Emma,
Just wanted to share with you since you seem to be wise, and have thoughtful words.
Our relationship has not been built on deceit at all. He has never lied to me, and he has never bad mouthed his wife at all not once.
IN LOVE & CONFUSED
by unique 36 Replies latest social relationships
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Fed Up
Yes, this isn't right, but you know what LIfe is too short - If I died tomorrow - would I have any regrets? ABSOLUTELY NOT.....
Yes, I've always said that I'd rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't do.
But I also draw the line at dating married or attached men.
Please understand that the reason so many on this board are telling you this same thing is because most of us have personally witnessed the results, which SUCK pretty much every time.
I also met my current husband just shortly after I left my first husband--and shortly after his wife had thrown him out of their house--for another man...but regardless, I refused to date him for a year, until long after his divorce was finalized and I was SURE there was nothing between them and no possibility of reconciliation. I didn't do that for him or her, I did that for ME!
It has nothing to do with love, it's self-respect, and you get what you give.
Best of luck.
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Emma
He has never lied to me
Unique, but you yourself said he's living a double life. That may not be deceiving you personally, but it's deceiving others who have been close to him or cared for him. I'm not trying to be mean, but if you haven't heard the other side, you can't really be sure if you have the whole truth. And some people will be completely honest with you until it doesn't fit their needs. I does sound like you have your eyes open and are really trying to at least; are you prepared to deal with the possible eventuallity that he could do this to you?
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Emma
My last post wasn't clear. What I wanted to say was that I think that the double life shows a pattern. Maybe I'm to close to a similar situation to be objective.
I know there are situations where it's turned out for the best. Maybe you'll hear from someone who is more encouraging.
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Karissa
OH My!
Please read what I wrote on June 5. "My Heart has been broken in two-JW-HE IS MARRIED". You might find my story interesting. .
Your man sounds so much like my ex. i.e. smoking, drinking, the things he says. The only difference is yours admitted he is married. My advice to you is to run.
Great sex with a charming man, telling you everything you want to hear??? Blah Blah Blah... He's married! I know it's hard but you will end up getting hurt if you continue. I myself am still hurting, much better now but still have my moments from time to time. Very Hard!
Find a single guy and I wish you luck- : )
K
PS- WAIT!!! 2 daughters? His name isn't Paul is it? Yikes!
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Nosferatu
I have had to poke and prod for him to communicate with me. Is this something JW doesn't want members to do - communicate? He is good at keeping things locked up inside, but with my coaxing he is starting to blossom.
JWs are taught to repress their natural feelings, and are discouraged from expressing them. They are told what they SHOULD feel, and are told what they SHOULD express. Breaking out of this shell is difficult, but it can be done over time.
As he gets further and further from the JW religion, most likely he'll start to change. He'll eventually turn into a normal human being, but who knows what is going to accompany that. Just a warning for you.
Also, to give you another warning, he may be on the rebound. It's not a JW thing, but it's a thing that usually happens when a long term relationship goes sour. He's going through two major changes at once, leaving a cult and leaving his wife. Most likely, he is going to end up changing as things progress. His feelings can change, and so can his behavior patterns. He'll be discovering new things that he was never able to do (ie go to bars, celebrate his birthday, watch R rated movies, etc.) He's going through a lot right now, and you're probably the only support he's got right now.
Good luck.
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czarofmischief
Well, I'm not very good at relationships, so I'll hold off on judging yours.
I'll just tell you what, if he still believes in the dub "truth", he is thinking. He has a wife and two daughters. There are strong JW commands against adultery (which can't make him feel good about your relationship) and abandoning a family (which make it unlikely he will leave his wife.) In addition, the gyno-cratic tyranny of our society looks down on any man that views monogamy as anything short of a blessing. So, maintaining a mistress like yourself would be difficult in ANY circumstances, let alone those of a dubbish husband.
But essentially, he has to CHOOSE to leave. The truth of your relationship will inevitably come out. There will be a JC. At that point he will either choose to cut off your relationship and return to his wife (if he wants to stay a dub) or he just might choose to continue with you and have the disfellowshipping procedure move forward. This means that his family will not talk to him. This means that his wife will probably leave him and try not to share custody of their daughters with him. In short, he will be screwed up more than you can possibly understand. and you will be humiliated as the elders will try to get you into the JC and go over the details of your intimacy - trust me, it is as creepy as you can imagine.
I am not aware of any substantial differences between American and Canadian JW's - respect for the laws in each state mightmake a difference in his behavior. for instance, American JW's don't usually (supposed to) drink (much) until they are 21. Canadian JW's can drink at nineteen, I believe. But that is due to the lasws, not the religion.
CZAR