Unfortunately this is not exclusive to JW's...custody battles are a huge part of seperations and divorce. With out more details its hard to understand if there is a valid reason why her children are kept from her.
My friends's son is being held from her within the borg
by Jez 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Jez
Ok, here are some more details...her and her husband decided to put their son at the boys' grandmothers for the summer while they were in the midst of getting divorced. While they sold the house, etc because it was very messy, as divorce is. They wanted to remove him from it all. This grandmother was my friends' mother. Anyways, the husband went down to the grandmother's house, and took the son back with him to his new house. My friend found out and did not freak out bec that is the kids' father and she had no idea that the big plan was to virtually 'kidnap' him and keep him away from her. The WHOLE family was in on this. They all suspected that she was leaving for another man and viewed her as bad assn, and kicked into gear.
She LEFT her hubby, not mutual, he was very angry and depressed, of course and bitter. Her son was the best tool to use agaisnt her.
Well, she was hoping to leave it all out of court and understood that her son was angry with her for 'breaking up the family' bec she is the one that left....and thought that through some time and letters etc, he would heal. He didn't, he became more vicious and hateful towards her the longer he was away from her. By the time she went to court to try to get even email access, the husband had the kid testify that he did not want to see his mother.
The kid is told, "SHE left us, now she can suffer" and the kid even said that to me when I tried to reason with him. JW mentality.
We know he is hurt, angry etc...all the terrible emotions that happen to a child when their home is destroyed, but to entirely cut her off, make her out to be some horrible person, is plain sick and even more detrimental to the child.
It is slowly being dealt with in court, but if the kid doesn't want to see her, not much a court can do. The husband and the JW family are in control.
I think she has lost her son in all of this, but am afraid it will ruin her. I'm at a loss of what else to tell her.
Thanks to all Jez
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jgnat
I helped single parents for years. I will tell you a little secret about the minds of teenagers, and what usually happens in situations like this. They don't see shades of grey, only black and white. For now, your friend's husband has the upper hand, having convinced the son that he is on the side of right. However, selfish parents rarely have the child's interests uppermost in mind, and eventually, the boy is going to be wronged. Hopefully at that stage, he will remember the good times, and give his mom a call. She will have to be prepared to take the boy at a moment's notice. I have seen this pattern repeated over and over. Eventually the responsible parent gets the child.
A boy of thirteen will likely be allowed to stay wherever he wants. The courts would probably insist, however, on visitation arrangements. It was very foolish of this family to try and cut things off altogether. Mom can help the situation along by being loving, balanced, avoid confrontation with her husband in front of the son, and when she visits with her son, concentrate on him.
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the mole
im going through the same thing. my family has rejected me because i have questioned alot of things they preach and the policies they want to inforce..i can say that most of what they expect is unrealistic and more of a burden.. if you have read any of my post you would see simular issues..if your friend needs someone to vent with i would be happy to volunteer...this site can be helpful for people like us...i used to post alot on the silentlambs site but the new editor seem to be more of participant than actual people wanting to be on the site...i can recommend other place to go also....the mole
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amac
thanks for the extra details...I don't think I can add anything more helpful than jgnat's post which was spot on.
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karategirl
Did her husband get custody? If they are still married then she has every right to go and get him. she needs to file for divorce first. This is important because then in order to change what she outlines in the divorce, such as custody, her husband would have to pay to hire a lawyer and contest it. He would foot more of the costs. If she doesn't have much money, check legal aid through the county. Most judges will be sympathetic to her case especially if her son is interviewed by the judge and he tells the judge what he has been told. Worst case scenario she only gets visitation. She can make the most of it and only hope that when he gets older he makes his own decisions.
good luck. (oh no I said luck, the demons are going to get me!!)
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avishai
She is dying inside bec they will not allow her to contact or see him and have turned him agaisnt her to the point where he now says that he does not have a mother.
Yep. I think carmel has a point
Sue for alienation of affection. That should shut them up. And not just the dad. The grandparents, elders, anyone who is talking shit about the mom. Sue them hard. Sue them fast, Sue them continuously. And sue for the house, and everything he has. Sue for custody, and deprogram that kid!!!!
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simplesally
Hope this works out, but this person needs an attorney real fast. Even the state provides for visitation. So what if its even monitored.
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William Penwell
I feel for her as I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago. My ex told my chidlren they couldn't have too much to do with me as I was DF'd. Things eventually have a ways of working out as they seen the religion for what it was and as they got older they didn't want anything to do with it. All the best to your friend.
Will