Please help! ( I have a question?) (page 4)

shamus

But i want her to be happy and not have to choose between her family, myself and our beliefs. How do i make things right to get there blessings

There is no way unless you become a baptized witness. No loopholes, not funny buisiness, nothing. Once you're in, you're in baby! And woe to you if you ever question they're beliefs. You'll be out on your ass, so to speak.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea. You can either take this one with lots of baggage, or throw it back and get another one. And when I mean baggage, I mean laced with problems that will probably haunt you for the rest of your life.

Good luck on your decision. But don't take some idiot's advice over the internet as absolute truth, either.

shamus

fifi

I am curious about why she even started to date a 'worldy person' as this is not allowed?? Have you kept this secret from her parents this whole time?? Aren't you afraid that she is so attracted to you in part because you are 'the forbidden fruit'? You fall in love with each other and SHE knows the whole time that she is not suppose to marry an 'unbeliever'?

Hi there,

These are some good points brought out by Jez. In my own case, I had already moved away from home because I had doubts about the teachings of the organisation. I was lucky enough to meet someone (now my husband) who was able to help me through the whole thing with his gentle manner of reasoning/questioning. He really helped me to think for myself for the first time in my life.

If your relationship works out, be prepared ... it WILL be rough. It could be that she (knowing that 'wordly' relationships are foridden) is looking for a way out. If this is the case you should BOTH be aware that if she chooses you over her faith and family, it won't be easy for either of you. She will have a lot of sacrifices to make and you will have to be really understanding and supportive. If she is a baptized witness, things will be hell for her. I know, I've been there. From one day to the next, I was completely cut off from everything/everyone I had ever known (including my own family), no two ways about it. The people I had once called 'brothers' and 'sisters', 'aunties' or 'uncles' since I was a baby, just ignored me. All the people I called friends, weren't there for me and I had to make a new life from scratch.

In my opinion, the one who has to choose is her, not you. Be warned, you have too much to lose and she has everything to gain from freedom, but like I said, if it works out you will have to be strong many times and very often enough for the two of you. I don't know what I would do without my husband being there for me. Even now, 17 years later, it is still hard. I don't regret leaving, but I do miss my family. I can only hope that one day they will be able to see through the hipocrisy and have a change of heart.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Best Wishes,

Fifi

prgirl79

hi,

i have been there i dated an ex jw for 5 years, and it might seem harsh when others say to run, i know you must love her, but please listen. i ended up being hurt, angry, frustrated. it's not worth it you deserve so much better. this really is a cult. there will be a lot you will have to give up and you will never be the most important thing

fifi

Incidentally, you might like to visit the site 'beyond jehovahs witnesses'. Their list of topics also deals with being inlove with a witness. The link is often at the top of these pages. Hope this can help.

Fifi

jwbot

Here is the link bsylva:

http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/inlove.htm

bsylva

Hello Everyone!

Well i guess the plot thickens, yesterday i tried to have a talk with her. I thought maybe we could compromise our differences and maybe come up with some kind of solution for the both of us.

Well folks lets just say she wasnt even going to try. Apparently she had a discussion with her parents and well to make a long story short. They told her i was to aggresive for her in our relationship. I will not change and even if i choose to convert they still wouldnt accept me. I told her i was not going to convert into something i didnt believe in. I told her that i loved her, and that i was trying to understand all the concepts of our issues. I told her about this discusion board and how i asked my question? She said you all were apostates or something to that matter and she would not even listen or care.

So i asked were do we go from here, Im at a lost for words. She told me she needed time, and that right now she doesnt want us to be together. i told her i loved her and respected her request. She said she was sorry, grabbed some of her things that she left at my apartment and left without even saying goodbye!

All who has responded and commented on my post. I thank you for you words, concerns, views and comments. This is not an easy time for me. However all i can do now, is wait it out.

thank you

bsylva

outoftheorg

SORRY BSYLVA FOR HOW THINGS TURNED OUT. I CAN TELL THAT YOU ARE SOMEWHAT DEVASTATED AT THE SUDDEN CHANGE OF HER FEELINGS FOR YOU.

SIT DOWN AND PONDER HOW TERRIBLE THIS WOULD BE IF AFTER MARRIAGE AND LETS SAY YOU HAD A CHILD AND THEN THIS SAME SITUATION WAS FORCED ON YOU.

YOU FEEL DEVASTATED NOW? HOW WOULD IT FEEL THEN?

NOW THINK OF HOW LONG THE HURT WOULD LAST. IT WOULD BE FOR YEARS.

AT THIS POINT YOU CAN RECOVER AFTER A FEW MONTHS AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

AS OTHERS HERE HAVE SAID, THE WORLD IS FULL OF GOOD WOMEN. YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD AND HONORABLE MAN.

THERE ARE MANY WOMEN WHO WOULD GIVE THEIR ALL TO HAVE YOU FOR A HUSBAND AND FATHER OF THEIR CHILDREN.

BEST WISHES TO YOU MAN.

Outoftheorg

Nosferatu

I told her about this discusion board and how i asked my question? She said you all were apostates or something to that matter and she would not even listen or care.

You can tell her I'm not an apostate since I was never baptized. :)

Basically, an apostate (according to the JWs) is a person who has separated themselves from the JW religion, and now tries to get other JWs to leave by "telling outright lies and half-truths".

This, by itself, is a half-truth.

She told me she needed time, and that right now she doesnt want us to be together. i told her i loved her and respected her request.

If you want advice on this issue, I suggest you give her this request. Don't call her, don't talk to her, cut all communication with her. Leave her alone and do some casual dating to keep your mind off it all. Keep yourself occupied this way until she contacts you (she will). In this way, you set up what I call a "returning fox" scenario. She'll miss you. She'll wonder why you're not calling. This will test which is stronger; her love for you, or her love for the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society.

Women hate goodbyes. Women also need closure. I guarantee that is not the last contact you will have with her. However, let her do the contacting. The ball is in her court, leave it there until she figures out what to do with it.

cyber-sista

aloha bsylva,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You sound like a nice guy. I hope things will become clearer as time goes on for both you and the JW woman you are interested in. Like it was brought out earlier it is not you that has to make the choice but her. She cannot be with you if she wants to truly continue on in her religion. Even if you do marry she will never be fully accepted by other JWs because of her disobiedience for marrying a non-JW. Being involved with this Organization is one big heartache all around. Gather as much info as you can about the JWs, so you are clear about what you are getting in to. If they won't answer your questions directly it is because they have something to hide. Unfortunately you girlfriend has been hiding the truth about her religion from you. She may subconsciously want out, but this would mean the loss of all her JW friends and family. Many in the organization live double lives because of the confused mental state the religion creates. Wishing you well, stick around if you need to talk more. All the best to you,

cybs

Please help! ( I have a question?)

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