Did I go too far / How far would you go to protect your partner ?

by bull01lay 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mary

  Most likely, everyone involved is worse off and in more danger than before this incident. You did afterall, call your nephew a "maniac", and for that matter, a "coward".

  Ya, but that's because the guy IS a maniac and a coward.

  Now just think what a maniac coward with a knife or a gun or wine bottle could do to your wife. Could you stop him?

  This is why I carry pepper spray (illegal in Canada......after all, it might violate some scumbag's right to rape me - so I get it in the good ol' USA). I also wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the balls as hard as I could.

  No, you couldn't. Suppose he now wants some revenge himself.

  This is why this guy needs to be locked up - he's dangerous and he's insane.
• 

  avishai

  'protecting' in the sense that the dude will now be afraid to ever touch my wife".

  Exactly. Sixo, I'm sorry, but you are full of crap on this one. Studies show that the only way these guy's stop is consequenses.
• 

  SheilaM

  You've been given some good advice.....He could have killed you with the bottle I worry that someone that out of control will end up killing his Mother and family as they sleep.....
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Avi : ... the only way these guy's stop is consequenses.

  well consequences (like beating them) whith spychos brings new consequences (at 32 plavlov's reflexs would take time to take place - and even from a little kid you nevers know where beating him can lead at the end - the anger stays and plays it's part in futur reactions).

  And who's more spychomaniac ? HIM !!! He is the one who won't take a sec to think about how to beat you to not kill you ... (cause he is not able too)
  
  the first good step is psycho help ... (now when it's time to defend myself or mine when there is no choice ... well I will ! but I don't think Six was saying the reverse) ... he just put the emphasis on the part that we should not forget that the guy is sick and somehow he is not the first responsible - the anger should not be against him, but towards those who made him the way he is and do not help him and protect themself in the right way.(if possible, when possible)
• 

  avishai

  FBF, in this situation, I think that the wife should've pressed charges. Psychopath's are extremely rare, though, and usually do their abuse in private. I believe this man is simply abusive and "enabled to abuse". Psychopaths and sociopaths are usually that way from birth or a very young age, not "made.

  I ahve worked with violent people for much of my life, and know when NOT to attack people, even though I myself have a closed head injury, it is severe enough to have caused seizures, and effect my emotions. And, there is a point wheninjury or "personality disorder" is not an excuse. That point is when someone is violent. At that pointHe need's locked up first and treated second, to protect others

  Sixo, I owe you an apology after greater examination of your post, and not just because yer GF is a babe.

  Suppose he now wants some revenge himself. Who might he be able to hurt, that would represent you, but not be you (since now he's afraid of you)?

  If he's being enabled and you KNOW he's violent, don't be around him. Period.

  If you were actually protecting your partner of course, then a fight is certainly not "going too far".

  I agree with this statement. However I've seen many situations where standing up to a bully stops the situation, even if it was awhile after the situation.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Avi :

  I've use the world "spychomaniac" (not sure the word is the right one though) not psychopath - the difference (to me) is that for psychomaniac it comes from bad habbits (like he thinks that he have the right to act or react the way he did).
• 

  bull01lay

  Thanks for your comments guys - some interesting thoughts, and definitely things to ponder on.

  I think to be honest, one of the things that made me decide upon the action I took was when my wife told me she'd decided not to call the police, because of the 'upset' it would cause over such a minor hit... like many of you, I can see a future problem waiting to rear it's ugly head with him, and was in no mood to allow him to abuse my wife, no matter how minor. If it was purely revenge, I would have done far more damage than I did, and since that wasn't my intent, I used 'enough' force to punish, subdue and warn him of worse to come should he hurt my wife, or his mum, again.

  I feel 100 percent justified in my actions - If I get arrested for them, so be it. I have already spoken with the police, and they are very aware of his past violent tendencies, and other issues too.

  SixofNine wrote that if he had done something similar, you wouldn't read about it here. I think this is the perfect place to discuss it - I can't PM everyone, and wanted to know other peoples reactions and feelings, and the only way I can do this and get a frank and honest opinion, is here. My shoulders are broad enough for criticism, and I certainly didn't post in the hope of praise for my actions - I personally don't feel it was a 'smart' thing to do, but I do feel it was necessary. BTW, he has a personality disorder, he isn't mentally challenged. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing, but takes no personal responsibility.

  jwbot - that's an excellent suggestion, one that I'm seriously considering. I doubt that would hurt too much at the minute, as I guess I'm not welcome anyway!! Funny thing is, my wife and her sister had only been discussing his mood swings earlier that day, and his mum suggested that he should be on medication to 'even out' his temperament. She knows she has a problem with him, but just isn't prepared to swallow the bitter pill that comes with the admission that he is far from 'stable'. You can't help those that won't help themselves, but you can certainly make sure they're aware of the consequences should they vent their anger towards my family again!!!

  Thanks again everyone for your frankness.

  Bull!