Should I tell her...................

by vitty 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jez

  Don't tell her. Why? What would be the point? You will only confuse her and hurt her. Why buy into the borg's ideology that if you are leaving/if you have committed a 'sin'/if you have do ANYTHING agaisnt what they preach, that you must CONFESS, TELL ALL. Your spirituality is between you, your husband and God. It is no one elses business what you do with it. If she ASKS someday, then that is different, you could brush it off with, "Oh that, well your father and I are doing some serious thinking." I personally would never let the organization and their stupid rules jeopordize my relationship with my daughters. Don't let them! Just live your life and when it comes to religion, skirt the issue. Or feed her with information very very very subtly after the wedding day.

  My regret is that I did not keep my mouth shut more when I was not df'ed. I thought the elders and everyone had a right to know what was going on in my life. They don't. I wish I had never bought into that whole idea. Their true nasty colors come out when you are opposite to what they think you should be, not their love and understanding. Sadly, your daughter is lumped in with them and will feel she has no choice but limit contact. AND think of grandchildren someday. DO NOT ALIENATE yourself!!!!!

  Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...............shhhhh.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Brenda :

  You might broach part of the subject with asking her if she, deep down, has any inkling of a doubt about marrying him. Has she seen things that bring up any red flags? Tell her that you are asking these difficult questions because you have her best interests at heart. If she has even the tiniest feelings of mistrust or fear she should explore them, and you'd be happy to explore them with her.

  Come from the side that even if the wedding plans are fully in place and the invitations sent, that it is better to back out, rethink, even just postpone the wedding if she has any doubts, than to fully learn about her fiance after the wedding, and not have any way out (playing the JW's don't believe in divorce card).

  That's a very good idea ... (who knows) it's not like bullying ... It's just a warning that might help her to step back in time (now it all depends on how much she is attached to him nor affraid of not being able to get him back afterward if she step back !!!) but at least you would have done something ... to help before ...
• 

  cab1000

  NO !

  Reminds me of my life a little. My wife would say "tell her! Dont live like a hipocryite!" But I say, "Why cause trouble? and for what?" You probally wont change their minds, you will just make them "worry" about you, and your "eternal" life. I say do not tell them at all. In fact, feel free to lie about going to the meetings....
• 

  vitty

  Thankyou for all your replies,

  It really was my husband who wanted to tell her, he thinks because she loves us she would never shun us. She wouldnt if she was on her own but when shes married she wont have that option, it really makes me sad, shes now in a postion of really being in control, something she hates.

  But your all right, its too late to voice my concerns about the org.....The thing is I know she has concerns aswell but when your young and inlove that is all that matters, I just hope he is reasonable and loves her more than the org only then will they have a chance of being happy, in or out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Also I phone her nearly everyday making sure she can come to us with any worries, I have also told her even if its on the day and she changes her mind it will be fine with us. I suppose this is all I can do.