Does niceness work to convert a cult member ?

by kls 18 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jgnat

  My daughter, through kindness, led her teenage friend out of her JW study. It took her a few months, but the love paid off.

  On the other hand, KLS, I hear what you are saying, babe. I have seen woman doormats, trying always to turn the other cheek, displaying Christian kindness, only to see their own needs and desires ignored. I don't think Jesus' commands meant that we needs must be silent about our own desires. A marriage relationship may be the most intimate partnering we ever do. I find my marriage to be a lot more work than being a parent. At least as a parent, it was clear about who was in charge....me! A marriage relationship must be balanced, and both partners must feel free to talk about what is bothering them. Otherwise, the partner suffers.

  I do find that the same meek, mild presentation style that the JW's use to be most effective to get a JW to listen. That doesn't mean the words themselves have to be mild. I have delivered some of my most devastating comments in a mild and calm manner. This type of self-control is very much admired by JW's and ordinary people alike, so it has a good chance of being heard.
• 

  onacruse

  Scully:

  "Baby steps" works for me.

  LOL...reminds me of that movie What About Bob?

  And in that movie, who was it that that converted who, and how?
• 

  bavman

  i'm struggling with this very issue right now w/ my son. i have read both opinions & have had former dubs give me both opinions as well. seeing how my son is alot like me though i think the nice route is the best route until someone convinces me different.

  bavman
• 

  kls

  I think if it is a friend you have a better chance with kindness or even a child but in my experience with a spouse kindness only goes so far. Bav, with your son ,yes only kindness will help him see and learn when he is old enough.
  
  
  Jgnat has it right on the money ,kindness can make you a door matt for those who use people to their advantage especially in a spousal situation.
  
  
  I think kindness can only go so far after a time it is time to declare war. After a person has done all that a person can possibly do , sometimes is the only way out no matter how it ends. After war that is the final chapter in the steps , after that the help is done. It is to hard to fight a war when you are the only one.
• 

  M.J.

  I battle with the same types of issues myself, so I know how tricky the situation is. I am often unsure about how to react to it all, but I'm getting better. I always try to keep my JW wife's mindset in mind. I know that in her mind, to not fulfil her requirements to the organization is to turn her back on Jehovah. If I stand in her way, I am standing in between her and Jehovah. So I think a frontal attack on her day-to-day "obligations" will do more harm than good. What I do is I let her know that her devotion to such activities saddens me, although being the understanding husband I am, I will not prevent her from doing it. I think that in any case you should let your spouse know where you stand. This is one area you can be assertive about and demand respect for, just as you respect his position/obligations. I do think that there was an overall positive effect after I let my wife really know how deeply her engagement in her activities really does affect me. It's possible to open them up to be more empathetic, in spite of thier programming.
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  jgnat

  KLS, Remember the great crowd of witnesses described in the bible, people who have gone before, and stand in heaven cheering us on? Consider this board as your great crowd of witnesses who have gone before. You are gearing up for a courageous act. You are not sure if your plans will succeed. I walked away from an abusive husband, taking my two little babies with me. I never looked back.

  I am cheering you on in the background, lady. It is obvious from your posts that you are ready and able.
• 

  Preston

  I've always belived its best to counteract one screwing (of the JW kind) with another (of the sexual kind)....
• 

  Farkel

  : What has worked in your favor of helping a cult member ?
  
  First you take a baseball bat and bash them upside the head to get their attention. THEN you become nice to them. Otherwise, many of them WILL walk all over you.
  
  Farkel
• 

  BluesBrother

  Kindness alone will not convince anyone any more than it would have convinced one to become a dub. However I have tried to demonstrate that any personal qualities that I have are still there, within and not just following WT rules or "Holy Spirit's influence".

  The trouble with a quiet approach is that nothing happens. More distant relatives tend to view it as a subject that is not to be mentioned, the wife takes no notice, and the congregation could not give a damn. Unless I start to be more confrontational this state of limbo will drift on forever