I?m not sure where to begin in this story about my landlord, however I am sure that you will all be entertained by my plight. In the spring of 2002 I started dating a guy named Bruce that we met online. He was sweet, intelligent and employed, and we hit it off soon. The first time I asked him if it was okay to stop over one day, he informed me that it was fine, however he shared his house with a renter named Robert and two other co-owners, Kevin and Ed, who were also in a relationship with each other. Kevin was a person that took a special disliking toward anyone that crossed his path. Bruce informed me that Kevin was a terminally ill, gay fundamentalist Christian who forced people into having four-hour conversations with people as a means for disseminating their faults. Of the past three roommates that lived with Kevin all three of them left a bad mark on Kevin. I felt that as an easy-going guy it would be easy for me to deal with Kevin if I eventually moved in with Bruce. Well, eventually Bruce did ask me to move in with him, when roommate # 4 gathered his stuff and left without any notice when nobody was at home. Judging by how quickly his roommate left, I wondered how hard it truly was to live with Kevin. It was around this time I found out that Kevin spent a year in jail for assault. Eventually, I moved in with Bruce on Christmas Day 2002 after he informed me that he could not find anyone else to rent out the room (he told me how upset he was when his ?room for rent? listing was rejected by people who e-mailed him from different states who knew about Kevin). On the morning of my first day of living with Bruce, Kevin protested how loud I closed the doors (not loud at all). He gave me careful instructions on how every time I closed any door in the house it was to make a noise so quiet you couldn?t even hear it. This was a small matter to me so I took precautions in order to appease him. I can?t honestly say how many 4-hour conversations I had with Kevin, the hardest part about living with Kevin was no mater how peaceable person you were Kevin would keep a mental database of all the things you did wrong. He wouldn?t just tell you what you did, he would tell you the date, the time, where you were, what you were wearing, etc? My first major grievance was when he threatened to make my life a living hell when I didn?t say ?hi? to him enough. After a three-hour conversation (you have to understand, his arguments did last that long) in which he accused me of being ?socially-retarted? and ?anti-social? I promised to say hi to him more and In order to cover my backside with Kevin I kept a journal of the number of times I talked with him every week. It didn?t work, as was the case with another three-hour conversation in which he informed me that I wasn?t saying hi to him enough. I tried to make it up to him by suggesting that we go to a film festival ?sometime?. Even though I wasn?t specific, Kevin counted 30 days to the day of our conversation in which he informed that I didn?t follow through with my offer, and therefore I was a liar, and not be trusted, and he said he would question the genuine nature of ever single offer to do anything with him from here on out. When Bruce?s friend Donna informed him that she was giving away a 3,000 dollar table, I was approached by Kevin to get the table?..
(Stay tuned for Part Deux Next Week?..)