How I Became a JW

by philo 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  philo

  When I began to study with JWs, I deluded myself into believing I was pursuing truth, when I was pursuing a closer relationship with my Dad. I suppose keeping him happy by joining his new club didn't seem cool to me as a teenager, when I was meant to be rebelling from his authority. But having had so little to share with him emotionally, or intellectually for most of my upbringing, this seemed too good an opportunity to pass up. So I attended meetings wearing all black -- that was a real attention getter.

  Then I started to meet lots of new people, the love bomb detonated, and that gave me another reason to continue my 'search for answers'. There were always a few people ready to tell me about truth, about new aspects of the bible I never knew, and even though these sometimes conflicted with my understanding of the bible, (and I knew my bible quite well even then) these views were NEW and interesting. However, the more closely I centred my life with the congregation, the more I found truth to be NOT the issue.

  Only after I got baptised did I fully realise what the issue really was. The realisation that my ass belonged to an organisation, my whole social life, my income (I worked for a bruvver), my goals, everything was theirs. Only now did I begin to ask really awkward questions, and I also began to write as well, awkwardly. There was a security in being a full-up labelled JW, but there was a curious insecurity in there too. Previously, difficult questions were welcomed by brothers, but now I was baptised, the idea seemed to be that I should now move on to answering instead of asking Mostly that is what I did. So here started the suppression of thought.

  I tried to harmonise my motives, to construct for myself a noble narrative. I wanted to believe that I had integrity. If I was in the truth for my Dad, was this so wrong? Sure there was Make the truth your own, but what did that really mean except do as you are told in theWatchtower? So I told myself I was serving the organisation to get closer to my father, AND my heavenly father Jehovah.

  This actually worked well as a rationale because my father was very like Jehovah. He could be loving and intimate, hateful and vengeful, inconsistent, sullen, sometimes happy, mysterious, challenging, creative, and self obsessed -- just like the God of the bible. And there was always Mom (I never really had a mother) to run back to, the Organisation. She was consistent, I thought, she was kind, understanding of human frailty, I thought, she gave me down to earth goals: books, territory, assignments, status. "Mother organisation" loved husband Jehovah so much she would tell little lies about him, would make him out to be greater that he was, pretend he was always right, forgive his obvious neglect. The perfect family!

  I still havn't said what the issue really was, as it clearly was not truth, of course it was loyalty. And family loyalty was the way I thought about it.

  Did anybody else rationalise their 'faith' in this way as a JW?

  philo
• 

  Englishman

  Philo,

  I can understand the "Father" thing. As kids our mothers are the all important entities, dad sort of comes in later and we seek his approval pretty well for the rest of our lives.

  The sad part comes when, to get his approval, we have to become good little dubs. Our personality goes out of the window, suddenly we realise that dad is judging us solely on our performance as a witness.

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  hippikon

  answering instead of asking

  Interesting - Now that I think of it that was my turning point. Not that I decided it was the truth but that I wanted it to be the truth. I stoped asking and started answering.
• 

  Alternative

  You are mostly all mad here....

  philo you really have a weak character.
  you let a lowly uneducated person "make" you believe
  something you don't want too.

  I feel this website is mainly for unsteady persons
  and that is why I visit very seldom.
• 

  hippikon

  I also remember thinking to myself - At last - something that deserves my undivided loyalty. I truly noble ideal worth fighting and dieing for. (I had always seen the folly of supporting governments run by selfish egotists that can send people to fight in foreign wars and then let its citizens starve to death)
• 

  hippikon

  Alternative: Sometimes its a fine line between madness and brilliance. I sujest you think a bit more.
• 

  Englishman

  Alternative,

  I can't see the point of your post. To say Philo has a weak character indicates to me that you have never read his stuff. What he ain't, Matey, is a sensationalist!

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  neyank

  Hi philo,
  Interesting points.
  I'm sure there are many that became JWs to make parents happy.
  I wonder how many became JWs because the study conductors were such good salespeople?
  When we were going door to door,was it really to tell people of God or was it to sell the
  orginization to people?
  I remember hearing at the meetings that the most important thing was to get the prospective
  converts to the meetings. That that's where they will learn the most.

  Anyone ever notice that once the convert gets baptised the study conductor drops them
  like a hot potato? It's because they did their job.
  They sold the org. to the person and now they're on to selling to someone else.

  Alternitive,
  Do you really feel that we are all mad here?
  If this website is mainly for unsteady people, why are you here?

  neyank
• 

  philo

  Alternative,

  In contrast to your handle, you have just revealed one of your own weaknesses, that you have no alternative view to offer. You wrote

  :You are mostly all mad here....

  Well, I am often called that. I don't think it's true, but I do think its a very boring, uneducated put down. And then...

  :you really have a weak character, philo,

  ...which is something I have just described with some care. Another bit of alternative thinking? Not. Yawn.

  :you let a lowly uneducated person "make" you believe something you don't want too.

  I certainly did not call my father lowly or uneducated! In fact I compared him to Jehovah. Can you read very well? Or do you read alternatively, missing out key words and ideas?

  My father was an extremely accomplished self-made businessman and a talented cabinetmaker, he could do cartwheels and backflips at the age of 48, and he died doing what he loved, which was flying his plane.

  And he did not "make" me become a JW. I described the path which I chose, for the reasons I gave, to achieve closeness with my father. That is not the same thing.
  
  :I feel this website is mainly for unsteady persons
  and that is why I visit very seldom.

  He who thinks he is standing beware... You show such an astonishing range of negative qualities, I haven't time to list them.

  Fred Hall where are you? Freddie, lets have some steady personable abuse instead of these self-styled "alternative" observations.

  philo
• 

  hippikon

  Alternative: I detest cowards that come along and take personal swipes and disappear.