The evolution of an exjw

by Marilyn 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Us and our neigbhours have a guy who trims our trees annually. He's a JW. For the last 2 weeks our neighbours have engaged him to pave their driveway. Let's face it, it's hard to resist a workman who arrives in an antiquated old truck, after 11am for a days work, and loves to stop for a skite at any opportunity. But you can't help liking this guy, who's a typical JW He's not stunningly bright, but 'salt of the earth' if you know what I mean! Well anyway I once told this guy that my family are Witnesses, but I haven't mentioned that I was disfed over 20 yrs ago. Why should I?

    Yesterday was real cold, so I took him out a cup of coffee, and as usual we got chatting. I told him my daughter was about to qualify as a doctor. Predictably he told me that soon God would do away with all sickness..... Just the thing you want to hear after you've invested in your kids medical education for six years! I treated the discussion with humor, which at times frustrated him. It was cold and I wanted to get inside as I had the feeling I was in for the long version presentation. I agreed that things were in a mess - though I didn't bother to argue that they were no more so than they've ever been. He explained that JWs have been predicting the end of this system of things for 90 years already. I wanted to say "don't sell yourself short - you've been predicting all manner of catastophes for 125yrs!" But instead I fixed my eyes on an area of grass and let him drone on passing up countless opportunities to take him to task.

    When I finally escaped, I pondered my lack of committment to putting him right. It was simply a decision based on previous encounters. I can't have a discussion with someone who doesn't have some level of committment to listening as well as talking. Normally if you tell someone a fact, like you can't use that glue on those tiles, because it doesn't stick to ceramics, the person is grateful and checks carefully for a glue that does stick to ceramics. But if you tell a Witness about the numerous dates that JWs have wrongly predicted stuff, they quickly dismisses it and even worse, they become suspicious of how you know such things. The information already trivialised, gets totally shelved in favor of finding out more about your status with the WTS. I've been thru all this before, and I've experienced the frustration of being told that they won't continue talking with me because I'm disfellowshipped. Yesterday I practised "live and learn" as opposed to my usual "live and don't learn", by letting this Witness ramble on at me unmolested. Instead of me walking away frustrated, I watched him get frustrated, as I chased my cat, made jokes, and generally acted like an airhead. I retrieved my coffee cup and went inside feeling good rather than annoyed beyond belief!

    Can you blame me?
    Marilyn

  • DannyBear
    DannyBear

    Hello Marylin,

    Always a pleasure to hear from you, sis.

    Recently I have had veritable rash of Jw visits. I have taken the same approach, you did. I accepted the mags, with no request for contribution or offer of any. They seemed just to be happy, that I didn't bite their heads off.

    Like you, I view them with a certain amount of pity, remembering vividly the many hours of door to door work I performed.

    But the one point you make really caught my eye:

    ***But if you tell a Witness about the numerous dates that JWs have wrongly predicted stuff, they quickly dismisses it and even worse, they become suspicious of how you know such things. The information already trivialised, gets totally shelved in favor of finding out more about your status with the WTS***

    Their facial expression and entire demeanor makes a sudden flip. Of course nowadays with all the internet info, it is easier to difuse that reaction, by letting them know.....the vast amount of information about Jw's on the net....no longer have to read Franz or Schnell...just type.

    By the way, you are one of those people, contractor's love to work for. Cold drinks and coffee.

    Welcome back, stick around.

    Danny

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Hello DB - Long time no hear eh? I think some will envy you your many recent visits from Jdubs. I heard someone here complaining about their house being left off the map and not getting a chance to take them to task. I am fast coming to believe that talking to them is a big waste of time. My last experience was that I took a book, (no ask or offer of money), they came back. I got into the blood issue, they came back to more on blood, and when they came back the last time they had been investigating me with other dubs who'd done the territory previously. I must have told those callers that I was disfed. (probably cause I wanted to on that occasion). So instead of answering the difficult questions re blood they asked me if I was disfed. Fairly risky question, but it paid off for them. The guy said "do you realise that we won't be able to come back and talk to you anymore"? Give me a break!!! I've managed to live without most of my family for 20 yrs, I think I can manage without another visit from you!!!!

    I don't really think you can tell them that you've learned all about them from the Internet. It's too suss. What person in their right mind would bother reading up about Jehovah's Witnesses on the net if they didn't have to?

    Regards the coffee, cakes and tradesmen. I've got such a bad reputation. I'm a real people person and I can't help myself. Once an ugly old bald guy took it the wrong way - cripes that slowed me up! :-/

    M.

  • DannyBear
    DannyBear

    ***Once an ugly old bald guy took it the wrong way - cripes that slowed me up! :-/***

    Laughing, but understand clearly. Now would it have made a difference if he had of been 'tall dark and handsome'...heeeehaaaaaaaa ?????

    That will teach you, you brazen lilhussey! you...only big brother's can be this cheeky.

    So sorry they wouldn't be able to return anymore, I know this made a deep impact on your pysche...fragile little dove that you are. Oh me.

    You may be right on the internet excuse, their well honed jw minds are suspect of anyone knowing more than they do, about their religion.

    Seen our mutual friend Ub lately? If you have a chance give him my regards will you?

    BrotherBear

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Dear DB, I think I forgot to mention one vital ingredient when I talked of the ugly, old, bald guy. He was poor! Do I make myself understood? Hehehe! I have to tell you, I was pretty insulted at the calibre of guy I attracted!!!

    No I haven't seen anything of UB. I thought I had his phone number, but when I went looking for it, it wasn't there. Has there been any nasty flame wars that sent him away? Or has he become preoccupied with real life issues like earning a crust do you think?

    You are 100% spot on when you say that Dubs get suspicious of anyone who knows more than them. Funny that they attackthe messenger rather than the message!!

    warm thoughts
    Marilyn
    ps
    I had planned to reply immediately but the neigbhour in question came to the door. Poor things are going nuts waiting for the Witness to finish their drive way. What should have taken 5 days tops will drag on 3 weeks by the looks of things. :-(

  • DannyBear
    DannyBear

    Marylin,

    Been alot of flame wars going on around here lately, but UB (the cheeky bastard) was able to sneak out, before they got started.

    He did relate on the board, that he was going to be without a computer, for several months. I guess the local power, road crews are putting expanding or repairing in his neighborhood. So wife and daughter moved up to Sidney, while he stayed behind to finish the homestead....also he's working on 'the gold mine' and 'tea room', someday open to the public. So his plate seems to be full of busy things...and I imagine is traveling some on the weekends, as well.

    I will be giving him a call soon, when I do, I will pass along your hello.

    Just because he was poor, old, and bald...does not in any way mean that his attraction, was not based upon 'manly' observation..most men old or young...know what looks good. So I suppose you can take heart in that....were all dogs, doncha ya know! Pant, pant, pant.

    Danny

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    DB, I've found Brucie!!!! He surfaced at "Anyone for a pint in the UK?" by Sincere. He's digging up rocks - 50 tons of them before spring. As you do!!!!!!

    Don't ask!!!!!!!!!

    Marilyn

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    Hi Marilyn and Danny.

    Interesting discussion.

    Witnesses have a vested interest in being correct. Most have invested, or we might say gambled, the very essence of their lives, that is their time in the concept of being delivered from their misery either now or at a later date.

    Time cannot be replaced, it is money spent, so all they can hope for is future return.

    Non witnesses typically are not willing to wait for this long term return on their investment. Indeed, neither are most witnesses. Very few are left who make the total life commitment to the future reward. My parents and their friends are among this group. They are the last of a dying breed

    hugs

    Joel

  • DannyBear
    DannyBear

    Joel,

    The 'old guard' is in fact a dieing breed. I suspect though, that there will always be a core of die hard, fundy's, withing the org. that will keep up the pressure, to be all or nothing. If you read Sarah's post, about her young brother.....even if you have the desire to be a pioneer, and give up on all the worldly things, the god damn elder's will still find a way to keep you down.

    They just aint happy unless, you are riddeled with guilt and on the verge of a nervous breakdown....I think these mental conditions are almost considered a positive sign, as to how serious a Jw you are. Good grief they have no shame. Talk about abuse...they are master's of it.

    Danny

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    During my last days at Bethel I came perilously close to having a complete emotional breakdown.

    I had admitted to one Bethel elder previously that I masturbated.

    I had then told another young brother that I thought I was falling in love with him.

    My last meeting with the elders was agonizing for me. Two of the three were very kind, the other very businesslike. I think the two elders saw that I was about to mentally collapse and so they softened up their message and told me I could qualify to pioneer after I got home.

    The weirdest thing I remember about the whole ordeal was that they handed me my Bethel application and asked me if that was my signature at the bottom that stated that I was a morally clean person. It stunned me that my situation was treated in such a legalistic manner.

    I saw myself as being in a spiritual bond with people I viewed as brothers, not in a legal agreement. I was never able to shake this feeling completely after that.

    Since I stayed a virgin for 10 more years after being dismissed from Bethel, I'd say that it was fairly clear that I was not a moral degenerate or a sex crazed fiend. Indeed, my bet is that I would still be there and celibate til this day if they hadn't sent me home.

    I, as Sarah's brother does, loved the vision I had of Jehovah's Witnesses totally and utterly. I think you can see in my posts here that I am still trying to create some pseudoparadise for myself and others to enjoy. I doubt that I will ever stop trying to do this, its in my bones.

    hugs

    Joel

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