Don't feel that your main point was lost, it isn't at all. It is just complex I think. And of course, if you ask 50 people for an opinion, you will get 50 different answers, I spoke to my family about your posts (up to the 11th installment) and we began to talk about some strange things that happened regarding "visions" my hubby and daughter had whilst we were going to church (baptist). I remember one night, my daughter waking me up hysterical, saying she saw a "man with a knife" looking over me while I slept. She was inconsolable... My hubby saw strange things also over the course of our church goings, both nightmarish, and strangly comforting. (dreams of entering heaven, etc). They swear they happened, and the experiences are very real to them, though they seem strange and unreal to me. Religion demands a total commitment on the part of the member. In the jw religion, this is amplified due to the emphasis put on members to depend entirely on the fds interpretation since god is using only them. You are constantly reminded to heed all information given because "jehovah is using his channel". They call this "food at the proper time" because the primal value of food is life sustaining....you cannot live without eating....you cannot live without food from hover. This becomes the lifeline to someone who believes the jw dogma. It is no wonder that you held on for dear life, especially after you were rejected. You still hung on and didnt wanna "starve to death". So the bible became your foodsource, only you had to make your own interpretations. The wt has printed that if one were to not use their lit for a few months, that one would "revert to apostacy" ie, you would not see things the same as the group. I think that may be what happened to you. You began to see all the differences between what the bible says, and what the tower says, and I think it was life altering and destabilizing. In short, you went through deprogramming, without aid of others. All by yourself and without any support system. That is traumatic on any level.Bolstering my opinion is that you seem to be balanced out now. Funny how something so simple as a permanant roof over our heads can make us secure ( I am thinking of your housing crises over the years). Also, facing all those hard times alone with nobody in the world to help....my heart breaks for what you went through.... Since the first day you arrived on jwd, I have admired you. I felt you were so strong and you just stood out to me as lovable and centered. After reading your life story, I know that I was right in my assessment.
Gawrsh, LittleWitch, you're right, of course...I forget how complex it was, because it all came together for me at last...but even that took a while.....Maybe I should make another thread and take a poll, listing the points made and see how many "got it," eh?
You're right about the rest of it, too, LW....except....my support system was....better leave that for the points in the poll thread...but don't cry for me, LW....it had to be done...it's like a child that wants to smoke....and the parent, knowing how bad the habit is, gives the child all the cigarettes or cigars it can handle and says, "Now smoke! Smoke 'em ALL....keep smoking, don't stop!" Till the kid is ready to puke....result? Lesson learned.
About that last part? 
...thanks, cher
Frannie B
