When I was in it, I had a close friend df'd. I went and visited her because I was worried about her state of emotional and mental health. I didn't know how important that was until years later when I was df'd myself.
It was an experience that almost destroyed me and tore my family apart. The elders kept me hanging for 14 months while I did everything they directed so I could be reinstated. They kept lying to me (starting with the first judicial meeting), telling me the Organization book said I had to wait a year. I made them angry because every month I'd make another request for reinstatement. They didn't care if I was "repentant." They just wanted to make sure I was punished well.
Seems weird now, why I wanted back in. As other ex j's will understand, it was the loss of my family, friends, lifestyle, faith, etc. They told my children not to talk to me, and forced me to let them go study the bible with other witnesses. My mother would not let me past the entranceway of her house (even though my father was not part of the religion). I was fighting to get my life back.
When they finally relented and magnanimously let me back in, I really lost it. Here I was the exact same person I had been 14 months previously, a good person who loved my family and god and wanted to do what was right. But for 14 months everyone I cared about was forced to treat me as if I was nothing, a diseased leper, unworthy of entering their home or being spoken to. Who were these men to say that one day I was unacceptable and the next day I was?
It was a turning point, and I finally woke up, thank god. It still took me some years to completely break free, but I'm glad to say that I'm now finally a whole person again. I left the religion, broke all ties with my family, and am finally happy with the person I've become. I'm free!
As horrific as the df'ing experience was, at least I got something good out of it. For Lehaa and others who are still struggling with the experience, remember that what they are doing is wrong. It is inhuman and cruel. A god of love would not approve.
You may choose to play the game and get reinstated if you want to maintain a relationship with your family and friends. But you have the option of leaving voluntarily after. Believe me, it gives me great satisfaction to be able to say "you 'kindly' let me back into the religion, but you know what? I've woken up and will never come back!"
