Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a prostitute and marry her.
(Hosea 1:1-3)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
(Moses--Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
(Benjaminites--Judges 21:19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep . Note: this will cost you.
(Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.
(Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
(David--1 Samuel 18:27)
Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone.
(It's all relative, of course.)
(Cain--Genesis 4:16-17)
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
(Xerxes or Ahasuerus--Esther 2:3-4)
When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a . woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
(Samson-- Judges 14:1-3)
Kill any husband and take HIS wife
(Prepare to lose four sons, though).
(David--2 Samuel 11)
Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.
(It's not just a good idea; it's the law.)
(Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
(Solomon--1 Kings 11:1-3)
A wife?...NOT?
(Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
bilbical ways to acquire a wife.
by candidlynuts 21 Replies latest social humour
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candidlynuts
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Tashawaa
This one isn't funny, but its biblical:
Rape a virgin. IF she's not engaged, pay her dad a sum of money. WARNING * you can't divorce her* (Deut 22:28,29)
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Happy Guy :)
The bible really is some sick shit. I mean there are some neat stories with historical stuff woven through (after the fact) but really to think that so many people of different faiths use it as some sort of guide in life is amazing.
Very funny thread.
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Happy Guy :)
oops double clicked
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Elsewhere
So that's what I've been doing wrong!
Anyone want to come hide outside a brothel with me? Make sure you bring your own net!
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Nancy Drake
Candidlynuts, you're awesome!
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candidlynuts
thanks nancy...
i did the work on finding a wife.. now someone post the biblical advice to catching a rich husband..
only one i can think of is sleeping at boaz's feet.. and i am not going there. mens feet stink.
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Tashawaa
now someone post the biblical advice to catching a rich husband.
Win the beauty contest (Esther 2:8-18)
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hillbilly
then drag the woman by her hair.... drag em by the ankles and they fill up with dirt............
Hill (techniqe is everything class)
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candidlynuts
ah hill...........you wouldnt happen to be single would you? lmao