My experience is, if you want to keep rapport, never speak of religion or anything about the Witnesses with a Witness, or with anyone who was once a Witness, unless they bring it up, and then with extreme caution.
The Witnesses remind me of a paranoid schizophrenic who can be set off with as little as a glance. They are as a group, emotionally fragile people, unable to handle reality or facts, and they often go into rage mode if confronted with information that disagrees with the publishing corporation's claims or policies.
For me the temptation was to tell all I found out to my brother and to my parents and inlaws that I cared for. That action of mine disintegrated those relationships and they are un repairable and forever lost. Nothing was gained by it. If I hadn't done that, at least they could have accepted living help from me. Now they can't.
My advise is to treat Witnesses like they are mentally retarded or schizophrenic. GaryB
I need some help
by New Castles 17 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
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Carmel
Detachment my friend! If you come across the least bit empassioned, you'll loose them. Be matter-of-fact and subtle. Pick your battles carefully and hit-an-run with coy comments intended to elicit thought, not response..
no threat, just a constant drip,drip,drip,drip
carmel
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cyberguy
Hey dude,
Sorry to hear about your troubles! Lots of folks on this board are going through or have had similar experiences. You might want to sit back and let your family ask questions rather than try and teach them the "real truth." I know what you?re going through, because I?m having similar contentions with my JW family; the tendency is to speak out!
Regarding your wife, do you still love her? If so, why not try and reconcile? Over time, by your conduct (Christian-based?), you might win her over! If you?re trying to do the "slow-fade-thing" then consider just not talking about your feelings, just say you have certain "reservations" (except here on this board of course) about the (supposed) "truth." Also, I found that it helps to find (x)JW?s who are willing to listen at times. Anyway, hang in there! PM me if you want to just talk on the phone sometime.
Warmest,
Cyberguy
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MerryMagdalene
Hey, New Castles,
I'm sort of in the same boat. I've been working on a letter to my JW mother to try to explain to her why I am hesitant and uncomfortable when she tells my 3 year-old "You should have your mommy bring you to the KH on Sunday" or when she repeatedly mentions wanting me to leave the wee one with alone with her for longer and longer periods of time. It's a very awkward situation, so I am trying to prepare a response for when she increases the pressure. But it's not something I want to present to her unless I am backed into a corner. I've been DFed for several years but she has maintained some contact with me as I gave birth to her only biological grandchild.
My letter turned out to be 7 pages long even after whittling and whittling it down and I'm not sure I've been able to remain totally objective, detached or dispassionate. But I am trying. I know she will probably be extremely upset (JWs really do seem to be quite fragile and unstable as Gary B said) and will probably turn a deaf ear to any good points I make, but I don't know what else to do.
I based my letter, first of all, on my love for her and for my daughter and, secondly, on a 2001 Watchtower 2-article set entitled Is There a Sound Basis for Your Beliefs?, showing how important it is to, basicly, "make sure of all things." Then I bring up certain points about neutrality and blood transfusions and false prophesy that I find truly troubling. But I do need to continue refining it with a view to some of the helpful points given in the above posts, and I don't want to bring it up myself unless I'm willing to face the potentially unpleasant consequences.
Wishing you wisdom, compassion, and the strength to move forward with or without your loved ones who choose to remain seperate from you...
MM
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Black Sheep
It seems to me, that the only way to talk to them is to do it while you are are JW in good standing.
I might have a wee bit of a problem conjuring up that image, but you may be able to do it if you get back in for a while.
There was a really good thread not so long ago about someone bringing their family out, but I can't remember who it was.
I have searched for it and come up empty. Maybe it was a link.
Anyone remember???
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Black Sheep
Amazings story
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hooberus
I posted some points on the below thread which may be helpful in your situation of deciding how to initially proceed.
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New Castles
Thanks, that proved most helpful...