Body Image and Little Girls

by Princess 51 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Princess

  When my daughter was born, I knew I'd eventually be having discussions about dieting and body image. I thought it would be around 12-13 years old. Imagine my shock at her calling herself "fat" and "ugly" at five years old. This from a child who has heard how beautiful she is from strangers every day of her life.

  Who knew how cutthroat and competitive Kindergarten girls are? I certainly didn't. A thousand strangers calling her beautiful just can't compete with one five/six year old telling her she is fat and has ugly hair. She is tall and thin with beautiful curly red hair and big brown eyes. It made me ill to hear her say these things.

  Just last week was picture day at school. Zoe wore a beautiful black velvet dress that has a little jacket that goes with it. It was cold so she was wearing the jacket but honestly the dress is much prettier without it so we decided she shouldn't wear it for the picture. One of her friends hops off the bus and comes running over to show Zoe her picture outfit. We told her it was pretty and Zoe took off her jacket to show her friend her dress. She asks me "Are those spaghetti straps? We aren't allowed to wear those." I said, no, it's sleeveless and she can wear it. So she tells Zoe she thinks she should wear the jacket because it's prettier that way. Of course it's not and anyone with eyeballs can see that. She kept picking at Zoe's outfit until Zoe started to cry. Goddammit that makes me mad. The week before this same girl told Zoe she shouldn't wear such big earrings and she didn't think they were allowed. Next day she told her she shouldn't wear such big temporary tattoos. She's six for Chrissake! How do you explain catty jealousy to a child without creating more problems?

  Anyway, yesterday I read an article about the prevalence of eating disorders amongst runners. (believe me, I don't have one) The article stated that psychologists believe a seven year old with body image concerns who talks about dieting and being fat is suffering with disordered thinking.

  WTF? Is my daughter predisposed to eating disorders? What would the psychologists think of a five year old with body image concerns? I know for a fact if she didn't go to school and wasn't exposed to the competition, she wouldn't be talking this way. So, is disordered thinking hard wired from birth? or is it environmental?
• 

  Stefanie

  This makes me mad. You know it comes from her parents. The poor girls parents are probably so damn nit picky.

  I have a step daughter the same age as my own. When she was twelve she would make herself throw up when she thought she had eaten too much.. Where did she get this attitude? Yup! From her Crazy ass mother! The dirt bag told her that her dad (my soon to be ex) left her because "she was fat"... Which was not the case cuz he used to be just as heavy.

  Some parents suck, and its a shame when their poor parenting skills affect our innocent children!
• 

  Fe2O3Girl

  Yikes, Rachel! It sounds like Zoe has found a little friend with some serious issues. It is a shame that she has come up against such a jealous little madame at such a young age. Can you try discreetly to keep this creature away from Zoe? I can only imagine her "disordered thinking" has come from a seriously messed up mother or relative.

  I think that body image issues are environmental. Little girls want to be grown up, and the images of grown ups that are everywhere are of very thin, airbrushed perfect models. Even their toys are unattainable - if Barbie were life sized, she would be 6'2" and weigh about 100lbs.

  I never thought about my bady shape until I was 10, when I had a jealous little friend who informed me I was "podgy".

  Zoe has the advantage of having clued up parents. You have seen what is happening. You can discuss with her the difference between healthy eating and fad dieting, and that ultimately, what makes us worthwhile people is how we treat each other, not waist measurements.
• 

  Corvin

  When my oldest daughter was 15 or 16, she is now almost 18, I found websites saved to her "favorites" folder regarding bolemia, anorexia, how to get skinny, etc. She had a small collection of "how to" information for getting thinner. I knew instantly what it meant and why she was looking into it.

  I took action right away and we talked about body image, genetics, eating disorders and stuff. I also threw away all of those bullsh*t teen and fashion mags that promote such unrealistic body image ideals. It worked. She is now happily her cute, medium build, never gonna be a hot supermodel self. She has a great bf who is a bit chunky, but to her, so handsome and lovable. She is good.

  Whatever you do as a parent, make sure you talk to your kids about these things.

  Corvin
• 

  Princess

  You know, last year it was a different girl. Same stuff, different girl. They are all pretty little girls, why the jealousy? I know the parents and I really don't think it is their fault.

  I had to sit down with Zoe last year and have a discussion about big thighs. She insisted her thighs were "huge". So I pointed to my own and asked her what she thought. "Hmmm, yours are huge too". I asked if I was fat, she laughed..."no". I told her if I didn't have big thighs I wouldn't be much of a runner. She got it and hasn't brought up fat thighs since.

  The focus around here is healthy eating and lots of exercise. I don't make an issue of it...I just practice it and hope my kids follow.
• 

  Princess

  I fully expected it at 15 or 16 Corvin, I was just shocked to be discussing it at five and six.

  We get lots of magazines around here:

  Shape, Runner's World, Muscle and Fitness Hers, Sport Diver, National Geographic, Mother Earth News....

  I think we are OK on the mag front. Fashion magazines don't do much for me.
• 

  Markfromcali

  Beliefs about the body and the psyche, it's all just a matter of hanging on to an image of how things are supposed to be.

  As simplistic as it may sound, you can just make the point that's just what her friend thinks. (and that's probably because what someone else told her) And of course just because some psychologists think it's a mental disorder, in general, it doesn't mean that is what is going on with her. In a way the real disorder is to hang on to what other people think, atleast as an adult. Children will naturally be more vulnerable. I don't see any reason why you couldn't start pointing out that the opinions of other people doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot. Even if this issue is resolved there might be something else she's told somewhere down the line, it seems it would be a good lesson to start on whatever the age.
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  cruzanheart

  Yep, same here -- Jennie got the "you're fat" thing from a pudgy girl two years ago in 3rd grade. Funny how it means so much coming from peers as opposed to parents. They were talking about their tummies sticking out, so I casually mentioned that to our pediatrician on the next visit and he explained to Jennie anatomically but simply how a young girl's body grows and that the body fat is necessary to her growth. And as she grew and lengthened in her torso I pointed out that the tummy was disappearing -- naturally. Now she seems to be more confident in herself, which I'm sure will disappear when puberty hits, and very opposed to the "girly girls" in her class, which include that same girl from 3rd grade.

  Nina
• 

  LyinEyes

  Princess, I am sorry your daughter and you are going thru this,,,,,,,,,but ya know,,,,,,,watching kids all around our neighborhood,,,,,,it is a constant happening. The kids all rag on each other about something,,,,,,,,someone is chubby, someone is short, someone has freakles, someone has frizzy hair, and on and on it goes. I talk to my kids all the time about not making fun of others , and not to take seriously when someone attacks a certain point of their appearance. My daughter has very curly , gorgeous ringlets,,,,,,,but she doesnt always want to work on her hair, it is a handful and she gets picked on all the time....but she seems to have a good body image so far and doesnt seem to mind when the kids , especially the boys pick on her about her height. ( Usually she just kicks their butts!!!!!!)

  She was very young the first time I heard her say she needed to go on a diet.........but it was just words, she had and has no real intention on going on a diet, she loves to eat. I think that as mothers, we have to just watch them very carefully thru the years and watch for real signs of an eating disorder. My daughter has two of her beloved aunts that have eating disorders and for one, it came down to almost death for one of them. I have always been very open about this disorder with my kids,,,,,,,and especially Kelly because girls hear from such a young age, from other females,,,,,,,mother, mother's friends, sisters, their friends, so many times about how everyone wants to lose weight.

  I think that really young girls , hear the " I need to go on a diet" speech that it just becomes one of those things that little girls indentify with growing up,,,,as most teenage girls and Mom's say this. I know I have sooooo many times. I think we really have to teach the girls that starving , not eating is not the answer,,,,,,,,and that food is a wonderful thing,,,,,,,it is too nourish our bodies, make us grow tall and beautiful,( as I tell Kelly) and that you should eat good good , healthy choices and not eat too much junk.

  If a young girl has her immediate family and close friends telling her she is wonderful and beautiful and perfect just the way she is,,,,,,,she should be a balanced young woman later on when the time to watch food choices will be more important.

  So many young girls are told how beautiful they are , and that is great,,,,,,,but young girls need to be told from a early age that they are smart, funny, athletic, etc. just as much . That way they don't just focus on the outward appearance of themselves as the sole sum of who they are as a person.
• 

  StinkyPantz

  When my oldest daughter was 15 or 16, she is now almost 18, I found websites saved to her "favorites" folder regarding bolemia, anorexia, how to get skinny, etc. She had a small collection of "how to" information for getting thinner. I knew instantly what it meant and why she was looking into it.

  The above gave me flashbacks. I used to frequent a website called Anorexic Nation. It was touted as being the biggest "Pro-Ana" or Pro-Anorexia site online.

  Scary..

  --

  Princess-

  Hmm.. having suffered from an eating disorder and always having major body image issues, all I can say is that it wasn't because of external forces. I felt as if my life, in general, was out of control, but eating (or not eating) I COULD control.. so I did.

  Make sure you point out (very often) to your daughter how beautiful she is INSIDE and out. If she feels good about herself (on the inside), hopefully this other child won't affect her so much. She needs to love herself.. help her see why she should.