by Funchback 65 Replies latest jw experiences
I remember when I first Googled "Jehovah's Witnesses".
I was sick to my stomach because I feared that I was disobeying Jehovah. Although I was scared that I would find something "apostate" or "demonic", I still continued to click on different links.
Still, I felt an enormous sensation that I was willfully disobeying God.
That was nearly (3) years ago.
Now, I don't even fear (or believe) in demons or so-called apostates, and I am just as happy as I have ever been!
Oh gaaaawd.... I remember that moment!
Heart beating fast, hands shaking, terrified that someone might stumble upon my computer's history and see where I had been.
After browsing I immediately downloaded a privacy program designed to purge the computer history and made sure my computer was as "clean" as possible.
But then I went browsing again.... and later again.... in time I became much more emboldened and confident. Now I hang out here all the time!
there was no Google back when I first started browsing the internet. My point of reference for all anti-Watchtower info was Miningco. The first site I visited was Support Group for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, run by a girl named Tishie. I read all the stories on the board, but I couldn't browse much else (like the message board) cause I was on a 14.4k modem.<chuckling to myself . what great memories.> Then I discovered Freeminds. It was all downhill from there.
the first time i searched jehovah's witnesses was way back in 1995, on yahoo or webcrawler, when i was still a jw.
Remember as clear as yesterday......
Was constantly looking over my shoulder to see if my staunch JW wife would walk in and see what I was doing, seeing as cruising the internet for infomration on JWs other than the official site was tantamount to inviting Satan himself into the house. Was so paranoid about it at first that I set up seperate profiles so she wouldn't accidentally "stumble" on to what I'd been doing.
Right now.....I could care less. She knows I cruise poztate sites, so, she never uses my personal laptop computer. Wouldn't want to get any deminz coodies on her I guess. We have several around the house, one she's claimed for her own.
Once my BIL was over my house and he happened to pick up my computer and start cruising. He went to Kent's old site, I think it was WT observer or something, and proclaimed,"Hey...they have Russels will on this site"......you could've cut the air with a knife as his JW wife moved in closer to see what he was up to. He got real quiet and didn't speak to me much after that that particular day, but later told me, in confidence, that he considered himself da'd and that he sometimes read criticism of the Soceity, but, keeps it to himself because his wife would not understand.
He hasn't spoken to me about it since though.
I do remember the first time, I was so scared thinking OMG this is demonic!! I kept going in and coming out of the websites...until I got braver!!
I do remember the first time I googled JW's, but i was publicly reproved for "loose conduct"
I was trying to find her 'button', but my 'search' yielded no results
Yup!
The trembling hands; the accelerated heartbeat; the constant looking over the shoulder; the "clearing" of your internet history.
Now, most of us can look back and laugh at there things.
We DID try some interesting 'links', though
