Hello

by WinterFalcon 30 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Country Girl

  Jared! Down Boy! hehehhe

  Country Girl
• 

  WinterFalcon

  Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the answers. I do need to clarify some things. I am not hoping for any kind of relationship with JJ, other than friendship. I was a little nuts there thinking he was attracted to me, but I do understand that he isn't. That's okay with me. I would like to still be his friend. We have been talking and developing a friendship for many many months, and it was only within the last couple of weeks that I found out about his being a JW, and about his affair. Our mutual friend told me that JJ was very embarrassed and uncomfortable about his situation and that is most likely why he didn't tell me about it.
  
  It's not my place to judge him for the affair. Yes, I think it's wrong, and yes, I would prefer it if he were not behaving in such a manner, but I would still like for us to have a friendship, if that is at all possible. I know so very little about JW's and their beliefs. It's hard to just take everything you read and process it, as it can go from wild hate directed towards the JW's and their beliefs to the exact opposite.
  
  I know that I should hold more disdain for him and his treatment of me, but I've always felt that it's when things are the worst is when your friends need you to stand by them the most. Am I wrong or just plain foolish to feel this way? That is one of the reasons I wanted to ask for help, since I don't know if it's even possible for he and I to maintain a decent friendship as I don't know anything really about the JW belief's and how they deal or are taught to deal with others. I know that I don't want to give up on a friend without giving it my best to make the friendship work, and I don't want to ever look back and say ..."gee, I wish I had tried"... or "if only I'd stuck it out"....you go that extra mile for a friend.
• 

  WinterFalcon

  Jared ~ LOL, thanks for the welcome. You are correct, my situation is weird. It seems that is to be the theme of my life here on this planet. LOL, it's okay though, I don't mind having an interesting albeit difficult life, as it keeps me on my toes.
  
  As for my carnal desires, and your thinking you can satisfy me, well, maybe I'll pm you for details sometime!
• 

  jgnat

  I think JJ is a convenient crutch to avoid dealing with the realities of your life. Frankly, I think JJ is using you for the same reason. Many JW's deal with the pressures of their religion by living double lives. JJ has his double-triple life down to a fine art. He has cooled down the friendship? If I were you, I would use this time to cool things down too. And find some flesh-and-blood friends.

  he never meant to give me the impression that he was interested in me, and that I was misreading things...so was I ?

  No, he said this to shift blame, something JJ is practiced at.

  Some here have suggested you spend more time with your children. I would like to modify this advice slightly. WinterFalcon, I think you need to get back in to the dating scene, even though you have had a couple bad strikes. You have been alone for seven years, I went twenty. I swear I waited far too long, and near the end there, I was getting a little weird. Don't wait too long.
• 

  Stefanie

  Welcome!

  I dont think you can be freinds with him. Its better just let go.... I read your article with intrest! I met my current husband online. Everything was cool for about a year, then he turned out to be an ass potato!

  He is game lazy, inconsiderate, he lied about his past MJ habit, emotionally retarded, I could go on.....................

  Just be careful ok.
• 

  Stefanie

  Oh and stay away from jared he is always horny!
• 

  jaredg

  Jared ~ LOL, thanks for the welcome. You are correct, my situation is weird. It seems that is to be the theme of my life here on this planet. LOL, it's okay though, I don't mind having an interesting albeit difficult life, as it keeps me on my toes.
  
  As for my carnal desires, and your thinking you can satisfy me, well, maybe I'll pm you for details sometime!

  you know my parents always taught me that there is more pleasure in giving than in recieving...i must admit they were right!

  stephanie....SHHHHHHHHHHH
• 

  Odrade

  Hi WinterFalcon. Some good advice here, you seem to be using this liaison with JJ to escape getting out and doing something.

  I agree with Stef when she says she doesn't think you can be friends with JJ, but would like to modify it to say, I don't think you ARE friends with JJ. I think YOU are HIS friend, but I don't think he is yours. He obviously doesn't value or trust you enough to share personal details of his life. I couldn't say if that's because he's playing you, or because he tends toward being secretive either. He's getting an ego-stroke off of you. I have to wonder what else he is getting in his personal life... maybe an escape? Maybe bragging rights about his 40 y.o. he is stringing...

  I am 33, I have friends that are very young. We trust each other. They don't minimize my "adult" problems, I listen to and validate their "young" problems. We are not relationship confused, they are my friends, and they aren't an ego-stroke to me, nor am I to them. There is measurable value to the friendships. Yet, we all have our own lives. They look to their age group for most of their social activities, and I to mine. If the groups merge, that's okay too, but I am not dependent on them. They aren't on me either.

  I think, more than anything, it would be helpful for you to find a bit of reality check. Get out to the gym, join a book club, do some group dating, there are organizations for that. Take a class at the community college. Do some volunteer work for teen activity groups. It might help you get some perspective.

  JJ displays an ability to manipulate that is pretty "mature." I know 40 year old men who are not that clever. He has demonstrated some times of possible genuine caring, but displayed against his other behaviour, can you say for sure that it wasn't just more manipulation? I know you don't want to think that.

  Think really hard about how much of a friend JJ actually is to YOU. Not how you feel about HIM. Then you can see where to go from there. Aside from all of that, there is the JW issue, but I think you have more relevant things to deal with right now.

  O
• 

  Nosferatu

  I know that I should hold more disdain for him and his treatment of me, but I've always felt that it's when things are the worst is when your friends need you to stand by them the most.

  I'm still surprised that you refer to him as a "friend" when he was leading you on. By allowing yourself to remain in contact with this person, you keep subjecting yourself to all his qualities that made you feel attraction for him. If you remain in contact with him, you'll just keep on subjecting yourself to the frustration and heartache that he has already caused you. If you cut ties with him, you are no longer subject to any personal problems that involve him.

  Sorry, I just can't see any JW issues here. It's all male-female relationship issues.
• 

  Seeking Knowledge

  WinterFalcon:

  Like you I am "lurking" for answers. My advise to you is RUN do not walk to your nearest exit. I was reading your initial post and it almost mirrors my experience with my JW. Only I did let it get too far and ignored the signs & lies and we now have a son. He's remarried and back in the flock and I'm dealing with the fallout with the kid & his father telling him my beliefs are wrong. Anyway, he's lying to you, I agree with the other posts, he's leading a double life and believe me, he'll go back and you'll be dropped like a hot stone. It's not worth it, I can attest to that...tell him nicely to piss off and delete him from your list. No good will come of this, and you cannot be a friend to someone who will not ask for it, but will take as much as he can get. Besides, you are much better than this...you deserve much much better than he will ever offer you.

  Good Luck!!