I confess!

noidea

I'm here to confess.
I've been lurking for some time now.
I have allot of mixed feelings mostly feelings of loss. I am 30 something but feel infantile.
A little background. Born into and raised a jw one of several kids. Mother a jw and divorced early in my childhood from my father after learning other than the catholic beliefs. I am considered a jw, I attend meetings. Yes, to please my mother. I don't have the heart to break her heart.
I always remember being told to not listen to apostates. I don't think that someone that doesn't agree with an org. qualifies as one. So it is legal I'm here. Not that it realy matters. I also remember hearing that if someone listened to an apostate that there is a 98% chance that they would leave "the truth" I dont agree with that either. An apostate should be defined as someone that tries to turn away someone from Christ not an org. I would like to call this a - forum for whistle blowers.
I applaude you. Many of courage. Many of heartbreak. Yet all suffering from deception in one way or another.
There are many that lurk about wondering where do I fit? A question maybe for those that have crossed a line of no return, I can't return to a life of deception I know too much and see and have seen too much. I am not sure of which way to go foward. I believe in Jehovah but have always have a hard time having a relationship with him, being made to feel I was undeserving not because of inherited sin but because of him not being attainable unless through the FDS. For now I will work on my relationship with him I will have to practice praying instead of bowing my head and counting for appearance sake. Am I the only on that has done that. I will be here to keep up with what is new. I mostly wanted to surface and say "Thank You to all who post" I know that I am not going through this alone. I don't know where my life will lead I guess that is where faith comes in. Faith in Jehovah and not man.

ofcmad

I don't know where my life will lead I guess that is where faith comes in. Faith in Jehovah and not man.

You are so on the right path. I can really empathize with you. I left because I just couldn't go on being a hypocrit anymore. I couldn't live with that. The thing is, is that I left without the "help" of any apostates. I KNEW in my heart that something was lacking in my relationship with Jehovah. For me, I realized it was the relationship with Christ that I was missing.
Jehovah will definitely direct your life. He has shown you already, which is the biggest step, that you have the relationship with HIM, not some manmade organization.
God bless you. He is there for you.

"Noah was a drunk and look what he accomplished." The Metatron/Dogma

noidea

ofcmad,
Thanks,
I love the quote! I knew Noah was a good man. I don't remember that point being brought out at the hall.LOL
noidea

messenger

Congratulations! You have begun the journey to freedom. When you learn to think it can raise real issues with WT world. It is much like someone put it, "I would have questions I can't answer as opposed to answers I can't question." When you feel this way WT no longer has the control/hold on you any longer. Your journey will continue but also you must learn to deal responsibly with your new found freedom. Wt programming says you will self destruct, overcome it,live well and be happy, it will really mess with the JW prophecy about your doom. Whatever the choice, cherish your freedom to think.

A man who refuses to think is a fool,
A man who can't think is a idiot,
A man who is afraid to think is a coward.....

Tina

Greetings!

Ack! lol Edited for major error-I was thinking of Lot,,,sorry,and welcome aboard noidea....altho Gen 9:18;29 shows besides drunkenness he had some peculiar behavior-exposing himself which the Hebrews at Lev equated with incest......ahh much to think about there.regards,tina

noidea

Tina.
Your right!
Selective memory!
He would have fit right in as a jw.
Lot, Noah - Noah, Lot
both good examples of good faithful men that would fit right in.

AngelofMuZiC

Hi there noidea!!

I give you a wholehearted welcome to the board!!!! Don't worry you are not alone. I used to do the same thing when I was at the hall. For awhile, I went for my mother's sake, and I used to also bow my head and keep my eyes open just enough so I could see the carpet. I would then proceed to count the number of squares on my patch of carpet. If the prayer was really long, I would then look around to see how many chairs were missing those little caps on the tops of them. Just out of curiosity, how old are you?
My Regards,
Joanne

I confess!

noidea

ofcmad

noidea

messenger

Tina

noidea

AngelofMuZiC

noidea

thinkers wife

AngelofMuZiC

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