by Fleur 24 Replies latest jw friends
edited cause I thought better of posting some details, long story short the JW family is coming apart because of disagreements over the way Grandma's medical care was (mis)handled. There may not even be a memorial.
If there is, I'm not the only one who isn't going to go; I will remember her in my own way and time, and also every single day, she will always live because I won't let people forget about her.
love and thanks again,
essie
dear fleur,
it is distressing that some of your family have taken such a hard judgmental line, as if they are the ultimate judges of anyone's life. please know that many many witnesses (self included) feel for you, please don't hold back from attending your grandma's memorial, or whatever is arranged. you will always feel (i think) happier that you showed respect to your grandmum. who cares if some of the family prove unkind? can i tell you, we have just had one of the finest funerals (as if they ever could be) for a young man not in the truth, not baptized, and out of respect for the living mum dad and family in the truth, the local elders had the memorial in the kingdom hall, (in 'olden' times they would not have done so!!) and the talk was absolutely beautiful, kind, feeling, about the life of the young man, and i just wanted to say, please, keep the memories of your grandmum and her love of jehovah god and jesus in your own mind no matter what. my thoughts are with you, gdt geoff.
Dear Fleur, isn't it awful that weddings and funerals seem to bring out the worst in families? It's not exclusive to JW's. In any case, your grandmother is at peace, wherever and whatever that is. She is finished with her life here but she lives on in your beautiful memories of her. I like Scully's idea of planting a rosebush. What I did after my dad's death were just little things. After the funeral was over, my husband, my best girlfriend and her husband and I went out to dinner. Another dear friend watched the children for us. We went to Benihana's and had a hibachi dinner, one of Dad's favorites, and during dinner I quietly piled a little of their fried rice on my napkin, sprinkled some wine on it, and wished him well. I left it there during the meal as a quasi-Buddhist tribute to him. When we went to the annual Greek Food Festival in Dallas, which is held on the grounds of the Greek Orthodox Church, I celebrated my newly found religious freedom by taking a tour of the church, and at the entrance I lit a candle for Dad and said a little prayer.
As I said, these are little things but are just acknowledgements of the passing of someone special to me. Someone who made a difference in my life and who will live on because of that.
Let the siblings squabble and keep your love and your memories of your grandmother pure and sweet, as they should be.
Love,
Nina
Missing your grandmothers memorial, will be something you will always regret, and will never have a second chance to correct it.. especially if you avoid going, because a sibling dont want you to attend.. let the sibling miss the service, and be miserable for years, if thats the mentality by which he/she operates. About reinstating yourself, I would bet that ultimately, your grandmother would want you to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, not what others think you should do! Take your exjw friend and go, pay your final respects!
I am so sorry for you. JW's really know no boundaries.
When my grandfather passed away a few years back right during the "talk" the elder said that he knew my grandfather would want his family that had left the truth to come back. Everyone in the KH turned and looked at me. I thought to myself ...hey buddy you don't even know my grandfather. It upset my brother so badly that these so called Christian people were so rude to me that he know sees they are a cult. So I think good came from it.
My family also had my grandfather cremated, but they then placed his remains on my families property so that I could not even pay any respects at all. Planted him right under an apple tree. Not only is it illegal to do so they believe that way they still have control over me so that I can not even get near him in death.
Give it time...time does heal. I will be thinking of you.
Leslie
