by Elsewhere 33 Replies latest jw friends
hi there....this is an amazing letter. what i like about it is, that it is truthful, and that you are trying very hard to reason with them. i wish so much they would get rid of this shunning policy because it is just making everyone nuts. it goes against human nature to shun and to be shunned. i wish you the best, and let us know how it all comes out.
joanne
Great letter.
Just an idea but you might want to *end* with a positive spin. Your letter logically and calmly lays out your feelings and your viewpoints and it's very good. But since you really do want them to quit shunning you and you really do miss them, why not make your last sentence something like "I really miss you" or something like that. I know you say in your letter you would love to be a part of your life but what is the last nerve you want to touch as soon as they reach the end of the letter and take a pause to think of what you just said? Go for *their heart* and not their mind for the finale.
Just a thought.
many years ago(over 20) i said to an elder , XXXX, when the WTS says something is a conscience matter, don't they really mean no self respecitng, REAL jws would do such a thing, but they can't DF u for it?" He said basically "spot on". all REAL jws know conscience matter is code for if u do it we won't regard u as a real jws and most likely u won't have any privileges or friends , but of course, we can't DF u- darn it. those pesky civil rights laws can cause us a lot of trouble, but thanks to our dedicated team of lawyers working for mother, we have figured out a way to say it and not get sued. if u are a real jws, u will be able to decode it.
Great letter Elsewhere,
terminated my association with a publishing corporation in New York. Are you really unable to see in your mind the difference between a publishing corporation and yourself? In a response from the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society that I got regarding shunning, they stated that whether or not you shun me is your own personal decision. They said that they did not force or instruct you to do this. I sent you a copy of this letter in the past. Did you not read it?
The highlighted sentence is the only one that I would consider toning down, just my opinion.
a great letter, to be sure.
i have to agree with lady lee, and only from experience, that esp. mothers are very sensitive to the way things are worded. i saw a red flag go up in my mind when i saw the word 'hypocritical'. if you use that word with most jw's they will imediately tune the rest of what you say out.
it's entirely up to you, of course. but i think that if you are really trying to focus on getting back into contact with them, instead of pushing them away more, just a couple tiny edges could be smoothed. i only offer this based on my own personal experience with this stuff...
i wish you all the best with this. none of this shunning crap ever made sense to me within the family, at the very least. unless someone is an outright danger to society (not THE society), others and themselves, then why would you act like they were dead?
i'm sorry for your pain :(
fleur
Wow Elsewhere;
Your letter has kind of just blown me away.
I read your posts and I guess it has just given me another side of you that I didn't really know.
I am extremely moved by your letter to your parents, even if you mail it to them or not.
It is very well written. It speaks truth, It speaks of your feelings, It speaks of why you feel the way you do from being yo-yo'ed back and forth with come here elsewhere we love you and then stay away elsewhere we are shunning you. back and forth not only through the phone calls but the same thing at family gatherings. Come to this one.. oops don't come to that one.
I remember going though this with my mom when I was first disfellowshipped. And then I just finally had enough and cut myself off from my J.W. family.. I just couldn't take the emotional rollercoaster. It was killing me, so I built my own exjw fortress so they just couldn't pop in and out at their convenience always upsetting my emotional applecart.
There is one question I would like to ask you though. Is it really a conscience matter if your parents and sibblings shun you or not? I think you mentioned the WTS saying that. If that is so than why are so many exjw's shunned by their families?.. Do you have that in print?
Again, Elsewhere.. Great post, heartfelt and honest letter. Through your post you have definitely gotten my peer support .. as a poster with similar family circumstance.
(( Elsewhere )).. and yes man.. it does hurt to be shunned by the ones we love doesn't it.
sincerely
Special K of the thinking back in time kind..
p.s. I search myself now wondering if I went back to this emotional rollercoaster ride if I could or would want to live like that again. The "Hi, how are you we miss you call me anytime" to "Don't call anymore"..
(((((((((((((Elsewhere)))))))))))))) I hope the letter gives them a kick in the butt.....if nothing else it was probably a HUGE weight off your shoulders
Great letter, Elsewhere!!!!
The only thing I might change is:
Sincerely,
[Elsewhere]
To:
I Love you very much,
Elsewhere
To me,"Sincerely" sounds like the closing to a business letter. The closing word or words can oftentimes put the whole letter in perspective....
Elsewhere - that's a great letter. I hope you don't mind - I'm going to steal parts of it for the letter I'm working on.
I can so relate to the flip flop adherence to JW doctine. I haven't responded to a letter my mom wrote me 5 years ago basically because I couldn't take it anymore. She always says "you know if you really need me I'm here for you." Of course, what does "need" mean to a JW? I can remember once crying on the phone begging her to let me come visit her. The answer was NO. Years later she denied that it even happend. As if I would make that up. I have so many examples like that I decided to stop collecting them.
Please let us know what kind of response you get.
Thanks for sharing your letter
Hugs
It's a very good letter Elsewhere, but if you really want to make them stop and think, I would quote a couple of scriptures such as Mark 2:15-16 that shows how Jesus certainly never shunned anyone and he ate with the tax collectors that the Pharisees SHUNNED because they weren't of their faith and didn't follow the Pharisees rules:
"....Later he happend to be reclining at the table in his house and many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples...."
I would ask them to please show you a scripture where Jesus himself encouraged shunning family members. There isn't one. Some Witnesses will use the scripture where he said that if you put your mother, father, brother or sister ahead of him, you aren't worthy of him, but from what I can see, you're not asking them to put you ahead of Jesus; you just want them to accept that you don't believe that this Organization is the one true religion.
