.
Also if someone expects loyalty he must also give it.
My bit for the day.
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got my forty homey?
I will admit in my 12 years of marraige I have cheated on my wife, nothing steady, but like one night stands and sometimes meeting the person again. To me it was fun and exciting going to a hotel or parking my car in a deserted area and getting it on, however in the past few years I have lost a lot of interest in this and have been faithful to my wife who I love very much and who I know would be very devasted if she found out.
I also have very close female friends who I never have had sex with but I know my wife would not approve of this either. I even have some close female friends on the job who I never would have sex with because thats a no-no in my book.
But you never know, men think with the little head instead of the big one......................
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Ciara
Cheating and hitting are the two things that I will absolutely not tolerate. I told my hubby before we were married that I don't believe in divorces, but I do believe in justifiable homicide when it comes to those two. I have two pistols and very good aim.
Ciara
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Obviously Secret
I really could never cheat if I had a wife. even if i did it I doubt i'll last long with myself.
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Doubtfully Yours
Cheaters are plain despicable!
There's no excuse whatsoever for such behavior. If a person is having an irreconcilable problem with a mate, then by all means, first leave that person and go on to heal your heart and then find another relationship.
And remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't ever trust a cheater!
DY
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Ailla
I have to wonder what kind of person discusses something like that with a teenager. No offense, but it is inappropriate topic to discuss one?s extramarital affairs with a 16 year old. As you can see it only upset you and I wonder what was the person leading the conversation toward? Sex?
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FlyingHighNow
I've learned in life that: Never say never is a very wise old cliche. You never really know how are you going to feel or react in every situation until you go through every situation. It's easy to judge or have knee jerk reactions to cheating. I would not try to justify cheating. I am just saying that it's not always so cut and dry or black and white.
I've had to eat my words many times over the years and figure out that never doesn't always mean never.
There is some wisdom in the scripture, "Let he who thinks he is standing, pray he doesn't fall.
Flyin'
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imallgrowedup
I despise cheating as well, when in a relationship that has always been loving, and has a good outlook for continued success. However, I will say that I know that there are people out there who are in a marriage that was never happy to begin with, and know that the time will come when the marriage will end. In fact, the only reason the two stay together is strictly out of convenience - there is no real love there, and each party has their own reason for sticking around. In one instance I know of, the man has been married three times, and the only reason he wants his current wife to stay is because he can not stand the thought of being "the loser" again. It is not because he loves her and it is not because he has made any concerted effort to make her feel loved. It is a "possession" thing and a "ego" thing. He simply can not bear to lose her because of what it says about him. She, on the other hand, has begged to try to bring some semblance of love to the marriage, but he just can't bring himself to stick to any of the "promises" he ever makes to effect changes which could bring it about - most times breaking them as early as the very night they were made. The lonliness factor runs high for her, and she can't help but want to be somewhere else and with someone else. They have a child that keeps her there, and honestly, she doesn't really want to be alone, so she stays. Yet, she feels alone anyway, trapped in a loveless marriage, and she is withering and dying within that relationship. Her reasons for staying aren't really any better than his - she just wants to make sure her child is taken care of. They have tried counselling - three years worth, in fact, and no changes. They became Christians and tried to live by God's law of "mates for life" - praying for improvement and a change of heart - yet still no changes. It is a lonely and empty existence for the woman - and for the man, too, probably. There really is no hope for the marriage - in fact, any hope there ever could have been died years and years ago.
Before I give what will most likely be an unpopular opinion, I think it is important to define "cheating". The example you gave OS in the opening post in this thread, IMHO, is a classic and abhorrent case of cheating. This man loves his wife, and wants to continue to have a loving relationship with her. Bringing someone else into the equation is deadly to the relationship - whether she ever finds out or not. He will always know about it, and most likely, will always worry about "slipping up" and telling her about it. He will live in his own form of torture, and because he took something beautiful and marred it, I have no sympathy for him.
But in the instance I cite, I believe it to be different. There are those who say, "out of respect for your spouse, you should at least leave first before finding someone else." I say, that love grows out of respect. And since there is no love in the marriage, there is no respect not only for the people in the marriage, but for the marriage itself. The whole thing is a sham. And I do not believe that if one person, who in this very real example I cite, who wasn't even looking, finds someone who can show them what real love is about, then they should thank God for allowing that person into their life. Maybe the order of how things should go got mixed up because of the way things naturally occurred - but I see nothing wrong with leaving a loveless, hopeless marriage for someone else that can provide something that the marriage never did and never will. The key though, is the actions of the person who accidentally met someone new. If they do not take real, sincere steps to leave the marriage, and instead, try to sustain both, then there is a problem and it is wrong. But if the person makes a genuine effort to get out, and leave the unhealthy marriage behind them, then I believe that there is nothing wrong with that. Staying in a loveless and hopelss marriage when someone new comes along just because society thinks you should, is wrong in my book. Because staying makes about as much sense as trying to resuscitate a dead horse, while allowing the live, healthy and live-giving person to walk out the door. What sense does that make?
Again, I know my opinion on the very real scenario I paint may not be popular, but I do believe that all persons deserve to be happy and to be loved. And sometimes an opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. I believe when people have the choice between the unhappy and unfilling status quo, or the once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity, they should seize the opportunity - whether others like the choice they made or not. After all, it is not others who are living the life and making the choice. And IMHO, OS, "others" don't have any business judging those who choose the brass ring over the dead horse.
growedup
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Obviously Secret
ya I know where you getting at imall. However, you said it yourself. LEAVE the relationship. and try to find support in the person you love. Never balance both, and that is what most instances intails. If your leading on a "loving" relationship and your tryint to keep it loving my goodness that's so stupid and just plain evil. But if your in a terrible relationship by all means go out and leave the guy and find somebody worth while. Never marry if you don't love the person to death in the first place. I know it's a kind of hard thing to say cause people do seem to fall out of "love" these days but the scenerio you presented is kind of like she got pregnant and they got married which is a terrible reason to marry. I don't know it's just hard, however, most cheaters are just despicable. 99.999999999999999% in my oppinion.
