My ex-wife is a psycho bitch...

by Abaddon 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Abaddon

  (RANT)

  Friends of my girlfriend's family are lending us a cottage in France this summer.

  I want to have my two daughters there for a week.

  My ex-wife doesn't like the idea because it's 'inconvenient'. I have them 1 week of 6 in the summer. What she means is she detests me and my parents and will do anything in her power to make seeing my kids difficult.

  There's not been one occasion in the past two years when she's dropped them off within a half-hour of the agreed time, for example.

  Now, I ran this past her last week; she yelled "NO YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM ON HOLIDAY" before I'd even said what I wanted to do. I said I thought it would be nice if she actually listened to what I had to say before she said 'no'. She shut-up, let me explain, and then ranted about how me and my parents were always 'spoiling their family time together in holidays' (this is like a weekend at Easter and a week last summer!) before saying she'd think about it and slamming the phone down.

  Now she's been conveniently 'out' the past three evenings.

  I wish I had the money for lawyers as I'd love to (figuratively speaking) slap the bitch into another century (like the 21st) in court, but so far I have not had lawyers involved and am loathe to involve the children.

  I left her ten years ago as she was an emotionally cruel bitch who had never really loved me but married me as I was a Mini with good prospects and an important Elder as a dad. I was her family in a box to raise her son and look after her. I did, for 5 1/2 years until I left for my own self-preservation.

  She's had about £50,000 off me as I gave her my share of the house - although if she'd done as I'd advised she'd still be getting £4-500 a month in rental income with no effort on her part as we used the house as a source of rental income once we moved out of London and when we seperated I took over the mangement of this.

  I see the kids regularly, even though I now live in a different country. I didn't leave her for another woman even.

  I can't understand how she can deprive the chldren of something they want and she knows they want. The only explanation is her using it to get a me.

  What an utter cow. She told her child-minder about the holiday thing (I get regular intelligence reports back from my daughters) and her child-minder disagreed with her, so - catch this - she now only uses the child-minder for the younger of th girls (as she needs this) and has the older girl go home straight from school by herself.

  What a cow...
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Well I'm sorry for all that waste of love and time !
  
  I can understand that she wants to get you but not to drive you crazy (in a way or an other) the problem is that you are a bit too smart and there's not lots of ways for her to play on your nerves but in using the children ... In knowing that with this strategy in the long run she'll be the great loser ! (Pitifull)

  They know at least (or the older will tell to the younger) : Good for you anyway !
• 

  Celtic

  Hey up mate, I can empathise completely with how you feel about this after being through something similar. My ex wife told me several months after leaving me that she had only married me to have a baby by me and it was always her every intention from the very start to leave me as soon as our son was born, she was just surprised at herself that she had left it until Ashton was 14 months old. Ruddy great. Now I wonder why we had troubles in our relationship if that was her attitude. Streuth.

  Where they seem to get mixed up in this is that they believe chi;ldren are something to do with ownership rather than a gift which ought to be shared by both parents.

  I too recently asked my ex if I could take my son, who is now 10 on holiday abroad as this is what he asked me. She categorically put her foot down and said no without even weighing up the pros and cons or being willing to even have a conversation about it. I too am having to consider at present taking this back to court but am loathe to do so as ultimately this is not in the childs best interests.

  Similarly, with contact visits when my son was younger. I would drive often 820 mile round trips to a place and at a time designated by the court for me to pick my son up. You can guarantee that 7 in every 10 journeys were a complete waste of time with her accusing me as being the one that had not turned up. Unknown to her, I was obviously picking up a petrol receipt at Tescos at a branch in Suffolk which stated plainly enough that I was there on the day and at the time specified.

  At least these days I do have unlimited access to my son whenever I want it, but given the struggle it took to gain this, out of choice, not wishing to disrupt his new family life I only see him on average 3 times a year. To get this far meant appearing in court no less than 30 times, in the end representing myself in the highest family court in the land. By this point she had been in comtempt of court so many times, I and the Judges practically lost count. This was to be her undoing in the end as one Judge threatened to put her in prison for blatantly disobeying court orders and wasting everyones time. I remember well her standing up to the Judge, shouting at him that he could not do such a thing and stamping her foot, something I'll never ever forget. The Judge hammered down his gavel and told her if she did not sit down immediately and behave herself she would be sent down straightaway. That seemed at last to shut her up.

  Fathers do seem to get a rough ride throughout this entire process involving their children and access rights. You can fully understand the seething anger at the justice system in the UK by fathers who feel they have badly been let down by the system. Most fathers too most likely only wish for the interests of the child to be put first, rather than this absolutely absurd practice which allows mothers to look after their own interests first without considering the childs interests and the importance of a balanced relationship with BOTH parents. One such campaign group in the UK is Fathers for Justice, which you may have heard of. Not nessarsarily agreeing with the way they go about campaigning, you can certainly understand why they do so, and they come from every conceivable background possible crossing all boundaries of employment.

  Its the powerlessness that gets to me, that they can get away with so much, never will I be able to capture the relationship with my son that I always wanted. I have not seen him grow as a child. I had better leave it there too, before I too get too upset.

  My thoughts and kindest regards are with you and the family during this turbulent time.

  It's all so needless and blatantly pointless. Why cannot some mothers see that?

  Best wishes to you!!

  PM me if you need to.

  Mark
• 

  Mary

  Abaddon:

  Although you may not want to get a lawyer involved, it sounds like it almost might be necessary at this point. I will assume from your post that she has custody and you have visitation rights, but she doesn't sound like she even wants to do that.

  I have a friend in the same position. He was an elder, wised up, left after he found out his holier-than-thou-wife was having an affair with someone in the congregation (although it was all covered up by the other elders) and after he got disgusted with the way the Organization was run. He ended up getting DF'd, his bitch of a wife (who made his life a living hell while they were married) remarried and gives him nothing but grief over the kids and of course she always wants more money, money, money. She's a true psychopath.

  My friend is mild by nature but I finally told him that he has to get a lawyer, because it was getting completely out of hand. He ended up getting an EXCELLENT lawyer who has really helped his situation ALOT. His ex tried screwing him out of the holidays with his kids, has lied to authorities about everything and stood by while her bitch of a mother's nephew sexually abused these two wonderful kids. Bottom line is: she couldn't care less about the kids, it's all a control thing with her. Sad to say, it sounds like your ex could be the same way as no mother who really loves her children would put them through what she is.

  I know it's expensive, but if you got a good lawyer who has alot of experience in dealing with people like your ex, she just might back off a bit.
• 

  Abaddon

  Thanks FBF;

  It's a good point. The kids are THE only way she can hurt me. She's been a good mum in many ways; I've always been careful to give her credit where credit is due. The girls are polite and well behaved. That doesn't happen by accident. But other than that I could care less about my x-'s life. NOTHING she can say or do can hurt me; she did it all before we broke up, and I can still remember the day I decided I wouldn't let her hurt me anynore.

  But of course, my kids... yes, she's nasty enough and smart enough to see that can still hurt me using them.

  Thanks Mark...

  To get this far meant appearing in court no less than 30 times, in the end representing myself in the highest family court in the land. By this point she had been in comtempt of court so many times, I and the Judges practically lost count. This was to be her undoing in the end as one Judge threatened to put her in prison for blatantly disobeying court orders and wasting everyones time. I remember well her standing up to the Judge, shouting at him that he could not do such a thing and stamping her foot, something I'll never ever forget. The Judge hammered down his gavel and told her if she did not sit down immediately and behave herself she would be sent down straightaway. That seemed at last to shut her up.

  I could have erotic dreams about a scenario like that... wow...

  I think I'm probably a little bit nastier than you; if it had it been me and my x I would have loved to see her being dragged into the cells to cool down, and then come up and apologise... I'd give a kidney for that (preferably hers!).

  But well done over the persistance you showed. And I bet you don't think anything special of it. I don't see any of the effort I've put into maintaining my relationship with my daughters as 'effort'; I could no more give up on them than stop breathing, and I'm sure you understand that. It's when I talk to other divorced women I realise not everyone is like us.

  I think I am reaching the 'excess straw syndrome' an camel will feel at some point.

  The persistant bad will

  The persistant lateness

  The cow can't even be a decent x-JW; she's just stopped attending meetings as she doesn't like the local congregations (any of them, she's outlived her welcome in three) but STILL continues dubbie moralistic bollocks and fear mongering. Whilst seeing non-JW's. And getting the girls to lie to me about it (not that they DO lie to me about it, they tell me) so she can keep up the virgin ice queen routine (I ruined her life apparently).

  Thank god my girls are smart.

  She's gonna end up one very sad and lonely woman if she's not careful.
• 

  Celtic

  aye
• 

  Abaddon

  Mary

  I am 80% certain I will be able to get her to change her mind. I know her. I know her conciets. In addition to thinking herself the best mother in the world she has a conciet about being reasonable. She's also reasonably intelligent.

  Although I'd dearly love to never see her again, she's the mother of my children so this is not an option.

  My insights into her character mean I have been able to play her in situations where she's made access really difficult.

  In the past I've found that building an argument where I don't criticise her for her actions but in as bland a way as possible ask her viewpoint questions and ask her to draw comparisons, she folds.

  She knows that most divorced women don't deny access to a man whose not done anything that would warrant that. She knows that if it came to court she would look very bad. She'd never admit it, but she's not stupid, she knows what the facts are.

  Thanks for your comments!
• 

  Lehaa

  I'm so sorry. It's terrible when people use their kids to hurt their ex's.

  I hope things can be sorted out.

  Give your kids a hug from me.

  My husband and i have just separated and we are determined to put our kids first. They are, after all the best thing to come out of our relatioship and we both love them more than anything.
• 

  Elsewhere
• 

  bisous

  Reading these stories makes me ashamed for women. I know a few myself who have adopted these tactics. In the long run they will lose. Kids aren't stupid and in later years will see what was done. Parents who conduct themselves like this will alienate themselves from the children.

  Fellas who have experienced this, I'm very very sorry. I must also say that many dads conduct themselves shamefully as well. Human nature can go terribly wrong when vengeance and jealousy rear their ugly heads.