Would You Go Back To A Kingdom Hall For A Funeral or Wedding? (page 6)

talesin

:: I'm not sure I understand why.

Okay. I'll explain it again from my viewpoint. Keep in mind I am DF, I tried to fade, but they would not let me. Therefore, I have endured a LIFETIME of shunning, since I was 20 years old.

I was specifically told not to come to my parent's 50th wedding anniversary celebration. My wife-beater cousin was invited, and attended, but OH, he was never 'in the truth'. He is not 'bad association'.

My nephew got married about 3 months ago. I didn't even know he was getting married! Oh, and by the way, I have met him once in 22 years!

My brother has spoken to me once in 19 years, and that was to ask about my parents' will.

When I was sick, poor and hungry, NOT ONE OF THEM HELPED ME OUT, except for my parents.

Now, they want me to come to a funeral? Why would I want to?

They don't talk to me, they don't want me to share in any of their joyful occasions, I HAVE GONE HUNGRY AND MY OWN BROTHER DIDN'T CARE.

Why would I want to be around ANY of these people? Especially when I am grieving and need to be around people who love me.

That is what I see as healthy behaviour. I avoid abusive people. The JWs have abused me for over 25 years in the most heinous fashion, so they are persona non grata in my books.

I refuse to lay down and say 'Here, I'm a carpet, walk on me some more' by participating in their meaningless death rituals because they have decided it is the only time I will be considered 'family'.

doogie

I'm going to share in the joy of seeing a family member or close friend getting married. They don't wanna talk to me, their loss.

yeah, i know what you mean, but i think this is completely different for everyone.

i'm kind of in with TALESIN on this one.

i think it definitely has a lot to do with your personal experience while active with the JW's and also how closely your ties are to the ones doing the shunning. it would be impossible for me to "share in the joy" while everyone is giving me the cold shoulder or even worse, aggressively trying to re-recruit me. that's just not a very joyful experience for me.

for me personally, i feel like seeking out that negativity by showing up where i am unwanted is kind of "playing the game" as well. but again, i think it's just different for everyone. especially if you are inactive versus DA/DF.

Sunspot

**They don't talk to me, they don't want me to share in any of their joyful occasions, I HAVE GONE HUNGRY AND MY OWN BROTHER DIDN'T CARE.

**Why would I want to be around ANY of these people? Especially when I am grieving and need to be around people who love me.

Exactly! Who really wants to be around people that in all honesty DON'T want to see us in the first place? Oh, yeah---we are "acceptable" between the hours of say,10 AM to 12 PM, after that---hit the road. Real heartwarming, huh?

edited to add.........((((Talesin))))

undercover

i think it definitely has a lot to do with your personal experience while active with the JW's and also how closely your ties are to the ones doing the shunning.

I think that has to be the key. It makes the difference in why some would go and some wouldn't. After reading Talesin's experience I don't blame him one bit for not wanting to have anything to do with it. I wouldn't either.

I personally have only gotten shunned by people that I wasn't all that close to to begin with. My family, while confused and maybe embarrassed, has not shunned or disowned me. We are still family. That's why I would choose to go.

Confucious

Of course,

No different that if we would avoid churches when we were dubs IF WE DIDN'T.

sunshineToo

The only time I would have to go to the kh will be for my mom's funeral. If she dies, I'm sure she would have wanted her funeral at a kh, which I will respect. I doubt I would be invited for anything else.

sinamongurl

I would go back for a funeral

I doubt they would invite a df'd person to a wedding, its like im already dead

Sin

Brummie

I certainly would go back to a funeral, I went back to my grans funeral and that was a wierd experience. I wouldnt go to a JW family wedding, because I wouldnt be invited anyway.

Brummie

Gretchen956

I'm just seeing this thread for the first time, guess I've been busy lately.

No, I wouldn't go. Not because I'm shunning them, but because I too had an abusive relationship with my family. Not sexually abusive, but physically and verbally. When they shunned me at first it was very hard, and I hated them for years. Now I've made peace with them in terms of my feelings. Gradually I have come to the point where I really don't think about them much at all. I was recently told my father is not going to be around much longer and it was curious because after all this time it was almost as if someone was telling me about a previous casual acquaintance. It is sad, and the saddest part is that they will go to their grave sad, bitter, resentful, hateful people. No, I am not calling them names, they truly are those things. I hope that in their next life, or in the afterlife, or whatever comes for them, that they are able to learn the lesson of unconditional love.

It's been so many years for me and I live so far away from those I knew in the congregation, there truly isn't anyone else that I would feel called to attend a funeral for. And like others have said, I have been told I am not invited to family gatherings and celebrations. They couldn't have given me a better gift!

Sherry

ApagaLaLuz

I have been to several JW funerals since leaving. They were for wonderful women who had a strong positive influence on me growing up. Just because we dont agree on religion does not mean I dont still have much respect for them.

I have yet to be invited to a wedding though. I just dont see that happening anytime soon. I probably wouldnt go, simply because it's an all day event. With a funeral I can get in and out quickly and avoid most of the people I want to avoid.

Would You Go Back To A Kingdom Hall For A Funeral or Wedding?

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