You DON'T Have To Listen To The Elders If They Say They Want To Meet ....

by minimus 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  kwintestal

  Kwin, you're sooo right!

  Oh yeah! I'm the man! My head's bobbing away in pride!

  Kwin (doing the victory dance!)
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  AK - Jeff

  The same is usually true if, for a time you did not attend meetings, then show up. I think the showing up shows that legally you have accepted the organization again. I believe that both of those points are made in the Elders's handbook - although I haven't looked lately.

  In my case - I sent an email after hearing the gossip that I was borderline 'apostate', to an elder. I mentioned that there were laws against slander - since no charges had been made -and even if they were, the local brothers should have no inside info - and they did. After that I am shunned - but the elders so far have left me alone.

  Jeff
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  Purza

  I agree with the statement in the heading. After going through 2 JC meetings in my lifetime, when I got the call that I was being beckoned to their lair, I did not answer my phone (thank god for caller id). Then they sent me an email to my work account. I responded firmly that I appreciated their concern, but I was not emotionally/mentally up to meeting at this time, but I would contact them when I became ready. They sent another email telling me that serious allegations have been brought up that need to be addressed. I never responded.

  Four months later I moved and I never heard from them again. I know I am not DF'd because I have a few friends still inside who would have told me.

  Bottomline -- we do have a choice whether to meet with them or not. I will NEVER be in a JC meeting again -- the two that I endured were pure torture.

  Purza
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  candidlynuts

  this is a timely reminder min..

  i finally talked someone into coming and getting me to take me to see my kids over the holiday weekend.(havent seen them since spring and i only live 1 1/2 hours away..i have no car anymore) My parents would never tell the elders i was coming in but my sister will. If they call i'll refuse because i'm going to see my children not to be bothered by them. Actually last time the CO was in and they called to show concern update paperwork , i gave them the nearest hall address where i live now for them to send my publisher card. i've never heard from them since nor have i heard from the local kh. So if they get insistant i meet i'll remind them that too my knowlege i 'm not a member of their cong. anymore.
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  Redneckgurl

  The jury is still out on this one for me though. According to what we went through last year, the elders told us that with people seeing and reporting that we were celebrating the holidays was enough reason for us to be disfellowshipped. They could have just been telling us that so we didn't totally regret meeting with them, but our intention for letting them come over was to give them our DA letters because that is what we had been told, that we would be DF'd anyway.

  Here's something pretty darn funny.........when they came over, we had our Xmas tree up of course (this was in December) and one of the elder's handed us some "information" that we could go over when we wanted. It was 3 pages of quotations from various publications on the meaning of Xmas and all the traditions, etc., etc.....Guess where it all came from? Of course, the WTS pubs. UGH! They at least could have thrown something in there from another source! Did they think we were that stupid to still think "oh, if the society says it, it must be true!" ??

  Before we agreed to meet with them though, other witnesses had come by 2 times prior and seen our decorations. That's all they needed right? 2 witnesses to our wrongdoing? That's the way we took it anyway.

  --redneckgurl (Krissy)
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  gypsywildone

  I would never particiipate in their head games. Tell them to take their kangaroo court to someone who believes in their voodoo.
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  New Castles

  I totally agree with everyone that they hold no control over our lives. Some though are afraid of the consequences of the actions these men make. For instance, we can agree to not see them, but then they disfellowship us and that now affects our relationship with family and friends. Personally for me, its very touchy, because even though I dont recognize their authority, they still control my family.
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  minimus

  Yes, THEY as well as YOU can doing anything . I do know one thing....talking to them produces nothing.
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  Preston

  Well....

  They certainly can be made out to be very weak negotiators (read "pussies") once they try to work out some way to meet with you. Most elders I've met in my life have been generally pleasant, but the ones that were rather dictatorial backed down pretty easy once you got angry with them. And if they disfellowship you, well, that's their way of telling you that its easier for them to defame your name with you not around rather than having the balls to do so in person. It may sound rude to not meet on their terms, but then again, they don't have a reasonable view of things either. The last time an elder called me up and said he wanted to "meet with me at his house for coffee" I said that sounded great, however, I would be happy to talk to him personally without "anyone else" present. He said he "would think about it". He's never called back.
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  gespro

  Or... if they insist - tell them you will - and you will be bringing along a lawyer to sit in on the discussion.

  That's BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I've been waiting for an effective statement for the overseer at this Hall over here. I want to see him lose his composure when I tell him that my lawyer will be sitting in on the next private meeting we have. LOL!

  gespro -still angry