Non-JW teacher needing advice

by Teacher 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Jez

  I too work in education and our policy is to do what the parents want. Bring them in, sit them down and chat. Let them inform you what is acceptable and what is not.

  When I WAS a JW parent, I told the teacher that I was fine with anything that my child felt comfortable doing regarding the holidays. I was the exception to the rule though. So each set of JW parents can have very different views on what is acceptable and what is not.

  On the other side of things, I was raised a JW and it was agony to watch other kids celebrate. My teacher always had a 'friendship' bag for JW kids at Valentines day and a 'Winter' celebration day at Xmas. She always found ways to include me and she will never know how many hours I spent at home rereading my valentine days cards or what it meant to have a celebration 'similar' to all the other kids for once. To this day, her respect and decision to include me has stuck with me. She let me taste normality and I never forgot it.

  I am out now of that cult and I ache because I know exactly what it was like being one of those kids.

  Best to you...Jez
• 

  blondie

  I am aware that he will not be able to take part in RE or religious assemblies or Christmas activities. With his last teacher they were studying MacBeth and his parents would not let him do it as it had witches in it. However, he was permitted to watch a panto with a witch in it.

  As he cannot take part in the Christmas activities I was going to give him the book on tape of Lord of the rings, as I felt he would really enjoy it. He said that because it involved magic he could not, however, he can read the Lion the WITCH and the wardrobe.

  You are experiencing the double mindedness of individual JWs. According to the WTS I am still a member and I spent the last 50 years of my life as a member (12 of them in school).

  I would point out to the parent that there was a witch in the panto and why is that different from the witches in Macbeth or the Narnia book. I have had JWs tell me that LOTR is okay but Harry Potter is bad because only non humans perform magi in LOTR and humans perform magic in HP. (a personal individual JW opinion not WTS policy)

  This is the individual JW's logic not the official ruling of the WTS. Many JWs run to the elders in their congregation to be told what to do. If these elders are not on the same page, they can give different "advice" to the individual JW.

  Many JWs don't see any problem with going to Star Wars with the power of the darkness and the violence, but then turn around and condemn a contemporary movie about war with violence.

  You will find that one JW child and family will have one opinion about something and another have a different one. The JW parent is encouraged to come in and meet with the teacher in the beginning of the year and provide a brochure than discusses their unique beliefs that impact on school.

  BTW, I never understood why JW parents would take their children to see Snow White (witch), Sleeping Beauty (witch/dragon), Little Mermaid (Sea Witch), Beauty and the Beast (magic/spell).

  They are quite hypocritical in this way. Good luck.
• 

  Fe2O3Girl

  Hello Teacher - Welcome to the board.

  Firstly, I think it is really great that you are trying to find out more about your pupil's background to avoid offending his family or embarrassing him.

  If you tell us what country you are in, we would have a better idea of the sort of customs and holidays you are dealing with - the pledge of allegiance isn't going to be an issue if you work in the UK.

  The boy may not have much understanding of why some things are forbidden, and why some things are OK, but he will probably be in trouble with his parents if he gets it wrong.

  We use a lot of jargon on this site - here are some rough translations:

  WT, WTS, WTBTS, the Watchtower, the Society: All refer to the Watchtower Society, the publishing corporation that prints all JW Bibles and litererature, and effectively the ruling body of JWs.

  Dubs: Our affectionate nickname for J - Dubble U's

  Apostates: JWs non-affectionate nickname for any who disagree with their teachings, particularly ex-JWs.

  I hope you stick around, there is a lot of valuable information on this site for professionals dealing with JW children. Our stories range from the name-calling at school and the embarrassment of being made to stand out or knocking on our schoolmate's doors, to much, much worse.
• 

  Abaddon

  I'm a bit confused and would be greatful if anyone could point me in the direction to get some information on this. I do not wish to disrespect his religion, as I have a great interest in different religions as a whole. The lavel of knowledge on this thoughout the school is shocking when we consider that every class has at least 1 JW in it, any help?

  Mmmm... I think the more you find out about the JW's the harder it will be for you to NOT to disresepct the religion - at least internally.

  It is a cult. It's members are subjected to a variety of social controls and guiding principles recognised by professionals as characteristics of a high-control group.

  For example, they're only really supposed to have real freinds drawn from fellow Witnesses, and to control their consumption of 'worldly' media and entertainment. This means they get most of their information from the 'Organisation', and can have things portrayed in a way that fits with their beliefs (but not neccesarily with reality).

  Because the social controls, to an outsider, seem subtle unless examined, most people dismiss them as harmless. But that kid in your class would be allowed to die if he needed a blood transfusion.

  So, don't expect to make sense of his parent's wishes; there will be no consistancy to them, as you have noticed, and I am sure there are Witnesses who approve of Lord of the Rings and disapprove of C.S Lewis.

  PLEASE, within what is proper for you to do as a professional, expose the kid to information (for example natural history) that will contradict the unscientific and distorting creationistic beliefs he is being imprinted with. I loved natural history as a kid, and seeing programs with snakes with rear legs and birds with 'thumbs' on the wings had made me wonder "what was going on" by the age of 8. I could see there was contradition.

  With the conformist desires common in adolescents these got buried in cognotive dissonance; but I got out in the end.

  You can help this kid by making him feel he fits in with the rest of the class, and by dropping those little informational 'time bombs' to prime him for the time when he can make his own decisons.
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  Hey Teacher, I appreciate the fact that you took the time and interest in your student to post here. As a ex-j.w., I grew up a witness, and I can tell you, I hated school because I was the outcast and the other kids *and teachers* made my life hell.

  Please be kind to this child, he doesn't know any better.

  Hopfully when he grows up he will leave this horrible cult.
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  Hello, Teacher!

  I just wanted to add that if you choose to set him up with and alternative gift, or a plate of the food from the festivities I think it would be important to make it very clear to the child that, "This is not a plate of Christmas goodies! All of these treats have nothing to do with Christmas, and I am not giving them to you for Christmas, because you don't celebrate it. This is a gift from me to you because I think you are a special kid and I am glad you are in my class." or make another good reason for your alternative kindess or activity.

  I only say this because when I was in elementary school, I was a True Believer. If a teacher had brought me a plate of Christmas treats from the celebration in the other room, I would have refused because I would have felt the teacher was just trying to 'sneak me a little Christmas.' I know it sounds crazy, but I would have. I would have wanted to 'make a good witness.' If the teacher had made it clear that it was NOT Christmas treats in our special case, and none of them were shaped like Santa, I might have gratefully accepted.

  This would also be kind to the child because you don't want him to carry any guilt about 'breaking God's law.' The guilt in the JW religion can be crippling and terrible.

  Nice to meet you,

  -LisaBObeesa
• 

  lisaBObeesa

  BRAINSTORM:

  I just thought of something else: Perhaps since your school has so many JW children you guys could find a room at the school and set if up with some really fun stuff. A TV and some approved movies, games, some food, bean bag chairs, I don't know, just so it has really FUN, COOL stuff in it. Anyway, then, when ever the class is doing a Christmas activity the JW GETS to go to the special room with all the great stuff and have fun! It could have maybe some art projects to do, maybe some clay...stuff they don't usually get to do.

  That would be the greatest. Maybe with so many JWs at your school, the administration would let you do it. Then all the teachers could use that 'fun room' for their JW students whenever Christmas/Evil Witch Books/Thanksgiving or whatever was being taught in their classes.

  I wish they had had that when I was a kid. I just had to sit alone in the library while everyone else was doing fun stuff.
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  jwsons

  I should say at the first place: I (with my wife) left JWs 3 years ago. We have a little daughter (now 9 years old). She still sometimes ask us "Dad/Mom, Why we don't go out to knock 'their doors' at the weekend anymore ?" At first 1 or 2 years, she always cover her eyes whenever TV has a scence we taught her not to watch (in animation cartoon, off-course). But recently, I made a little birthday party for her, she enjoyed it. We also gave her (not in birthday) a Japanese cartoon DVD "KIKI's Delivery Service" from the winning director of "Spritted Away" (until now we don't let her watch this "Spritted Away"movie, I keep it in my bookcase together with my collection of Oscar DVDs. She know where it is because I did show her, she obey and never touches, only asks permission to look the cover). Kiki's Delivery Service is about a liitle cute witch 13 yeras old on training in a modern city. She is very helpful in working at a bakery, have a liitle boyfriend (no kiss, no harmful scence, only boy and girl look after each other, very innocent, like angels). I myself enjoyed this movie. My daughter said after watch this film "It's quite nice, I know they just made up story, we never seen witch around Dad"
  

  Or you can find a book title "The Red Balloon" by A. Lamorisse (I believe they also made a film before have printed this colorful book and now it's on DVD, too Search Google you will see how much interesting about the film and the book). I think it also help little JW in your class has a different viewpoit a bout life outside the wall of a cult and I'm pretty sure her/or his parent will appreciate it.

  jwsons
• 

  willyloman

  Teacher: I am a newly-escaped JW who spent 30 years supporting this organization as an elder and spokesman for the group. In that capacity, I was often asked to speak to school teachers and principals about how they could best work with JW children in their classrooms. I had a nice little dog and pony show, but the Q and A (questions and answers) part of the program was always challenging. Teachers had such amazing stories about the inconsistencies among JW children. Two dub kids in the same classroom would take opposite positions on whether they could participate in some class project. It was always difficult to explain that each child was influenced by parents, elders, congregations, all of whom had a different "take" on Watchtower rules.

  This is very difficult to explain to reasonable people. The WT pays lip service to "conscience," often insisting that the organization does NOT tell people what to do or how to behave, but rather each individual has a "trained conscience" based on Bible teachings that determines what he/she will do in a given circumstance. Since individuals are at different points of spirituality along a pathway, they are bound to make different decisions given similar circumstances. At least, that's the way I was taught to explain it.

  The truth is, the WTS does in fact have rules for behavior and expects compliance. When these rules impact the behavior and actions of Witness children, parents fall into two camps: On one side, parents will strictly impose and enforce behavors; other parents will "filter' these organizational requirements and attempt to protect their children by softening the rules. Thus, depending on the "parental units," you get different standards among children.

  What's a teacher to do? Some excellent advice has already been given (above). Here's my two cents, based on experience with my own child(ren).

  We had a teacher for one of our daughters who told us, "She knows what she can and can't do; I rely on her to tell me and I go along with her." In other words, the teacher communicated with the child and respected her wishes, regardless of what experience the teacher may have had with other JWs.

  If you contact the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, they may offer some additional advice. You will get more "real life, hands on" advice here, however; most of the upper echelon leaders of the WTS are childless. Anything you can do to lighten the load of these children, as many wonderful teachers have, will be a good thing.
• 

  Scully

  Welcome, Teacher!

  Speaking from personal experience - as someone who from Grade 3 was brought up in the JW "faith" - I really appreciated it when teachers made the effort to try to include me in holidays to the extent that my family's belief system allowed.

  For example:

  • at Halloween, while my classmates were painting faces on mini pumpkins, I was allowed to paint anything I wanted on mine, and ended up making a crude replica of a globe of the earth.
  • at Christmas, my music teacher spent extra time with me to help me learn to play and sing winter type songs on the recorder (Sleigh Bells, Winter Wonderland, Let It Snow) while the rest of the class practiced traditional Christmas carols. My parents weren't as inflexible as some other JW parents - we were permitted to learn to play the music and learn the lyrics of ALL the songs, as part of our learning process, provided we did not sing songs that "promoted false worship," (ie, Christmas carols, the National Anthem, etc.) since the act of singing (in their opinion) is part of the process of worship. In Art class, I could be as creative as I wanted with winter themed decorations - I could make all kinds of cut out snowflakes and snowballs out of tissue paper and sleds and pictures of snowmen - there was nothing about those activities that would have been frowned upon by the belief system.
  • I was always allowed to help with the graduation celebrations in both elementary school and high school. If there was a school play that was a non-holiday oriented performance, there were no objections to participating. In fact, my grade school did a production every year in late spring and we were allowed to take part. Other JW kids who did not want to join in the acting were allowed to decorate the sets and help with costumes.
  • Birthdays: a huge no-no. Not even allowed to have a piece of birthday cake or sing Happy Birthday to acknowledge the Birthday-Kid.
  • Assemblies: Singing the National Anthem or reciting The Lord's Prayer is considered an act of worship, and JWs will not participate in this activity. They may, however, stand or sit respectfully while the rest of the assembly engages in this activity. Some may request to be excused from the auditorium or classroom until this part of the assembly is finished, and are expected to quietly return to their place without disrupting the group.

  Participation in competitive sports, particularly if they involved practicing outside of school hours and competitions on evenings or weekends was actively discouraged as they conflicted with church activities (meetings on at least two weekday evenings, door-to-door preaching on Saturday mornings, worship services on Sundays). In fact, anything that conflicted with JW meeting attendance or door-to-door preaching is very low on a JW's list of priorities - even if it means that a child does not have time to do their homework a couple of nights each week, or has to stay up late and not get enough sleep due to meeting attendance. Typically, we would usually get home from weeknight meetings at 10pm and not be in bed until 10:30 or later because we had to try to finish up homework and get our things ready for the morning.

  If nothing else, a JW child deserves acknowledgement for their efforts to achieve the criteria for the curriculum. The vast majority of their spare time is sequestered into "Kingdom Interests", leaving very little time to devote to academic, athletic or any other kind of personal achievement or socialization activities.

  I think it's wonderful that you want to help this child feel included, however I would caution against giving a gift that could be misconstrued by either the child or his/her parents. If everyone is receiving a gift -perhaps the LOTR book that you mentioned - a gift certificate for the JW child that they can use for a book or movie that the parents will approve of is more appropriate. My parents would never have allowed me to read LOTR merely for my own pleasure, but they acquiesced to my reading The Hobbit because it was part of the curriculum.

  One thing that I will say in my parents' defense is that while they drew definite lines in the sand that could not be crossed, they also took the initiative to not go to fanatic extremes and forbid every nuance of a season that might be associated with a "Pagan Holiday". One of my dad's favorite scriptures is "Let your reasonableness become known to all men." ~ Philippians 4:5.

  Love, Scully