I am dating a man who is a JW and I am not. I attend a nondenominational church. I have never been baptized, but I do believe in God, Jesus, and do my best to study the bible and attend church. I found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and I had met, that he was a JW. Prior to him I have never been close to a JW. When I found out I asked him about it and he said "Yes, I am, but not practicing." Well, apparently his reason for saying he is not practicing is because he isn't perfect, but he has been raised as a JW and all beliefs are ingrained. I have read so much information and been to so many sites. When I asked him questions he was supportive and answered, until he saw that i was reading lots of criticizing information on the web. I want to be supportive and respectful of his faith,but I am having a hard time. There are things I read that he says he never heard of. At times I felt I knew more about his religion than him due to my research. I love him dearly and he loves me. I have felt more love from him than I ever have by a boyfriend. He does not expect me to convert. We have made this clear.
He was married for 8 years to a non JW. He has a 13 year old child with this person. His child lives with his ex. The child is being raised in two worlds. She attends service on occasion with her JW grandma, and when he goes, with her dad. He assured me that in his past marriage this was not an issue. The reason they divorced had nothing to do with religion. He worked a lot and they grew apart (which is causing issues for us as well). His ex celebrated holidays with her family and he didn't attend. He said I may not have him for those 4 or 5 days that are holidays, but I would have him for the remaining 361 or 360. I love him. We have our difficulties that any relationship has, but I am worried about marrying him and raising kids with this man. He says we will tell our children both of our views, and they can celebrate holidays with me. But if they chose not to do so, I need to respect it. I have no problem with my child making a decision like this based on facts they are presented, but I do have issues with my child(ren) believing their mom is a bad person becasue she does these things. I want to give them parties and celebrations with family so they will know the importance of family that I grew up with.
My family is very big on holidays. It is important time for us to be together and celebrate our love for one another. Yesterday was my 30 birthday. I knew he wasn't going to "celebrate" it with me, but I didn't even get a call to see how my day was going. It was hurtful. When I met him we were both out with a mutual friend for her birthday at a club. We were all invited b/c it was her birthday. I asked him if he would go eat with my friends next week (it will be a get together for my birthday but no cake no singing, just friends going out to eat). He said no. When I asked him why he did this for our friend 10 months ago, he said he was making mistakes and now he is trying to be better and since I am his girlfriend - I should understand. That really upset me. I can understand him not attending, I just don't like that he did it for others.
I know I am giving out a lot of information. Forgive me. I just saw how helpful all of you are and I needed to vent with some people who understand. Will this work? Are there any good stories out there? Or am I doomed to a life of difficulties? His family has no problem with him marrying me. His brother is an elder and is married to a non JW (although she may "play" the part at times). I don't want to be condemning of his religion. He is a good man who loves God and that is what I have been praying for. I just want to know if it will work. You hear stories about people from Catholics and Jewish faiths marrying and compromising on their beliefs- celebrating the best of both worlds and teaching their children both religions. However, it seems that when you are a JW, there is no compromising. You just don't do any of those things. And it seems if you are not a JW, then when you celebrate holidays or attend a church- you are doing bad things, since they are looked down upon. I find myself being very defensive at times because I feel, since I am celebrating my birthday or buying a Christmas decoration- he thinks it bad, so therefore I must be bad. I don't want my children to think I am bad. Please help.