Just something I was thinking about and wanted to get a few opinions on.
Should you change yourself for the person you are with?
by Sirius Dogma 42 Replies latest social relationships
-
-
Stefanie
I guess it depends on what kind of change.
-
Nosferatu
Should you change yourself for the person you are with?
Never. If you change yourself for someone, you'll never truly know who YOU are. It's a way of submitting to that person and leaving yourself under their control.
It's much better for that person to accept who you are.
-
kls
Been there ,done that, that's why i became a jw in the first place , to please my husband. I am now my own person and will NEVER conform myself to please anyone ever again . So actually i conformed to him and the jws and i was not me but them.
-
Scully
Would the change reflect who you really are?
If not, why would you basically agree to 'live a lie'? Could you live with yourself knowing that you were doing that? Would you be able to keep free of resentment toward your partner for requiring this of you?
I guess it all depends on what the change is. If your partner is asking you to do something for your own benefit (and ultimately for your mutual benefit) such as quitting a bad habit like smoking or alcoholism or being more sensitive toward her (where she is feeling neglected or abused), then it's worth considering.
If you're being asked to change something big - like the amount of time spent with your relatives vs hers - or taking on a lavish lifestyle that is beyond your means - or being some way for the sake of appearances - then, it's probably not worth the headaches.
Love, Scully -
Stefanie
How about if you met someone that you love and they dont smoke and they ask you if you can stop?
*Stefanie of the, Dont have a clue on how to have a good relationship so is asking questions and listening carefully class*
-
Vivamus
It doesn't make you happy when you do ...
-
Doubtfully Yours
I guess quitting smoking can be a good change, but if you're not ready for it, then it can make you miserable!
How about picking a person that is as close as possible to your character and behavior?
DY, of the "never rush into a relationship" class.
-
Nosferatu
How about if you met someone that you love and they dont smoke and they ask you if you can stop?
That's when you smoke more in front of them. Seriously. Nagging someone isn't going to do a damn thing but cause problems. It's up to the smoker to take action and find reasons to quit smoking. I dated a non-smoker who was on my case about smoking. She wasn't happy about it, but I just told her that I'd quit when I'm ready.
-
ApagaLaLuz
I think whenever you are in a long term relationship of course you're going to change a little bit, either on purpose or accidentally. You pick up little things from the people you associate closely with. But you should never have to change the person you ARE to fit another person.
How about if you met someone that you love and they dont smoke and they ask you if you can stop?
This is not the person you are though. I think it's unfair for someone to ask you to stop, and it is also unfair to go out of your way to smoke around them if you know it bothers them.
I did the theatre production of Guys and Dolls one time. There is a line that always stuck with me. When comparing men to dresses. It goes something to the effect of "Why is it when a doll goes shoping for a dress, she sees the PERFECT one in a window, buys it, takes it home, and immediately starts making alterations to it?"
The day I find myself trying to change someone else, or asking them to change who they are, is the day I realize it's time to move on to someone I dont want to change. It's not fair.