by SYN 19 Replies latest social entertainment
I know I haven't posted anything substantial here for a while, but damnit, this idea just grabbed a hold and wouldn't let go until 4500 words later!
If you like it or hate it, please post a comment. Thanks
Also big thanks to Valis for allowing me to host stuff on his FTP. You rock man!
Linkety link: http://www.sassquatch.com/SYN/The_Sky_In_My_Dreams.htm
Whoops, please note that this is a first draft and there's a few typos in the beginning. *grin*
SYN
I enjoyed your story! It kept my interest. I've heard the theory about the canary island and tsunami aswell.
Sirona
Hi Syn
I started reading and I was captivated and couldn't stop until the very end..
It left me...in deep thought about those years around 1975 and also 9/11..
It made me think and remember a friend of my husband who has worked in the Laundry at the Canadian Bethel..
It left me....wanting more of the story.
Special K
Great story... loved it... it would make a terrific movie, don't you think ?
Kewl premise! The story held me all the way through. It would be nice to see our hero confront his supervisor and overcome the objections of his roomates on his way out of Bethel. After all, he needs to learn how to grow a backbone before he goes and saves New York.
Now, with my editing hat on:
They skin is lumpy and crusted on my knuckles
Change to ?my knuckles are lumpy and crusted? or ?the skin on my knuckles is lumpy and crusted?
For about half the week I got to meetings after work
Change to ?....I go to meetings...?
tardiness is one of the top five worst things you can be in Bethel.
Change to ?...you can do in Bethel...?
They were crazy times.
Change to ?Those were crazy times.?
Let me digress for a moment,
Would a laundry worker use these words?
They were halcyon days,
Would a laundry worker use these words?
Did I mention yet that it is a kewl premise, and it held my interest all the way through?
Hey, I liked this a lot--kept my interest going to the end. Was thought provoking in many ways. great descriptions--loved the way you described the music...very good. write more!
bttt for those who haven't read this masterpiece yet... Send it to Robert Redford or someone who could help you find a script writer...
LOL Celia, heh, I doubt any script-writers are going to be interested in this 2-hour "masterpiece".
Thanks for all your kind comments guys!
JGNat, yep, I saw those straight after I posted it...erk!
When I went to visit Bethel in Johannesburg, the part I probably remember most as being soul-destroying, mind-numbingly awful was the laundry rooms, and one of the coolest guys I ever knew worked in there. It looked like he hated it! Now imagine working in laundry and having bleach on your hands every day for twenty-six years. Ouch!
Will come back to read it tomorrow (I've posted just to quote it on my liste)
