by bsylva 45 Replies latest social relationships
Also, if you have children, they will be told for five hours a week that all non-JWs are immoral and going to die in Armageddon, which they will also be told is going to come soon. If this includes you and important relatives such as grandparents, this can be very tough on kids.
Sorry it's such bad news. But someone has to tell you the truth about this, and they won't.
Including the ones that say all of YOUR Catholic family will likely be killed by a vengeful God at Armaggedon for not worshipping the "True God."
Actually the watchtower says your catholic family will die in a holy war fighting the beast of revalation. Which may or may not be comforting to you.
I am telling you the truth. There is a JW generation gap. The org is falling apart. So your best bet is to know her. You have to know where she stands. If she has gone throught this much trouble she may be okay. THe problem is there is a shortage of males in the JW religion. So she is forced to marry a non jw if she does not want to wait for a married JW to divorce.
You are a catholic so you dont have much of a problem understanding a religion where a group of old men declare something a sin regardless of what your educated oppion is. Look at John Kerry.
Since you are a male the watchtower will tell your JW wife she must prettymuch do everything you say to provide a good witness. The problem is this wears thin. It is more of a gimmick you soften you to become a jw. So for 2 or 3 years you may think this is the best marriage in the world. Until she starts complaining. Then she may freeze you out. She may stop having sex with you to persuade you. On the positive note the elders will order her to have sex with you or make her feel guilty for not having sex with you.
This can go etheir way. The inlaws are your only real problem. Many parents want a church wedding. They will probally be denied that if she marries you. So they may feel bitter about that. They may be concerned you two are having sex. You need to have a bible study with a critical eye. You need to learn about JWs from JWs. It is a parochial religion. Not because other people are lieing, but because you need to see the personal view point of the JWs in your area and their reaction to you. Some areas are more liberal than others. You will find many ex-catholics in JWs so that can help you or hurt you.
It may be less effort for you to just break explaining to her you don't want her to get in trouble or have to compromise her relationship with her religion or parents. In all truth if she is dating you right now it is obvious she does not really think a strict interpetation of the jw rules are working. You need to see which ones she values and which one shes does not. And as far as the blood issue it is such a joke right now it is not worth discusing. PM me if you wana know more about it.
My father-in-law was an elder and from the day he stepped down (because he had to work evening in wal-mart
to pay his families bills) his wife and congregation does not respect him the same (their marriage is in the brink, held by a string)
In this religion position and status is EVERYTHING.
what is my point?
Well, even if you convert to marry her, you will never be good enough because, you have to strive for spirituality (MS, eldership, pioneer, etc)
So, you cannot be a male plain joe JW! unless you do not mind people looking down upon you, and wife feeling bad when she's not invited to important
affairs because her husband is "weak"
All this information! I thank you all for taking the time to help me address my issues. please tell me more as i just cannot give up on her or our relationship...
bsylva
bsylva: What does this woman (is she your girlfriend?) thing of everything? What are HER thoughts about you, the relationship, the future and the religion??
dacheech RIGHT ON!
Being a jw is a piece of cake if you don't mind not bing in the club. I mean look at me. I have had people tell me they wanted to make me an elder so I should get with the program (I am not even a MS or a pioneer). This religion is all about status. If you were to get baptized today and go to the meeting every sunday, and turn in your 15 minutes of preaching every 6 months to stay on the books you could be treated worse as a full JW than you would be than as the catholic husband. So if you are worried about being treated like you are part of the group you will have to settle for the JW rejects of her hall. The JWs so desparate for a freind they ignore status.
This was good advice: "see how she feels about the rules, and bla bla bla" then
feel how she "WOULD" react to the scenarios you have been warned about here.
I am a MS, know too much, and have 35+ years.
I know what I would do to my daughter marrying a non-JW... But my wife? She's a little hardcore!
Some of the hard facts of your situation are probably things you do not want to hear, and I'm sure she has not told you. First of all, she has not been honest with you, if she had been, you two would not have taken your friendship to the point of being a relationship. She knew there was a pivotal catch and absolute condition to her love for you and did not share that with you from the beginning. If she had, you would not be here asking the question you have asked.
She may be a wonderful, beautiful, and a caring person on the outside, that, she may own for herself, but, her inside, her thoughts, beliefs, and overall thinking are not hers, but are owned by the watchtower publishing company. She has not told you that to love her and keep her, you have to eventually abandon your entire family and friends and replace them with hers. To love and marry a JW when you are not one, is asking to completely reprogram your mind to what the definition of love is.
Her parents couldn't care less how much you love her or how great you could provide for her or how well you may treat her. All they care about is how many hours you can eventually spend knocking on peoples doors giving out watchtower publications. That is their main concern in life. To them, handing out magazines means love, life and happiness and eventually a place in a fantasy world full of basketball sized grapes and a job burring all your dead friends and relatives after their loving god kills them all.
To a JW, love means letting your own child die if a situation where they may need a blood transfusion to save their life comes up and then refusing the blood. It also means turning your back on, turning your nose up to, and not even talking to your loved ones who do not agree with the watchtower's teachings. That includes, your parents, children, friends and siblings. Also JW love includes waiting for their mythical god to destroy all of mankind on this planet except for, well, the JW's. They sing and pray about how great it will be when everyone else but them are dead and birds are eating the eyeballs out of the dead carcasses. They also consider love as being involved in every little aspect of your personal life from sex to soup.
If that is how you want to redefine your own definition of love, life, science, religion, family, friends, and what you can or cannot watch on TV, knock yourself out. Who knows, she may be worth it.
One more thing, if you want to see how she really feels about truth, fairness and listening to both sides of an issue before making a judgment, tell her you came here and see what she says. Her reaction will tell you just how completely close minded and brain washed she is. After that, you can judge for your self and have a new perspective on your situation. My suspicions are, she will tell you not to come here and only listen to her and her parent's side. That should open your eyes a bit. That may not be her fault, she was probably raised in the cult and hasn't been allowed to think for herself. They do that with all their kids, thinking for yourself is highly frowned on, just ask her.
Good luck,
Dave
Thanks Dave!
bsylva,
You're welcome. Sorry I had to be so blunt. I was a JW when I had my non JW girlfriend convert her life over to being a JW for me, We loved each other very much. After we married and she spent a little under a year discovering the things I just told you, she left me. I lost the love of my life because I did not have a clue what real love meant. That was 25 years ago. I still miss her.
Take care,
Dave
