Does niceness work to convert a cult member ?

kls

I am not talking about screaming at them but i know many talk of helping a person out of a cult with kindness. Has anyone really helped a cult member out with it ? My own experience kindness has just helped me get walked all over.

Mysterious

I think niceness on the part of wordly people and showing that they are not horrible like the watchtower made them out to be does help. But niceness alone is not going to be enough to convert them. However going on the offensive makes them become defensive and shuts down their ability to do anything but spit out more watchtower propoganda. There really is no good way to go about it.

onacruse

Wow, what a blast from the past!

I struggled with this very issue, and took serious and sincere odds with several posters.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/15/55016/1.ashx

(A word of warning: that thread got very heated--not for the faint of heart)

Personally, I'm still inclined, at least intially, toward kindness; but that thread opened my mind to see that there are times when harsh honesty, even what might be termed "brutal" honesty, is just what the doctor ordered.

I'll definitely be interested in the responses to this thread.

Craig

ballistic

"brutal" honesty

oh the bain of every honest man.

kls

I was not thinking honesty , what i mean is kindness for instance, ,,,,Wife i am going to my meeting now,,,,,,,,,Should the wife reply yes dear remember i love you . GAG

Should nothing be said ? If nothing is ever said won't this cult member feel all is alright with the wife and i can be a JW because she is ok with it.

Nikita

Hi kls, I kinda think it may depend on the relationship-if it is a family member, my own experience (my Dad was not a JW/Mom and my brothers and I were) was the more Dad would argue or debate us about our beliefs the the more resolve we had to "keep the faith." Now, maybe a close friend or work acquaitance might be able to be a bit more harsh and point out some things. Everyone is different, guess there is no "one way" to do it.

Nikita

Badger

It can very well, but it takes longer...

That's how my mom got me out...and how I will get my son out.

Insomniac

If anything will help get them out, it's kindness and honesty. What will frighten them even deeper into the cult is an angry, fist-waving handful of apostates holding up placards outside of an assembly hall. The only apostates I knew of back in Texas were of this type, and they confirmed everything the WTS had told us about apostates. If they weren't so scary, I might have talked to them, and maybe left earlier than I did- I could have had a few more good years on the outside.

Deep inside, a lot of people really want to get out, but they just need someone to guide them, or to provide a listening, nonjudgmental ear. By treating them with kindness and compassion, we can do so much to dispell this image they have of those of us who've walked away from the org. Maybe that's the first step towards helping them make the decision to leave.

onacruse

Insomniac, in my own experience, I agree with you.

My first sojourn into the exJW (mid-90s) brought me across H20. I read through some (really, just a few) of the threads, and all I saw was vicious anti-JWs viciously attacking other people, using language and personal denigration seemingly without limit. That was the last time I perused the net for exJW interaction.

All it did was confirm, for me, what the WTS has said for decades: "Apostates are vile people who, without God, have no purpose in life."

And thus my own extreme reluctance to join JWD...it took 6 months of very kindly and tolerant advice from a few close friends, who knew that the kindly way was the only way that I'd ever drop my guard. And I have thanked them all, many times, for their kindliness.

However, there still remains the fact that some people, whether by upbringing or temperment, are simply so "locked in" to a belief system (or a game) that only the most frontal of attacks (for example, calling them morons, idiots, etc), is the only way to get their attention, and make them think!!!!

Sincerely,

Craig

Scully

Well, love bombing has been known to be very effective in sucking vulnerable people *in* to cults, so if they have become disillusioned with their congregation because of the apathy or lack of love or downright meanness of some Brothers™ and Sisters™, showing a genuine interest can help to replace that void, and help them establish a trusting relationship with you where they don't feel judged or devalued or made to feel guilty about not doing enough.

I have found that being genuinely kind and only offering information that they ask about is essential. If you pile too much info on them all at once, it's too overwhelming and scary to realize that practically *everything* about the JWs has been a lie. "Baby steps" works for me.

Love, Scully

Does niceness work to convert a cult member ?

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