Resignation

by onacruse 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  onacruse

  In my life, there have been two, and only two, "official" resignations:

  1) When I was at Bethel: resigned 'before my 4" because I couldn't tolerate the disillusionment and hypocrisy;

  2) When I was a MS: resigned because I couldn't tolerate the abuse that we servants recieved at the hands of the CO (and other accumulated disappointments with the presiding overseer).

  Otherwise, every "worldly" job I had, I stuck with it, in spite of my discomfort(s) with the job, or the bosses.

  Perhaps it's a contrast of "this one pays your rent and puts food in your belly, and the other one doesn't."

  Or, perhaps, there are deeper psychological factors at play?

  Your thoughts and experiences?

  Craig
• 

  Lady Lee

  crap Craig you scared the crap out of me

  abuse is abuse and we all have our limits.

  Sometimes it is a wise man who knows when to walk away
• 

  Mulan

  I couldn't tolerate the abuse that we servants recieved at the hands of the CO

  Dave used to complain of the abuse the elders received from the CO too. I just couldn't believe it................they were so loving to the congregation. How could they be two faced? I had a lot to learn.

  I quit a job once because I was sick of being discriminated against for NOT being a Mormon. Everyone else who worked there was one, so whenever there was a problem it had to be my fault. It was all too eerily familiar. Finally I just told the owner I wanted out, and she was happy to escort me off the premises.

  Other than that, I am generally not a quitter. I tend to stick with situations all the way.

  It was very, very difficult for me to admit the WTS (JW's) had fooled me, and it took a long time, but I did eventually walk away.
• 

  Satanus

  I quit the wt (actually, made them df me) because they were all wrong. I have also quit some jobs for reasons like i couldn't take the wierd night shifts anymore, they were jerks, they cut my pay. My current job demands high quality, but always pays, no questions asked. I think the big difference is that jobs pay what they promise, even though they might be rough. The wt doesn't/can't pay what it promises not in the present tense (happiness, real brotherhood, freedom), and the future that they promise is totally hokey. As well, when you leave a jobsite, your time/life is your own. The wt wants all of you for the rest of your life.

  S
• 

  onacruse

  Lee:

  crap Craig you scared the crap out of me

  LOL...sorry! Just one of those rattling little things that came to mind today, and why we can, or can't, walk away from certain situations. In the JW experience, most of us have known many elders who "stepped aside" for personal reasons, and we all suspected that there were more reasons than just "I need to give more attention to my family." I know that my conflicts were rather more the norm, than the exception, as many other posts on this board alone have demonstrated.

  Mulan:

  Other than that, I am generally not a quitter. I tend to stick with situations all the way.

  Which touches on the psychological issue(s) to which I alluded. I think it's fairly predictable that a JW who quits sees him/herself as a loser (at least initially). How does that compare to sticking with a job, even though we think the boss is a skunk?

  Perhaps that same mindset is acting???
• 

  Country Girl

  If I don't like something, I quit it. Simple.

  Country Girl
• 

  onacruse

  CG, as an example:

  You have a job, and you hate the job, and you hate your coworkers, and you hate your boss (most of all)...

  but, dangit, you need to pay the rent in 2 weeks.

  So, what do you do?

  By analogy: I'm in this religion, I hate this religion, I hate those stupid gossiping jerks, and I hate the presiding overseer, but if I leave I'll lose my family and friends.

  The issues are equally visceral.

  Under most circumstances, staying is not as hard as quiting.
• 

  onacruse

  Satanus:

  As well, when you leave a jobsite, your time/life is your own.

  Hmmmm...I wonder about that.

  Are you saying that, as soon as you punch the clock, or log-off, that your mind is completely disengaged from the preoccupations of the day? That you don't wake up at night (at least occasionally) and find yourself in a cold sweat of a dream about "what if I screwed up this-or-that"?

  And how about those who've been elders, who've had the same cold sweat?

  And those elders who, as a consequence of those cold sweat nights, had wished that they'd resigned years ago?

  Honestly, my good fellow, I don't think the picture is as clear as you might appear to be portraying it.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Craig

  I think one of the reasons people stay or take so long to leave is the belief that there must be something wrong with them because of course the org could not be wrong. Maybe I wasn't understanding things the right way. Or maybe I was being tested. Or maybe I wasn't going in service enough or praying the right way. The WT literature and talks are great at making people believe that the problem is with the person no tthe org.

  I know I got to the point where I believed the problem was so ME, that I didn't belong in God's organization. I deserved to die. I felt I was so underving that my kids would be better with thie father or strangers - certainly not me.

  And then I realized I didn't want to be dead. I just wanted the pain to stop and as long as I was married and a JW the pain would not stop. If the end came I would be stuck with the same husband forever and depending on how long it took him to become perfect I wasn't willing to wait that long.

  So I left and went into therapy. And I discovered the problems in the marriage weren't me. That was him and org policy.

  Took me 10 years to realize I was better off outside the org than if I went back in.

  Recovery/therapy also taught me that my patience was in fact self-defeating. It allowed people to use me and abuse me.

  It is a hard decision when leaving a situation means perhaps doing with less - like food. But in the end all the problems that come with a high stress jod really aren't worth it. You ruin your relationships and your health for nothing - well a few dollars. You are miserable and so is everyone around you. Personally I think the price is too high to sacrifice my well being over.
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  onacruse

  Really, this was no more than a musing I had, along the lines of "why do people (me) do what they do?"; an apparent contradiction in my behavior.

  But as Kate and I were talking about it this afternoon, it dawned on me;

  In my job, I could still do my job, even if the boss was an idiotic jerk, so I had no reason to resign. I wasn't expected to be his friend, or even to respect him.

  In my religion, I couldn't practice my religion; I was expected to be everybody's friend (love all your brothers and sisters, etc etc), and was required to respect my "bosses."

  The one set of constraints (my job) I could deal with in some measure of consistency and integrity, without resigning; the other set of constraints (my religion) left me no option but to resign.