Learning not to be judgemental

eljefe

The other day I realized that I am having trouble learning not to be judgemental. As a Witnesses I was always looking at others and judging them. Now, this is the most difficult thing to quit doing. Did anyone else find this to be true?

Wild_Thing

Yes ... I still have trouble judging elders as anything but complete idiots!

Seriously though ... I think the biggest challenge when leaving the Witnesses is learning not to be so judgemental of yourself.

Lady Lee

Yes I find it hard to do sometimes. probably more often online than in real life.

Here I only have words on a screen. I add the tone to the words and can often project my feelings into the words. When that happens I may read something entirely the wrong way. and then respond in a negative way.

What I try to do is stop myself and clear my feelings out of the way. I need to look at my past posting relationship with that person and see if it is coloring my perspective. For example If a while ago someone sent me a PM criticizing me then I might lean towards reading all their posts as if they were said with a critical voice. So I have to stop and assess if I am projecting those feelings into the present post. Often the past is long forgotten and we just hang onto it when the other person has long forgotten it.

Some days are easier than others

Funchback

As a JW, I also was judgemental of people. But, after being away from the meetings for one year, I am not judgemental at all. I think this was easy for me to overcome because I never did fully conform to the JW lifestyle. I was only being judgemental of others because nearly everyone around me had this same mentality.

onacruse

Hello eljefe, and welcome to JWD.

As someone said, "Life is a pendulum." As a JW, yes, like many others, I was judgmental, to the point of being summarily dismissive. Over the last couple of years, I've gone through a couple of 'pendulum swings'...starting off primarily as "Oh, you're an exJW? Gosh, so good to meet you!"...then, to realize that just because someone is (or pretends to be) an exJW doesn't mean that I have to unquestioningly accept them. That's very much like our training as JWs: "Because someone's a brother or sister, you must accept them, even if you don't know them."

So, is judgmentalism wrong, in and of itself? No! In fact, we have no choice, as individuals, but to make such "judgments" every day: like it or not, that's what we do.

So where does the moral dilemna arise? imho, it arises from our own ongoing lack of self-worth, with the consequent desire to please everybody possible, and receive their approval (even if only via responses to a post we make on a db); and thereby the same kind of so-called self-affirmation that we got as JWs.

I now prefer the description "open-minded." And being open-minded doesn't preclude being judgmental.

Sincerely,

Craig

{edited to correct mis-spelling of user-name )

eljefe

I find myself judging my new "worldly" friends. We go to bars and I watch their actions. I find myself judging them while they are kissing or fondling some stranger. This seems to make me tighten up.

So where does the moral dilemna arise? imho, it arises from our own ongoing lack of self-worth, with the consequent desire to please everybody possible, and receive their approval (even if only via responses to a post we make on a db); and thereby the same kind of so-called self-affirmation that we got as JWs.

I agree with you. It seems as JWs we have to become so bland to make sure that we don't offend anyone. I have been trying to express my individuality more.

onacruse

elj:

I find myself judging my new "worldly" friends. We go to bars and I watch their actions. I find myself judging them while they are kissing or fondling some stranger. This seems to make me tighten up.

And this seems perfectly reasonable, and ethical, to me. Who, or what, says that you have to accept their behavior? If you don't like, then simply, you don't, and there isn't some GB, Bible, Koran, etc., to which you have to justify your discomfort...which is what you say:

I have been trying to express my individuality more.

Individuality is, by nature, judgmental.

gumby

elj........welcome to the board.................and oh, I'm so damn sorry you have to listen to people like Craig here cuz he eats mushrooms and his head gits kinda cloudy sometimes.....just pay him no attention.

Religious cults have one thing in common, and that is........salvation by good works.

People who are taugh WHAT is right and wrong, and , are taught that as a christian you should be able to refrain from all wrong, or your not measuring up....................become judgmental of others. They become judgmental to build themselves up as being "not so bad themselves." If they can find others faults who faults seem way worse than their own faults, they are quick to point them out.

BTW......keep your values on things in life. Don't feel because your not a witness anymore that you need to re-evaluate your personal moral beliefs .........unless you find those views are incorrect.

(oh.....craig don't really do shrooms I don't think)

Gumby

onacruse

gumby:

and oh, I'm so damn sorry you have to listen to people like Craig here cuz he eats mushrooms and his head gits kinda cloudy sometimes.....just pay him no attention.
(oh.....craig don't really do shrooms I don't think)

Actually, I did try mushrooms, back about 30 years ago...came from old man Kruse's cattle-farm, down a bit south of Portland...an annual event, with local TV coverage of the "harvester's" butts up in the air, as they collected the bountiful plenty.

elj, my apologies for side-tracking your thread...goomballs made me do it! LOL

Golf

Greetings and welcome Elj. Life is awesome, isn't it? Keep reading the posts and come to your own conclusions.

Guest 77

Learning not to be judgemental

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